How To Survive In Life

It's that time again ... time to brave crowds at the mall make out those lists for Santa think about what we would like to do a little differently in our lives in the coming year. And to get excited to open some presents (let's just be honest with each other).

Ok - so maybe most people start thinking about resolutions and all that after the 25th. What can I say? I like to get a jump start on these things. Plus it's not like changing the way I do things hasn't been on my mind lately or anything (ha).

But as I was sitting around thinking about how totally, rock your face off awesome 2010 is going to be I was struck with a thought. A thought that made me think of this one post I wrote at the start of 2009 called Sometimes I Wonder How I Survive In Life. It's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately.

ANYWAY. So I was thinking about making a list for myself of Ways TO Survive in Life.

2009 was a big year for me in terms of things I learned about life and about myself and I think it would make a nice addition to my usual set of 10 (or so) resolutions for the year. And then I thought that it would be enlightening to see what the blogging community would have to add to such a list.

So I'm turning it over to you guys. I want to hear about how YOU are going to survive in the coming year. Tweet it! Collect ideas from your friends! I will post everything I get on January 6th, two days before I leave for China. And yes, you can send me as many ideas as you would like.

I'll go first ...

1. Sometimes you just have to make the decision and deal with the fall out after the fact (especially if it's something you know you really want).
2. Dealing with bad situations with grace is harder than you might think.
3. Sometimes the second (or 3rd ... or 16th) cookie/piece of cake/chocolate frosted doughnut with rainbow sprinkles is necessary in order to avoid a mental breakdown.
4. A good friend is more valuable than anything else in the world.
   

Growing Up Might Not be that Bad After All

Something happened to me yesterday morning ... the thing is that I'm not sure exactly what exactly it is that happened.

Confused yet? Welcome to the party. I've only had to delete and re-start this post about 4 times already.

I have spent a lot of the last year complaining about growing up and finding a direction for my life and all the other usual 20-something type gripping I've been hearing from all of my real life 20-something friends. But I woke up this morning and just felt ... weird. Different.

But weird and different in a good way.

Like, I didn't want to hit the snooze button so many times that I would have to skip my shower and breakfast in order to make it to work on time. Like, I laid in bed and visualized myself in my own apartment (for the record: I have never used visualization as a motivational technique) and it made me excited to get out of bed. Like, I was right on it and had about 2 things checked off my To-Do List for the day before I was even out of the door.

Different like I am actually ready to grow up.

I know, right? I was beginning to think it would never happen. I have no idea what triggered it, however, because my life hasn't been very grown-up lately. But I can't help but feel that it has something to do with the nearness of my nightmare inducing 25th birthday. I think it's acting like the pop timer you find in turkeys, it lets you know when it's time to take it out of the oven.

Sorry about that. I couldn't help myself.

Have any of you had a pop-up timer moment yet (really, I'm sorry. I'll stop.)?

The Day the Scary Movie Followed Me Home

One of the things that I absolutely love about nannying is getting to watch movies during the day when everyone else is sitting at a desk being bored and sad a productive member of society (Dear HBO On Demand - I love you. Call me. Seriously.)

Anyway, yesterday I got up the courage (yes, courage - I'm a wimp when it comes to scary movies) to watch The Mist. Well ... I half watched it.

I may or may not be re-reading Twilight and I may or may not have been way more interested in reading about werewolf-vampire-teenage girl love triangles: which are way less scary than giant, people eating bug-aliens sneaking around in crazy fog.

But the worst part was when I came home and discovered this in my bathroom sink:

It's an assassin beetle and while, yes it is a creepy ass looking bug to start with, normally I would ok with it. I probably would have even taken it outside myself (I say probably because I have days when I cannot even handle the thought of touching a bug). However, given that I had just watched a movie where the bad buys were bigger versions of this, I screamed like a little girl, hid in my room and made my brother deal with it.

Ewwwwww.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

Today I would like to do what everyone else is doing and send a giant, huge THANK YOU to everyone currently in uniform and anyone who has ever worn one.

And I would like to challenge everyone else to make everyday Veteran's Day. My mother, whenever we are somewhere and she spots someone in uniform or an older person with a hat, she will go out of her way to go over to them and thank them for serving.

I used to think it was embarrassing but then one day I was out with some friends for lunch and right in front of me was a gentleman in uniform. On a whim I tapped him on the shoulder and thanked him for serving.

The look in his eyes is something that will never, ever forget. It was clear that he really appreciated being thanked. He grinned at me and thanked me and shook my hand.

My challenge to you, and myself, is to start thanking all the veterans you meet. Just because it's not November 11th doesn't mean that they don't deserve to be appreciated.

I think I am in love

Lately I have spent 90 - 100% of my time making goals for myself and doing my damnedest to get them done. Anything that helps me get said goals taken care of I am pretty much an instant fan of.

And with that in mind I give you this totally awesome thing:


So cute right? They, and other totally awesome and adorable things (all of which I want now), at Mary Kate Devitt's Etsy shop. If anyone feels like sending me a present, I would not be opposed to finding one of these in my mailbox.

My Random Thought of the Day

Baby Socks. Have you ever tried to put them on a baby?

The thing about baby socks that I struggle with is how you have to fight to get them on the kid, but when it's time to take them off all you really have to do is look at them sternly. I do not understand.

My Friday ...

I think this pretty much sums it all up for you guys.

This past week the 4 boys that I take care of after school (who also live right next door - it's the best commute EVER) didn't have school on Thursday or Friday. Plus it was wet and rainy which meant that they couldn't go outside and run off the extra energy they had on Thursday, which ended up coming out as a COMPLETE MELTDOWN at about 2:45.

So their parents took pity on me, gave me some cash and told me to take the boys to Chuck E Cheeses in the hopes that I could have one day when I didn't go strait home and drink a six-pack of beer (you may think I'm joking, but I'm really not).

It was great. They played and did a fantastic job of listening and helping to take care of the youngest brother and I got to sit and work on my sock (it's the dark blue thing in the picture up there). I also spent some more time considering what to do now that I didn't get into my Child Life program and I think I might have it figured out. Sort of. It's a start anyway.

All and all, I think things are starting to look up around here.

Things I've Learned Thursday

I know that back in the day I said that I would try to keep this thing sort of light even if I was feeling like being a Debbie Downer ... and because of that I would like to apologize to you before you read this.

Things I've Learned Thursday #4
{wah wah wah waaaaaaaah}

1. Not getting accepted into a program you really want too is way more depressing when you realize you don't really have a back up plan.
   
2. I have no one to go to Holiday Mart with this weekend *really sad face*.
3. My dip is not french onion and comes with no chips. LAME.

I'm sorry for being a loser guys. I know I was just complaining about it the other day (see: item 3) but I got a phone call today from Children's Mercy telling me that I did not get into the practicum program (despite the fact that I spent hours on my application and getting ready for the interview) and this call made me realize that I have NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.

I think part of it is that I have no clear idea of "what I want to be when I grow up" and I think the other part is that my mother is pushing me SO HARD in the direction of grad school that I have absolutely no desire to do what she says.

I think that tomorrow I am going to lock the boys I babysit for outside (I'm just kidding - I would never lock a child anywhere, I promise) and take a little time to sit down and think about what my ideal Plan A is. Then I am going to make myself dream up a Plan B and Plan C so that the next time I get rejected I won't be able to sit around and wallow about how I don't know what to do next.

Well wishes and Plan A, B, and C ideas are welcomed and encouraged. I hope you guys had a better week than I did.

I'm in a Dip (I wish it was french onion)

"I think there’s a dip in life—a big dip, the king-daddy of all dips. If you were looking at it from a Hegelian perspective, it would be the antithesis phase, where every last bit of every idea put forth in the thesis phase got challenged. What I like to call the Sucks Ass phase. Because here you are, happy and carefree and connected, when all of a sudden—and generally, for a long, long time—things start seriously sucking out of nowhere, and everything you thought was true and possible becomes unclear and maddeningly out of reach."
- Colleen Wainwright, the Communicatrix

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately for a number of reasons.

1. My mother is convinced that the best thing (the end all, be all best thing ever) would be for me to go to grad school. To the point that she has started researching schools, application processes and emailing the information to me.
2. I envy the enthusiasm my mother has for me going to grad school. I, however, remain unconvinced.
3. Getting a job - like, a big girl job (with a 401K and benefits) - seems like it isn't going to happen for years (mainly because to get a psych job you have to have an advanced degree - see item 1 and 2).
4. That whole, "life is fine and then starts sucking out of no where" thing. Welcome to my life.

I would like to think that taking a moment to appreciate the dip I have found myself in would help me create the momentum I need to get up and out of it. However, I still feel like the 'get up and out of it is "maddeningly out of reach".

Yes I know this is part of being a young person who is struggling to find their place in the world. I just wish that I had an idea of what I want to do, to be doing, 10 years from now. And I don't. Not even close. Which may be why I keep waffling on idea of grad school. Is it a good idea? Yes. Will I end up there eventually? More than likely.

I suppose the best thing for me to do right now is wait and see what happens with Children's Mercy. I can't think of anything better to do right now.

The Past, The Future and California

I grew up in Reno. I moved to Kansas in 1996 because my parents felt the need to be closer to family (in Illinois and Ohio) but not too close so we didn't have to spend any more time with them than we wanted too.

I have always had a special place in my heart for the west. I love the dessert, the dryness (even if it also comes with tons and tons of nose bleeds. OMG.). I have so many happy memories of being little in west. I hear that the place where I lived as a kid is totally built up now and it hardly looks the same. And I know that the people who live in my old house park their broke-ass trucks on the lawn (thank you Google Street View) so I can't help but feel like the image I have in my head and the place I would be going to if I went back would be radically different.

But for some reason I still feel drawn to go back. Maybe not to Reno, but out west - California specifically. And I have to say that I can't help but think that the universe is trying to tell me something because I know more people in California than I do here (almost). BFF Hilda is there, so is my high school BFF Newspaper Bitch. And another friend (who currently doesn't have a bloggy nickname) just got a job out there.

It's a conspiracy I tell you.

It's hard knowing so many people that are spread out so far across the country. It makes me feel old, and I am far too young to feel old.

I don't really know the point of this post other than to talk about how much I wish I could move out there where two of my best friends are living (seriously, what are the odds??) and, to sound like a 16 year old, live the life I would like to be living.

Honestly though, it all depends on how my Children's Mercy thing pans out. I had my interview, it went well (the question I messed up: tell us 2 of your strengths and weaknesses. My weaknesses answer: I'm a nervous talker and I'm sort of shy. *face palm*), I will know whether or not I got in on or before October 22. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. This Child Life business sounds like it's my calling.

The "Why I Haven't been Posting" Post

I know, I haven't been posting and here I come back with the type of post that everyone hates. But I have to say that this particular post has been rolling around in my head for about 2 months.

And I hate these posts too, but I just have to get this one out so that I can use the space it's been taking up to think about other important things like knitting projects and binge drinking. You have to have priorities.

So let's get into the meat of the matter:

1. I don't work at a desk anymore
• Nannying doesn't allow much time for blogging the way that sitting at a desk all day does. However, I am working on perfecting my ability to balance a laptop, type and deal with a cranky baby all at the same time. It's a process.
2. Armini
• There are only so many "Oh, I miss him so" posts I can write before people stop reading and I become totally disgusted with myself.
• Then there's that question of what I can post about my single life because Armini gets my RSS feed (and no I have not been brave enough to just ask if he is still reading) and I don't want to post anything that might upset him because I'm nice like that.
3. My blog and my life
• I needed a moment to figure out what this blog really is and how I want it to exsist within my life. Which I figured out (sort of). It's a process.

Whew. That was heavy and it's nice to have it off of my chest. I am now at a point where I can really start working on my blog(s) with a renewed enthusiasim. Dorky? Yes. But at least I'm excited about this again.

The Triumphant Return!

I bet you thought that you would never see the return of this wonderful Thursday tradition. Let's just say that it took an internet vacay, like I did!

Things I've Learned Thursday #3
{ta-da!}

1. The hardest part of applying for my Child Life Practicum program was filing out the application. It took me a week of drafting answers and a full day of editing before I finished it.
• I know a lot of you are probably thinking to yourself, "The interview is going to be waaaaaaay harder, just you wait". I've been babysitting since I was 15. I am a pro at interviews because I've only done about a million of them where I actually convince people to leave me alone with their children. Interview = easy peasy. Application = freak out button.
2. If I could choose to have one thing in my house from my apartment it would be my bed. OMG - my bed. It is old (older than me), it is perfectly worn in and the mattress topper that I have for it makes it into a bed that even Armini has told me that I should never get rid of.
3. The best, and most fun, way to insult someone is to take something random and stupid they say to you and then call them that. Like this:
   

   Them: You have hat hair really bad.
   You: You're a hat hair.

   It's hilarious and so much fun to do. I had an entire conversation with my brother using insults tonight while I was cooking dinner. Quality time people. Quality.
4. HTML makes my head explode.
5. Project Runway = all that is good in the world.

So that's about it for me this week month. What about you guys? Learn anything worth sharing?

This One Where Super Careo Talks About Feelings

Just FYI: This post is really, really sappy. Really, really, REALLY sappy. You have been warned.

Armini has been gone for almost one full month and in that time I have spent a lot of time thinking, for better or for worse, about the life I'm living now that he's gone and the life that I had this time last year. And in that short amount of time I have realized a lot of things. Mostly about myself and also about how these things that I realized about myself may have directly affected my relationship.

Today was a perfect fall day (in Kansas, it doesn't matter that it's still August), the sort of day that Armini loved. Just cool enough for jeans and a shirt, maybe a sweat shirt as the sun goes down. It made me miss him a lot. I thought about the apartment and how we would have had all the windows open to let in the cool air. I wondered what we would have done today if he was still here.

My mom asked me today what I would say to him if he called me tomorrow and said "I've made a terrible mistake, I'm coming home." I told her that I would tell him that he should hurry back.

I know that people say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, I never assumed that I would feel like that in this instance. I figured he would leave, I would be miserable, we would grow apart and I would eventually move on. But it seems like the longer he's gone, the more I think, the more I realize, and the more I realize that Armini means a lot to me.

The only downside to all this thinking (which, honestly I would rather not be doing - so if you're in the Kansas City area and feel like doing something look me up. I have nothing else to do. Clearly.) and realizing stuff is that it makes me miss Armini all that much more. Which you know, sort of makes it harder to think about the fact that he won't be coming home for another 10 months. But hey - one month down so ... hooray for that!

Saying all of this ... "out loud" is weird for me because I feel like it's stuff I shouldn't really be saying. I feel like I'm supposed to be all strong and not talk about the fact that I miss him and care about him as much as I do given the situation. Yes, we broke up. Yes, I am trying to move on. Yes, I am starting to think that this moving on business is going to be way harder than I thought it was going to be.

And besides, if I didn't post about this then I wouldn't be posting anything at all because this is pretty much all I've been thinking about lately. So there. Sorry if I got too sappy for you. I promise that we will be back to our regular type posting next week.

My Wednesday Anthology

Since taking my internet vacay last month, I have been sloshing through my Google Reader desperately clinging to the hope that someday I will catch up with you all. Because you people post a lot and don't really care that I'm on vacay and are not reading all of your freaking aweseomeness.

So this is partly so that you can know that I am reading as fast as I can (really, I promise) and also because I felt like it. I was going to try and think of another somewhat legitimate sounding reason to create this post but then I figured that "because I felt like it" is a pretty legitimate excuse because this is my blog and the whole reason it exists in the first place is because I felt like it.

[end tangent]

Anyway. It's Wednesday and here is my anthology of bits of internet aweseomeness that tickled me pink and that I wanted to share with you.

Feature #1: Have you heard that Ben from No Ordinary Rollercoaster and Andy from Wild ARS Chase have teamed up again for another totally radical co-blog? And were you aware that this new co-blog is so awesome that they had to set up a stog (short term blog) for it? If not, you are missing out on something wonderful. Anyway, the horoscope for Aquarius was terrifying. Mostly because I know they were trying to be funny but pretty much hit it right on the head:

Aquarius: You want to take more initiative in your social life. Sign up for a Twilight book club, meet up with local World of Warcraft players and join a neighborhood crocheting club.

Feature #2: This picture from one of my favorite blogs, Secret Agent Josephine. Please note: I did not take this picture. Brenda did. I only wish I had taken this picture.

Feature #3: The idea of a Just Because box sent to someone you love just because (in case you hadn't already figured it out) that I got off of the lovely blog Cakies. I know a few people who could use some surprise love via the mail. I just have to stop being lazy and do it already.

Feature #4: I really don't have anything else right now. Truth be told it's actually Tuesday night (hooray for the ability to schedule blog posts!) and I am surprisingly tired considering it's only 10:05 pm and I read close to 300 blog posts today and I can't think of anything else that I loved loved loved. You know, except that one thing that you wrote the other day. I totally loved that.

Ahem.

The End

{ta-da!}

Take your Mom to Work Day

Today I took my mom with me to work. Yes, you read that right.

It worked out because I nanny and my mom has this thing about snuggling little babies and I really like to sit and let her do all the work hang out with my mom and little babies at the same time. The schedule for the day looked something like this:

• Snuggle time.
• Sitting and rocking on the porch swing.
• Make the baby smile, practice our coo-ing and giggling.
• Snuggle time.
• Watch Jurassic Park and snuggle.
• Nap for 45 minutes.
• Snuggle time.
• SuperCareo knitting time/SuperMama uses some mom-type magic to make the screaming baby fall back asleep.
• Shopping time (even though Mom didn't get me anything ... what a rip-off).

All in all, a good day indeed. I particularly liked the part when the screaming baby was being dealt with my someone other than myself. Plus I got some knitting done on my sweater which only has the one sleeve left until I seam it all together and then knit the collar.

Yes, I knit. I'll own it. Even if Hilda insists that I also need to acquire 20 cats and grow some gray hairs to go with it. Knitting isn't lame people. Just go click that link and then tell me that I'm knitting things that you would hide in your closet. I AM NOT A GRANDMA.

Ahem. Sorry about that. I just needed to get that out there.

An Award/Meme! It's so terribly exciting!

Even after taking a month off from blogging, and having most of my posts since then been about Armini being in China, you people are still reading! And please don't think for a minute that I don't appreciate the fact that you're reading. It's really, really nice to hear people who don't know me at all outside of this blog tell me that I'm not crazy for feeling the way that I do right now. Or ever. Or something like that. It sounded better in my head, anyway.

Anyway, Full of Heart tagged me with my first ever blog meme/award thing. So, hurray for memes! And awards! And being tagged!

1) Who is the hottest Movie Star? Yes, you may think I'm a little weird for saying this but ... it's Peter O'Toole. Yes, he is old now but go watch Lawrence of Arabia and tell me that you don't think he's a good looking dude. And Carey Grant. And Brad Pitt (if we're being honest here).

2) Apart from your house and car, what is the most expensive item you have ever bought? The girl that I roomed with during my junior year at KU had her computer stolen at the first (and also last) party I ever threw, even though I had offered to put it in the trunk of my car for safe keeping because she had been worried about it. I was so upset that I offered to buy her a new one. We found a model she liked and I thought it would end up being around $500. Turns out she upgraded it so much that it cost three times that much. Plus, Dell charged a 33% interest on it when I had to finance it. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore.

3) What is your most treasured memory? This is so hard for me to answer that I have, literally, been thinking about it since yesterday and I still can't really come up with anything that I would consider the most treasured. But for the sake of putting something here I will say this:

• The first time that Tim wagged his tail at me.
• That time on our way to Vegas when I was in the car with the boys and Delay made me laugh so hard that I almost drove off the road.
• The time in Texas, sitting on a boat with Armini and some friends (and a not-friend) thinking about how I was having the best and worst week of my life all at the same time.
• Laying in bed on the phone with Armini when he told me, a little over three years ago, that he couldn't get me off his mind and he wanted to try and get back together. That was a good night.

4) What was the best gift you ever received as a child? This is also a tough one. I can tell you want it wasn't. It wasn't the Barbie Power Weels Corvette I still ask for every Christmas. Or the My Size Barbie that I'm still waiting for. But I would have to say that the best gift I ever got would be Clover, my Cabbage Patch doll. I didn't get her until I was 5 and the Cabbage Patch Kid craziness had died down. She's dirty and old and I love her just as much as I did when I was a kid. She is very good at keeping the monsters under the bed where they belong.

5) What is the biggest mistake you have ever made? I don't think I have a biggest mistake, per se. I do wish that I had done some things in my life differently though.

6) 4 words to describe yourself: messy, lazy (sometimes), hopeful, and easily amused

7) What was your highlight or low-light 2008? Moving home. Definitely moving home.

8) Favorite Film? This is a hard one. I love lots of movies. I would have to say that all time it would have to be Fern Gully. I can still watch it 6 times in a row without getting bored.

9) Tell me one thing I don't know about you: I am lazy, and I tend to sound sort of whiny, but really I am quite motivated. It just comes out at odd times. And also I give into peer pressure like that. Which may be good information to have in case we ever get to hang out in real life.

10) If you were a comic book/strip or cartoon character, who would you be? Ariel from Little Mermaid. I have always always always wanted to be able to turn into a mermaid.

Now for the tagging part ... let's see ...

Kim at Perfectly Cursed Life

RCaitlin at City Intern Girl Life

... And of course you if you are feeling so inclined. I know this is such a passive aggressive thing to do but honestly, I don't know very many people out in the blogosphere and I hate tagging people who don't know/read this little blog-o-mine. It makes me feel silly.

Due North

It always surprises me how quickly my sense of self vanishes after a break up. It's like, one day your sad and the next day you wake up and you're still sad only now you have no idea what to do with yourself.

Which is what happened to me. You know, after the reset button on my life somehow got pushed.

I was at a point where so much had happened in such a short amount of time that I was overwhelmed to the point of losing my internal sense of direction. The sense of direction that propels you to go to that place. That place, of course, is different for everyone. Maybe that place is a fancy job, a career, or maybe it's a family. Maybe your internal sense of direction is pulling you in the direction of becoming the crazy cat lady for your neighborhood or trying to turn you into a giant hippie. You know, I'm down with whatever your place happens to be.

The last three weeks, I have had no real sense of self. No feelings of being pulled to be anything - even the crazy cat lady (although, to be realistic, I would probably end up being the crazy poodle lady).

You never really know how weird it is to not feel like that until you experience it. But the best part of losing that internal sense of direction is finding it again. Which I thought about tonight and was all ... "Well duh miss smarty pants. That's the only good part of losing anything."

But then I stopped and thought about it. Really thought about it. And I realised that it's not just about finding something that was lost. It's more about how it always finds you at the oddest and most obviously right moment and you're just over come with a sense of well being. Your internal sense of direction finally is pointing north again and you can move forward knowing that you're at least heading in generally the right direction.

The other day my dad was telling me about how he hoped that I either found a career that I loved or married well so that I could stay at home. And even though he wasn't trying to get me back on track, his words totally switched a light bulb on in my head and my Sad Little Ghost, who also took a vacation apparently, was all like ... "Let's do this!".

It's nice to at least feel like I'm back on track, even if there is still some grieving that I need to deal with. At least I know where I want to go.

Tonight is Hard

Tonight I miss him.

Armini has been in China for a little more than two weeks.

So far I've been ok. Surprisingly so. I think that I did a lot of grieving for him, for us, before he left.

But tonight I can't help but think of that moment. The moment where I had to turn away from him in the airport. When he left.

Tonight is hard. Tonight I miss what I used to have. Tonight I don't know what to do with myself.

My Longest Relationship

Is officially with this guy:


He beat out Armini for the spot by 3 whole months. Not too shabby, if you ask me.

Today is Tim's birth-a-versary. He is 7-ish years old and I have had him for 3 whole years. 3 wonderful years that have gone by much too fast.

Dear Timmer,

You have grown and changed so much over the last 3 years that sometimes I wonder how you were ever that scared little guy that I met at the humane society. I have enjoyed seeing you grow more confident, more friendly, so much and I still get excited with every one of your accomplishments.

I love snuggling you every night. I love waking up and having you be instantly in my face so excited to start the day. I'm not going to lie, I also love the fact that you like me the best of all the people you know. It makes me all warm in fuzzy inside to know that you like me so much more than other people.

Maybe sometimes you deserve your nickname Poopy Pants, but I still love you. I can't wait to spend another 3 years with you. You are my little snuggle muffin and I am so glad that we are going to be together forever.

I love you bunches,
Your Mom

PS - I really wish that you could read, then you would probably love me even more.

I'm going to call it an internet vacation

So you may have noticed (or not, whatever) that I haven't posted here (or anywhere) in last month. A ton of stuff happened in my real life and it was overwhelming to the point that I needed some time to process it and some of the stuff was more "impending" than anything else and I was trying my best to live and enjoy my life in the moment. But now things have settled a little, all impending things have ... impended.

July was a big month. And when I say big, what I really should say is HUGE.

• First off, I quit my job. It was something that I had been alluding too for a while, but I didn't want to mention it on the off chance that somehow my boss found out and decided to cut me lose before I was ready.
• I moved out of my wonderful little apartment. You'd think that 6 months wouldn't feel like 2 months, but it did. Now I'm back at home with mom and dad. Yippee!
• I ran my half marathon. Hilda and I managed to stay together the whole time, which was awesome, and I finished in under 3 hours which was the goal. Hooray me!
• Armini and I went to Disneyland and then he left for China. It was a wonderful and incredibly painful week.

So, like I said, a busy month. And a lot of the stuff that I did was pretty emotionally charged. All in all I am ok but really, really tired.

I find myself at a place now where I don't know what to do with myself. Armini and I made the decision to not try and stay together while he's in China, so now I'm single to boot. It's almost like someone hit the reset button on my life. Which is something that sometimes excites me but also terrifies me.

I am overwhelmed and I don't know how to go about rebuilding my life. It's tough, but I know that I will get through it (although I have to say that I'm a little worried about the amount of chocolate ice cream I feel compelled to eat).

So, I may not be posting much, and when I do it might be kind of sad. I'll try to keep it upbeat and happy, but I'm a girl and it's hard for me not to get my emotions all over everything when I have something huge happening in my life. Be prepared.

Omigosh! It's Thursday!

Holy cow people. It's been, like, two weeks since I last posted and that is mainly due to the fact that I had way better things to do than sit around and try to be all witty and charming on the internet. What is better than wit and charm on the internet, you ask?

WELL.

How about extreme tubing? Or watching bad chick flicks in the car with Armini's sister during a 9 hour car ride? What about making smores over a campfire next to a lake in Minnesota where Armini's family has so graciously allowed me to come and join in the family not once but twice (and the only reason it wasn't 3 times is because my own family guilted me into spending the 4th with them in Ohio last year. LAME.)

(Just kidding. I love my family. However, there isn't much extreme tubing going on in Ohio and I missed it. A lot.)

So, if you found your way over here last week because of a certain Item! Wednesday post made by one of my most favoritest bloggers evar Havi Brooks (seriously, I almost ran around the office in a fit of pure joy when I read it Wednesday morning), I would like to say WELCOME! My Sad Little Ghost and I are not at all sad that you are here and we hope that you will stick around. And just for the record, his ego has swelled a bit since we checked the analytics and the pages that mention him are now the top viewed content. He would like to say, "Thanks for making me popular!"

And for my 3 regular readers: I know what you came here for. And I will not disappoint you. I hope.

Things I've Learned Thursday #3
The Uber-Fun Two Week Edition
{ta-da!}

1. How to get my blog back into Google's Index. Exciting!! Now, I can finally start playing that super fun game where you look at the ridiculous phrases that people use to get to your blog. Literally, I cannot wait.
2. Uncle Bob is the most crazy extreme tube driver alive. My shoulders hurt for two days afterward. And: it was Totally Worth It.
3. If you should ever decide that your tiny dog isn't snuggling you as much as you would like, I believe I have found the solution: just leave them with your parents for a few days until they are convinced that you will never come back for them. When you do ... Snuggle Party!!
4. Sometimes making the right decision for you (personally, at this time in your life) is hard. But you know what's harder? Taking the decision and then making it a reality in your life. I have found that it comes with a lot of guilt, and bad feelings, and stress and stomach upset (for real).
   
5. Even though I hate McDonald's radio commercials, the one with the rapping snack wrap cracks me up. However, I think that may be because it reminds me of Doctor Evil rapping in Austin Powers [I can't remember if it was 2 or 3].
6. Not running for two weeks and then trying to get back into the swing when your half marathon is less than a month away and you still haven't run a whole 13.1 miles yet is probably the stupidest thing that anyone could ever do. I have found that it comes with a lot of bad feelings, and stress, and stomach upset (for real).
   

I hope that everyone had a happy and safe 4th of July. Did anyone learn anything good?

Things I've Learned Thursday

Holy Cow! It's Thursday again already. And look! I'm making my second Things I've Learned Thursday post! Aren't you just so impressed/proud of me?

Truth be told, I have been waiting for this day all week. So ... there's a chance that this really could be something that happens forever. But then again, this could be last one you'll ever see. Don't get too attached people - you've been warned.

Things I've Learned Thursday #2
{ta-da!}

1. I might have a roommate! To live with! In the future! Isn't that neat? I think so!
2. Being a grown up is still pretty lame (but it's getting better all the time).
3. I am really excited for football season to start (it may have something to do with my irrational desire for winter to get. here. already.) because I saw the Miller Lite ad where the bartender lady is poring a beer into a glass and there is football commentary playing in the background (I tried to find it on You Tube with no luck) the other day and got goosebumps.
• On a related note, I might be turning into a dude. I'll keep you posted on that one.
4. Hilda is 100% officially engaged (never mind that they had the wedding location and date set before he gave her the ring) and I don't even get to be in the room with her when she says "I do". SAD FACE/temper tantrum.
   
• On a related note, does anyone out there know a spy or ninja? I really need some help getting into a wedding I'm not invited too.
• And just so you don't think that my BFF is actually a bee-atch, the only people who will be in the room when she says "I do" are the parents and siblings. They're going to throw a huge reception bash that everyone ever is going to be invited too. At least I have free booze and dancing my face off to look forward too, right?

Woo-Hoo! Another Thursday, another few things learned. Tantrums were thrown. Dudification took place. And the hunt is on for someone to get me into that wedding (seriously).

What did you learn this week?

GiST 16/365

#1. When I got in my car this morning, Sexual Healing was on the radio. Truly, a great way to start the day.

#2. Practicing some awesome procrastination annihilating tactics.

#3. Laughing really hard at The Daily Show and The Colbert Report over lunch and having Armini laugh at me because I'm laughing so hard. It was fun and felt really good.

#4. Convincing myself that being dizzy from the oppressive heat in my office after the air stopped working (for the second day in a row) is really fun and that it's just like being on a carnival ride.

#5. Looking around Etsy trying to find the perfect straw hat for the summer.


Visit Grace in Small Things

GiST 15/365

Because my head is about to spin around Exorcist style if I don't take a second that stop thinking about all the bad things that are happening in my life the challenges that I'm dealing with right now.

#1. The eye drops that the vet gave me for Bing are doing exactly what they are supposed to do (this means fewer vet visits going forward, which, seriously, is totally awesome).

#2. Even though they are half a country away from me, I have some of the best friends that ever existed. (I'm looking at you Hilda and Ashley)

#3. SuperMama didn't yell at me in the frustrated voice-mail she left me yesterday (and I could tell that she wanted too). It's like she knew that my head was going to pop off if she did. I love my mom.

#4. Being pro-active about making meaningful changes in my life (no matter how small) that will hopefully lead me to long lasting (and, as far as I'm concerned, well deserved) happiness.

#5. Last night while watching Doubt with Armini, I recognized the old nun who was going blind as the same lady that played the librarian in the opening scene of Ghostbusters (it's true. He made me look it up to prove it.) Who's the film major now, be-atch?


Visit Grace in Small Things

PS - Armini: while I may have super-awesome, actress spotting and recognizing abilities I still recognize that you are the film major of the apartment. For now.

Things I've Learned Thursday

I think this might be something that I do every week as a chance to look back and think about what I have learned about life over the past 7 days. And I here-do by solemnly swear that not all of the them will be mopey and depressing things (and if they are mopey and depressing things I will do my best to make my misery something that we can all laugh about). However, there's a good chance that I'll forget so it may be something that happens every other Thursday. Or maybe once a month. Or, if we're being honest with each other, you may never read another Things I've Learned Thursday post again.

And now that you have absolutely no expectations of me, let's get to the meat of the matter:

Things I've Learned Thursday #1
{ta-da!}

1. Oreos are best when consumed in groups of 3, 4, or 5 (and sometimes, when the occasion calls for it, 12). Extra deliciousness points are awarded if you are eating them after a good run where you're knees weren't screaming bloody murder the whole time (yay!)
2. Being a grown-up is, at times, the absolute lamest thing in the world. I can't believe that when I was little I actually couldn't wait until I was a grown-up.
   
3. How to embed a You-Tube video! It was awesome. Also, it was a total accident that I'm not sure I will ever be able to recreate. Sad face.

And that's all that I have for you today. Three little things. Three little not depressing or mopey things. And those three little things were quite a bit harder to think of than you might think. I think.

So, what about you? Did you learn anything this past week? Tell me about it! Or if you would rather, write your own What I've Learned Thursday post on your blog and then I'll link to it here. I promise that it will be awesome. Hooray for interactive posts!

Making Hairy Buts Cry is More Fun than you Might Think

Have you ever had a moment (I know, there I go again with the Moment thing - only this time I'm talking about a moment in time not necessarily a Moment in time. Does that make sense? Um ... moving on.) where you walk into [a place], in this case it's my bedroom, and wonder how in the hell you let [that one thing that you always say you're going to do/take care of but never really get around too] get so out of hand, in this case it's the fact that I never clean, that you can feel the vein in your forehead start to throb a little?

No? Is that just me?

This is one of those days where I can hear my Sad Little Ghost screaming at me to get off of my butt and just do something about it.

And I think I may have figured out what was standing between me and my Sad Little Ghost all that time ... I think it's a Big, Ugly, Hairy But, BUHB for short (you can visualize that however you would like).

As I sit here, thinking about it, a whole bunch of Big, Ugly, Hairy Buts are rolling around in my head trying to block out my Sad Little Ghost and his wailing of "Clean your space! Free your mind! Put the vein in your forehead back where it belongs!".

• There's the "But I have to take the dogs to obedience classes tonight" BUHB
• There's the "But I need to spend time working on my budget tonight after obedience class" BUHB
• There's the "But if I put in a load of laundry before I leave for obedience class, it will sit there forever and then it will mildew/piss off another resident and prompt a passive aggressive note that will make me feel bad" BUHB
• There's the "But I won't have time to do my yoga tonight if I start this now" BUHB
  
• And there's the "But I need to blog about this more than I need to actually do something about this" BUHB (which is not only my personal favorite but also what is really happening right now ... sad)

Too bad my BUHB-es (that's the plural, you know) don't know that I still have another 45 minutes before I have to leave for obedience classes tonight, which should give me just enough time to walk the dogs (very quickly), fold the towels and sort the laundry so that when I get back and I do a load and do my yoga at the same time - gasp! shock! awe!

I have to say that I usually don't like to make people/things/figments of my imagination cry, but the vein in my forehead sure does relax a lot when it see my BUHB-es weeping like little babies.

To the folding!

My First Conversation with my Sad Little Ghost

(Just so you know, I originally wrote this post on June 4th but for some reason never hit publish. It's the conversation I had as a result of discovering my Sad Little Ghost in this post here.)

This Scene: It's about 10:00, I'm in bed about to fall asleep when I realize that I still haven't taken the time to talk to my Sad Little Ghost.

ME: I'm sorry that I didn't take the time to talk to you today.
SLG: It's alright. You need your rest (he pats my head).
ME: What? But ... Why are you being so nice about this if I've made you so sad? Now that I know you're here, don't you want to talk about it?
SLG: Well, yes. But I don't want you to lose sleep over it. You know that I'm here, and that's enough for today.

From this very short snippet of conversation I learned a few things about my Sad Little Ghost and his (yes, it's a he) existence in my universe:

#1. My Sad Little Ghost isn't haunting me because he wants me to feel bad about myself. It's a Sad Little Ghost because he's just trying to get me to the things that he knows (and for that matter, I know) would make me happy in the long run. He's sad because I don't listen to him.

#2. There is another something in my universe that was standing in front my Sad Little Ghost; blocking him from my view, making sure that I wasn't paying attention when my Sad Little Ghost would try to speak to me through Armini or SuperMama (or for that matter, anyone who would try to talk to me about this stuff). Something that was providing me with the excuses and tools to think that I was happy not listening to these things. I don't know what this something is quite yet ...

#3. My Sad Little Ghost is very nice and sweet and way, way, way smarter than me. I think that we are going to besties. Especially since he lets me sleep even when we really do have a lot to talk about and catch up on. And plans to make.

It's Beginning to Look Like I'm Losing it!

Have I ever told you about how I feel sort of like I've suddenly come down with a huge, raging case of Teh Craziness? No? Well then.

I have a huge, raging case of Teh Craziness. Which, I suppose you could also call a quarter-life crisis, however, since everyone and their monkey in the 20-something set seems to be having one of these too, I don't want to call it that. Why? Because I'm stubborn I want to be different (also, I don't have a monkey ... yet).

Lately Teh Craziness has taken on a new and interesting shape (because, you know, it has Wonder Twin powers). It has chosen the form of ... me being really, really excited for Christmas to get here. I'll just let you sit with that for a moment.

Yes, it is June. Yup, December is still about 6 months away. Yes ... today I considered putting up some Christmas lights. I also spent a little time thinking about my list of people to buy for and what I think I might make/buy for everyone. I almost feel like a drug addict.

Ahem. Hello, my name is Super Careo and I am addicted to Christmas.

But really, I am not addicted to it. I mean, I love to give presents and Christmas time is my favorite "time" of the year. Seriously, what's not to like? But I am not a fan of winter at all. It turns normally good drivers into complete morons. And it's miserably, depressingly, arcticly cold. I do not do well in cold.

So today, as I was having these odd thoughts about Christmas shopping and light stringing, I stopped to think about why I was wishing for Christmas (I'm trying to get rid of all things that are following me around, like my Sad Little Ghost).

I ultimately decided that I am eager for December to arrive for a few reasons:

1. Christmas (DUH).
2. I get to skip all the time that would be spent in the office and all work related things
   
3. My trip to China to visit Armini looks like it's going to be happening in January, so skipping ahead to December means I don't have to wait for my trip AND all the money I need to travel will magically be in my savings account and ready to go! ... Right?

I think what it boils down too is that I know that next few months are going to BLOW make me cry a lot be lonely be challenging. Even though I'm sure that these coming months will probably also prove to be chock full of defining moments for me [and blah blah, insert inspirational bull here], I think I would rather just skip it all thankyouverymuch.

Unfortunately time travel hasn't really been invented yet, so I think I'm screwed big time stuck. I'm not looking forward to it (except for the part about Christmas - obviously).

And just so you know, plans are being made. Ideas being drafted. Momentum is building. Towards what you ask? Well ... it's one part I don't know yet with a pinch of I can't tell you.

(But mostly, it's because I don't know yet)

(Whatever it is though, I bet it's going to be awesome)



(Aaaaaand, you're welcome)

It's Been One Year!

I love me some anniversaries. So much so (apparently) that I am not only having one here, but also at the other place that I blog sometimes (it's called Master of my Money) when I want to cry over how much money I don't have in my bank account talk about things that are much less interesting than the time that I broke up with Mexican Food or how I hate politics so much that I would be willing to move to a deserted island with a monkey butler to get away from it all (but seriously, who wouldn't want to move to a deserted desert island with a monkey butler?).

Anyway. Today marks the one year mark of this little internet hideaway. One year since I started to write about my life somewhere other than Live Journal (and no, I am not going to link to it. Much too much angst for anyone to handle that is over the age of 15).

If you are at all like me and have a thing for first posts, you can click right here and read it. I AM going to warn you however ... it's a little TMI. I even read it and thought to myself "Really? This is a lame first post. Maybe I should just link to this one instead. It's way more awesomer ... sort of". But I know you that you are probably smart enough that you would figure out that I lied and then I would be known as 'Super Careo: The Super Liar' and no one wants that.

Um ... well, yea. That's about it.

I would write some glorious post about how this blog has changed my life but I can't help but feel like the last month or two of posts have been really depressing. Or really long and involved and I would really like to try and lighten up the mood around here.

So instead, I'll just say this: If you have read this far down, Thank You for being a reader of my words (bonus points for clicking on links). I live for your blog comments. I live to read what you write. And I hope that someday we can be BFFs in real life.

Here's to another great year. Hopefully.

Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment, A Real Moment and a Ghost

If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I like to have Moments (with the capital M!). In fact, I have so many that I have a blog tag for them. I like to think it's because I am a deep thinker rather than the fact that I have so many due to the fact that I am a silly girl who is not yet well versed in the way of the world and the way that I interact with that world. Right? Well, something like that. I think. It made sense in my head, anyway.

Moving on.

This weekend I did not have a Moment. I had a Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment. Why would I call it a Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment? Well that is actually quite simple: I realized something that I have realized on many, many, many (times infinity) times before this last time that I realized it. Which sounds repetitive because this thing that I realized (again, for the eleventy billion-th time) is something that is a reoccurring theme in my life. You could even go so far as to say that it haunts me. It follows me around like some Sad Little Ghost that doesn't know what to with itself. If only the solution would be to hold a seance and tell it that it's ok to leave me alone now. Unfortunately, the solution is not simple (or even close to being that simple) or else I would have gotten rid of my Sad Little Ghost a loooong time ago.

Want to know what makes my Sad Little Ghost sad? I'm a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate. Always have been. Armini can attest to this.

{This is where I would normally start going on and on about how I don't mean to be a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate, but I'm TOO LAZY to stand up for myself. Plus, they are all excuses and this is about getting past the excuses to the root of the problem. Right? Right. Let's continue.}

My Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment (which, as a result of writing this very post may have turned into an actual Moment), is when I realized that the messiness of my living space is having a direct effect on the level of Teh Craziness that I am feeling in my life outside of my bed/apartment. It probably is also having a direct effect on how hard I find it to get out of bed in the morning (because I don't think that there are many people who are itching to jump out of bed in the morning when their life feels like it's spiraling out of control). But, like I said, this is not even remotely (not even a little bit) close to being the first time that this thought has crossed my mind.

It's also not the first time I have sat down and thought to myself, "What can I do to be a pro-active, organized, gem of a person/roommate short of moving home and having SuperMama yell (in a tough-love sort of way, of course) at me every day for being a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate?"

However, this is the first time that I have sat down and looked my Sad Little Ghost right in the face because, until I started writing this post (and not even until the second draft!) I didn't know that I was being followed around by a Sad Little Ghost. Well, I mean, I knew there was something, but I didn't know what it was until about 20 minutes ago.

{This Moment brought to you by Havi the Pirate Queen (@Havi on Twitter, if you're into that sort of thing) because she is awesome - and also, she has monsters and walls and encourages others to find their own versions of their stuck. /PSA}

So now I am in the process of working out a way to lay my Sad Little Ghost to rest, aka Step Two in my Brilliant Plan to rid myself of Teh Craziness (Step One is here). Which was the whole reason that I started writing this post, but now, because I have a Sad Little Ghost that I need to talk too, has been rendered useless. One cannot go about dealing with ghosts unless one first holds the seance to find out what they want or need in order to leave you alone.

GiST 14/365

1. Chicken to eat

2. Internet to surf

3. Boyfriends to annoy

4. Dogs to snuggle

5. Knowing in your heart of hearts that everything really, really, really is going to end well


Visit Grace in Small Things

(and just so you know, I haven't died or locked myself in my bedroom {even though sometimes I think doing that would fix a lot of things}, there are posts coming ... promise!)

I'm Trying So Hard ...

These past few months have been really hard for me. And overall, I think that I have handled them as well as anyone could be expected too.

But as a direct result of all the craziness, I feel like I have more or less lost control of my life.

I know that this will pass and I'm not sitting around wallowing in self pity (which is good because I know that I could, very easily, do just that). I am trying to be pro-active about regaining that sense of control. But how, exactly, does one get control of life when really (when you think about it) no one can ever control life. Or other people. Or anything (really).

And when I think about it, being able to control any of that stuff would be an awesome (and not in the "totally cool" way either; more in the awe inspiring way) responsibility that I do not want.

I don't want everything to go my way all the time. In fact, I think that would be pretty boring. You know ... I want to be surprised.

I also happen to know, for a fact, that there are several times in my life where, had things gone the way I had planned them to go, I would have missed out on some of the best things in my life currently:

• If I had gotten my first choice in dorms my freshman year, I wouldn't have met JS who lived next door. We probably wouldn't have lived together the next year at Sigma Kappa and if that hadn't happened, I would have never met Armini.
• If the Lawrence Humane society had updated their Pet Finder page regularly, I never would have called to see about the standard poodle and I would have never met Tim.
• If Armini and I never fought (and really, don't all girls imagine having a relationship where they never yell at their significant other?) then I wouldn't have met Bing either.
  

I know that there are other wonder and delightful things in my life that came from things that went wrong, but I can't think of anymore.

But the point is this: Good comes from bad. Every winter everything dies and then every spring it all comes back to life. It's a circle right?

(Sometimes the best way to express yourself is through cartoon movie references, you know?)

Anyway. I'm sure that everyone feels like this at one point or another. I actually had a conversation with one of my co-workers this morning about how she feels like her life has been a little off kilter ever since her son was born (and it's not because she had a baby - just all the craziness that life has thrown at her and her family since then). It's conversations like that one that give me the courage to step up and try to get a foot hold in my life, even if it is speeding down the track completely out of control (something akin to this, only minus the flying off the track in a fireball at the end).

(I hope)

So, what do you have now that you wouldn't have had if everything had gone according to plan?

GiST 13/365

1. Knowing that no one will judge me for only being on my 13th GiST when I've been doing it for about 3 months.

2. Having conversations with Armini that are deep (even if they end in tears)

3. Soft pillows

4. Snugly puppies

5. New car (soon)


Visit Grace in Small Things

Dear John ... I mean, Mexican Food

Dear Mexican food,

I have been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. I mean, you have to admit our relationship has been a little rocky the last few months. I thought we were getting along great. I was trying to branch out and try new things, you know, get to know you a little better.

But now this? I thought we were friends. I thought that our relationship might be going places . Come on, half of your food is served smothered in cheese and I LOVE cheese. I just don't understand why you had to start being so mean.

So, I guess what I'm really trying to say Mexican food is that I think it's time for us to go our separate ways. Clearly you don't seem to like me much anymore so ... I think it's time that we both go find people that we enjoy spending more time with. Although I'll be honest, I'm going to miss your cheesy delightfulness.

Yours,
SuperCareo

This is a pretty Lame Post

(I use a lot of quotation marks in this post and I'm sorry but I felt it was necessary. Just imagine Dr. Evil doing it and then it will be less annoying than it would have been otherwise. At least, I thought it was funny. But that could be because I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and have only had one cup of coffee so far this morning. Now to the post!)

This weekend I discovered something about myself. I like refer to it as the "lameness quotient". This is how it works:

• Every year you get older you get a little more "lameness" added to your "lameness quotient"
• The "lameness" makes you tired, antisocial, and (obviously) lame.
  
• The "lameness" continues to build until you're 80 and then all you do is sit around on your front porch yelling at the neighbor kids to get off your lawn.

Why do I bring this up? Well, the last few weeks I feel like my "lameness quotient" has skyrocketed. How do I know that it has increased? For starters I can't remember what I did on Friday night, which means that it had to have been a super lame night.

(Oh, I just remembered what we did and it was not a super lame night, actually. I guess that "lameness quotient" increases at a direct rate with "forgetfulness". BOO.)

Saturday night Armini and I went to see The Killers, one of my favorite bands in life. We were both dragging ass on the way there, perked up for the concert thanks to the beer we drank, and then dragged our sorry butts to the bar next to our apartment in an attempt to re-create the social life that we had before we made the terrible decision to graduate.

And do you know what we talked about? We talked about why we were so tired and about death and other equally depressing things. Hello ... LAME!

Plus, we went by ourselves which is an indicator of how many friends we have in the area. I don't know if I would count that as a "lameness quotient" indicator really however, because Arimini works nights and I work days which makes it hard for me to hang out with the friends that he has made at work; and while I love the people that I work with most of the them have kids and spouses and other lame things that they feel like they have to go home and take care of instead of coming out and getting wasted with me on Thursdays.

Sunday, we slept until noon. Got out of bed long enough to go to the dog park for a bit, had some dinner with his folks and then laid around the apartment talking about how we were both SO TIRED and then we watched Changling. Another indicator of an increase in my "lameness quotient" is that I can't watch movies where they hurt little kids without bawling uncontrollably for about 30 minutes after the fact.

I don't know that I am ready to deal with this level of "lameness" at this point in my life (for Pete's sake, I'm not even 25!!). I have to find a way to combat my steadily increasing "lameness quotient", and fast. If I have one more conversation with Armini about how we are SO TIRED (for reals, we had no fewer than 12 conversations this weekend about how we were tired), I am going to find a bridge and throw myself off of it. At least then I won't be sleepy anymore, right?

Anyway, I want some suggestions. How would you try to lower your "lameness quotient" after a weekend like this? As incentive for giving me suggestions, I will write one post a week (with pictures!) of me doing whatever you suggest - within reason. I'm not going out and getting a job a strip club, people. This is a PG-13 blog.

Cautiously Optimistic

Yesterday was rough. I found out that a baby named Stellan had surgery on his little heart (you can read about the whole thing here), that the husband of one of my favorite knitting bloggers passed away, and I found out when I am leaving for Aunt Beach's funeral. I couldn't keep it together at work so I went home and spent time doing work around the house, baking and generally not thinking depressing thoughts.

This morning, however, I made a decision. I have decided that I will not get overwhelmed by all the bad juju that's floating around right now. I know that this too shall pass and that I am just going to have keep swimming until things start to look up again. And I'm not the only one it seems ... S over at a.little.bit.delirious feels the same way. Brooke knows what's up. And RS27 is always hilarious and never, ever depressing.

As I was getting my stuff together yesterday afternoon, I went and told some co-workers that I was leaving and one of them said, "This has been a rough year for you, hasn't it?". And it has been a rough year but also not such a rough year. I know that my year could have been much worse, I'm sure that I will have years that are worse in the future. But it made me think of all the things that are bad that are going to happen this year:

1. Armini is going to China in T - 3.5 months
2. My 102 year old grandfather is in the hospital with fluid in his lungs and it doesn't look like he will be coming home anytime soon (however, we have been doing the "this is the last [insert holiday here] that we will have with Papa" dance for only about 6 years now so ... there's always a chance he could make it to 103)
3. I am going to have to move in August
4. I have no idea where I am going to move to ... maybe home (weep)?

But there are also a lot of good things that are going to happen too:

1. I'm officially registered for the half marathon in San Francisco
2. My bib number for said marathon is one up from Hilda's (who is also running in the marathon)
3. I am going to be in the best shape in my life come July 26th
4. I am going to go on a bunch of trips this year (concerts with Armini, family reunions, San Francisco to visit Hilda, maybe Las Vegas this winter)
5. I get to get a new car in January (which is technically next year but it happens to be something I am really looking forward too, so I am listing it here)

See? Just right off the top of my head my good things list is longer than my bad things list. AND the good things list has a whole bunch of other things on it that are just lumped into larger categories.

The point of all of this is to announce to [you, myself, the internet] that I have decided to be cautiously optimistic. I will be ready to accept the blows, the bad things, the sad things but I am not going to allow myself to be ruled by the fear that something bad is waiting to jump out from around a corner. And so, I promise you readers that there will be more happy things on this blog than sad. I am going to do my part to clear the air of some of that nasty juju.

The Ebb and Flow

And just like that life comes full circle again.

This weekend my Aunt Beach (name changed for the privacy of my family) passed away. While I would love to tell you all the details, it's not really my story to tell and on the off chance that someone who knows my family finds this post, I don't want them to get all "why would you put that out on the internet for strangers to see??". So please forgive me for being uber-vague about the situation.

Aunt Beach and myself enjoying the open bar at my cousin's wedding last summer. Yes, I am wasted in this picture, thanks for asking.

She was a lovely and super creative lady. I am so very sorry that I didn't take the time to get to know her better or to send her a card or ask her to teach me how to be as awesome an artist as she was. Just the last time we were at her house I realized that we both really like to decorate our houses in a 1950's-esc style and we had roamed around her house admiring her flea market art finds and I gushed about how I loved everything.

It makes me sad that I now have to use the past tense when I talk about my Aunt Beach. She is the first family member that I have known well that I will have to bury. Well, I won't have to bury her, but I'm going to be there when it happens ... you know what I mean. For Pete's sakes, I still have all of my grandparents! It boggles the mind. And while I know that I will never be able to give my Aunt Beach another hug, or hang out with her at the reunions, I still can't wrap my mind around the whole thing. I have never had to deal with death so close and it is confusing and scary and sad that I have to learn with my Aunt who should have been around for a lot longer.

There is a lot of bad in the world these days. This economy and all the doom and gloom from Washington about how "it's going to get worse before it gets better" isn't helping. Not only should you be holding your children close, but now is the time to reach out to your family. Tell them that you love them and then start planning the reunion. Seriously. If there was ever a time to start spending time with the people that you love, now is that time. We need to spread a little love to make all the bad juju in the air not quite so bad.