I have a bad feeling about this ...

To use the line from Han Solo (and the whole Star Wars trilogy, really).

I don't know what it is but I woke up with that icky feeling in my stomach like something bad has/will happen sometime in the near future.

I had a dream about high school and the first guy who I ever referred to as a boyfriend ... but I don't know why that would give me a bad feeling.

I talked to Boyfriend last night and he didn't seem too happy with me because I have to miss our friend's party due to a babysitting job that got moved up suddenly. But that shouldn't make me feel bad either because I'm doing everything I can to help out with the party without actually being there.

I wonder what it is and if it will go away soon. Dinner with Boyfriend tonight should be quite nice and hopefully by then this feeling will have left me alone. I know nothing is wrong ... I hope. I suddenly think that I will have to make some phone calls during my lunch break.

Also, I am doing another overnight babysitting job ... wish me luck. I hope the dogs are better behaved then they were last time. Geez.

Oh, and also ...

I forgot to mention that Boyfriend didn't get the job in Florida and has accepted a 6 month position with a company in town. Fingers crossed that it turns into something long term.

Also ... I had fake nails put on and while they are fun I think I might hate them. If I don't start to like them in the next few days, I think I might soak them off. I read all about it on the internet yesterday. All I need to do is soak them in some nail polish remover and they will melt off of my fingers.

Also ... I need chocolate. BADLY.

Why?

Why is it on the days when you are sooo tired or just plain not feeling well my hair always manages to look terrible? It's almost like it's picking up on the way the rest of my body is acting (slow and crampy) and is doing it's best at imitating it. Even though it's hair. I mean really.

I only 4.5 hours of sleep last night and I spent the evening packing. Then I got up early to unload the stuff from the interior of my car so that I could drive around without looking like a hobo and came to work. So ... I'm tired. My period (the first one I've had in 3 months WOOT) decided to kick it into fully gear today and I feel like someone is repeatedly shoving flaming hot pokers through my belly. So not only does my stomach hurt, my back does too. And they are terrible cramps. And I can feel them zapping the little remaining energy I have.

I think I have reached the point in my day when I just can't really work anymore. Which is ok because I have been a little workhorse lately and when I get here in the mornings I do as much as I can so that when this happens it will look like I was productive all day. Yes my friends, the time has come for me to sit and stare at my computer, run random Google searches and pretend that I am doing working when really I have retreated to the happy place in my mind in hopes that I can escape the pain in my belly.

I will see you the in happy place ...

Oh wow.

Last night I had a total breakdown. I had just gotten done with a 48 hour babysitting job and I was tired and stressed out a little (not because of the babies, but because of their dogs). Well - I came home to find that our own dogs had not been put in the basement, like they are supposed to be when no one is home, and they had gotten into our kitchen trash can and scattered coffee grounds all over the breakfast room floor and there was trash everywhere and in almost every room on the main floor of the house. It's those damn coffee grounds that put me over the edge. Ugh.

I get to go to Lawrence and see Boyfriend today!! I'm very excited. I haven't seen him since he got back from Florida, I was babysitting so I couldn't pick him up from the airport when he got home on Wednesday.

Job Interview ...

Well, Boyfriend has a big job interview today in Florida. He flew down there yesterday and he comes back tomorrow. The whole thing makes me feel funny. I'm scared and excited all at the same time.

I'm scared because if he moves away and I don't move down there with him right away, which is probably what will end up happening, what will happen to us? And while I would like to think that he has changed I'm afraid of having a repeat of what happened in Texas. I'm scared of him meeting someone.

I'm excited because he's going out into the world and trying to get a good job in a new place, something that I hope I can do in the next few years. I'm excited because if he gets it he'll live in a neat place and I will get to go visit him every few months.

It's an odd emotional mix and I'm having trouble figuring out exactly how I feel about the whole thing. I don't want him to not get the job because I was thinking negative thoughts or because I prayed that he wouldn't (I haven't done any of these things) and so I keep just hoping that what's supposed to happen will happen and I hope that what I want to happen happens. So, you might ask, what do I want to have happen? I want him to do what's right for him, but I want us to stay together and be happy.

Fingers crossed.