Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My Summertime Manifesto

One of my good friends posted a to do list for this summer and (borrowing the name from Tara over at the Blonde Chicken) I thought I would be a copy cat and do the same thing.

Summertime Manifesto
- of Great Times and Awesomeness -
  1. Camping with good friends
  2. Having lots of adult beverages with good friends while camping
  3. Making the 'reunion' float trip in my head go from a thought in my head to actually a thing with dates and people who are coming
  4. Spending more time with my dogs at the dog park
  5. Enjoying more evenings on my patio (hopefully in my hammock)
  6. Working on my sewing; specifically learning how to make summer dresses (with pockets! Who doesn't love dresses with pockets!)
  7. Finding joy where I am, where I am going, and the process that is the journey to where I am going
  8. Dance parties - to have them and to dance until I can't move anymore
What are you going to do this summer?

OH, and before I forget: If you still haven't told me what you think I should do with my hair, you probably should. Hilda and Armini are both in favor of long-ish hair; which means that shorty-short hair only has one vote. This is serious business people - VOTE TODAY.

Monday, April 19, 2010

I need your help!

Because I have suddenly become a person who cannot make a decision on my own, I have decided (progress!) to leave my next hair style up to you my readers (regression!). SO, tell me, what do you think?

Short hair ... or ... long-ish hair?

It's been almost a year since my last hair cut (I know some of you may have gagged at that statement, I'm sorry) and I need one desperately. But I can't decide if I want to just get a trim or cut off what I have and go back to having shorty-short hair.

I won't make an appointment until someone tells me what to do. Which means that if not having a hair cut for (almost) a full calendar year makes you throw up in your mouth a little, you should probably leave a comment to end the cruel and unusually torture I have inflicted upon my hair.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Title Unkown

I have a confession to make.

Well, it's not so much a confession as it is me finally acknowledging this thing to myself. And also, to the world.

I am miserable.

It sounds dramatic, doesn't it? It's like I've been transported back in time to when I was 16 and running around saying things like "I hate my life" or "you just don't understand me" or "why doesn't that [hot boy] think I'm pretty?"

So maybe not that last one (or least not anymore, I totally know I'm pretty thankyouverymuch).

But those other two pretty much hit the mark. I'm feeling very lost, misunderstood, scared and picked on. The long and the short of it is, I hate my life as it is right now. And so I did something that most of the people I know think is a really stupid idea.

I applied, along with Armini, to teach English in South Korea.

Yes, it is a drastic change. But the most I think about it, the more I like the idea of taking a year off from my life and getting away from here so that I can clear my head and really think about what I want to do with my life.

I told my parents last night and I have to say that in some ways it went better than I thought it would, and in others it was worse. My dad took it pretty well. My mom did the total opposite of what I thought she would. Rather than totally loose it, she internalized it. Gave me a long list of things I could do here, in the country, that would me more money/get me away from Kansas/let me get started on a career.

And that ... the "c" word ... is what it really comes down too.

I haven't made it a secret that my mom has really been pushing me to go to grad school, and I think there is a lot of complicated family drama fueling it. I know that I am getting older. I know that going to grad school is going to become harder as I get older and try to start a family of my own.

And yet, despite all of this, I am still willing to push it back.

Am I avoiding it? It's possible, probable even. My motivation is 1 part getting far enough away from my parents that I can make a decision on my own, 1 part making a decision and actually following through with it, 1 part being with Amrini (lets just be honest) and 1 part I am a little sad that I didn't go to China and I want to do it now.

I don't know what's going to happen. It's possible that I am going to be one of those people who does a million different things over the course of their lifetime because I can't freaking figure out what to do with myself.

Or maybe this is just the start of me doing some epic shit. Epicly.