Saturday, May 1, 2010

I can now add "fog" to my list of things I'm scared of

I drove home from my parent's house at 1:30 last night (after watching a bad Lifetime movie with my mom and part of Dinosaur Train before we both got a really bad case of the giggles) and managed to scare the crap out of myself because I am just that talented.

It was super misty out and I don't think that anyone can blame me for getting creeped out when you are in the middle of the country (my parents live about 20 minutes from the nearest highway, in a neighborhood surrounded by farmland) and I just can't help it that there was corn growing next to the neighborhood and it was dark and super misty on the night that I saw Signs and that this movie ruined my life.

Yes ruined. I slept with the lights on for three months after I saw that movie. And - spoiler alert - I only felt really safe in the shower because I knew that the aliens would get melted. Yes, I know I'm the biggest wimp you know. Yes, I am ok with that, I came to terms with it years ago.

At one point I had scared myself so badly that I almost turned around and spent the night at Mom and Dad's but I said to myself, "Self, you are being very silly. There is not one alien that is going to try and get you. But just to be sure you should probably turn on the light to check the backseat and then lock the doors. But after that, we are going back to the apartment."

So then I'm driving on the highway and this little silver Neon pulls up next to me and it has a giant spider decal on the side of it that literally made my skin crawl.

Then I was struck by the irony of how I have mentioned freaky movies about mist (and the large and terrifying bugs that dwell within) and spiders on this blog in the last few months. But then there was a rather large bank of mist on the highway and I went back to being scared of aliens - because that totally makes sense, right?

So, up to this point, my 30 minute drive home has somehow managed to morph into the 30 minute drive home of terror. I get off the highway, turn onto the road that takes me to my apartment, and think to myself, "Self, you made it. I'm proud of us." But as I'm sure you may have guessed, the weirdness of this drive is not done.

All of a sudden there are cones all over the road and lots (and lots) of flashing lights. I slow down, like you do, totally expecting to see some hideous car wreck. But instead I am guided into the library parking lot where there were at the very least 100 police officers (and support personnel) doing DUI checks. Since I was obviously not drunk (just a little freaked out looking and tired), they gave me a little pamphlet and let me go. Although, to be fair, the terrifying tiny, barking dogs could have been the reason they didn't ask me to get out of the car. They are pretty vicious.

Pulling into the apartment parking lot, I wasn't freaked out at all. Which was fabulous because I was totally prepared to sprint to the door to avoid any would-be attacker aliens because I like to think that sprinting away from them means that they cannot take me to their spaceship or shoot me up with the poison gas that comes out of their wrists ... and now I'm going to have the sleep with the lights on.

Instead, I walked calmly and slowly because I have a really loud scream and there was an army of police officers one parking lot down from me. And aliens are totally scared of the police. Right?

1 comment:

Full of Heart said...

Isn't it amazing how whacked out and crazy our brains can be to convince ourselve of all these weird things!?