My Random Thought of the Day

Baby Socks. Have you ever tried to put them on a baby?

The thing about baby socks that I struggle with is how you have to fight to get them on the kid, but when it's time to take them off all you really have to do is look at them sternly. I do not understand.

My Friday ...

I think this pretty much sums it all up for you guys.

This past week the 4 boys that I take care of after school (who also live right next door - it's the best commute EVER) didn't have school on Thursday or Friday. Plus it was wet and rainy which meant that they couldn't go outside and run off the extra energy they had on Thursday, which ended up coming out as a COMPLETE MELTDOWN at about 2:45.

So their parents took pity on me, gave me some cash and told me to take the boys to Chuck E Cheeses in the hopes that I could have one day when I didn't go strait home and drink a six-pack of beer (you may think I'm joking, but I'm really not).

It was great. They played and did a fantastic job of listening and helping to take care of the youngest brother and I got to sit and work on my sock (it's the dark blue thing in the picture up there). I also spent some more time considering what to do now that I didn't get into my Child Life program and I think I might have it figured out. Sort of. It's a start anyway.

All and all, I think things are starting to look up around here.

Things I've Learned Thursday

I know that back in the day I said that I would try to keep this thing sort of light even if I was feeling like being a Debbie Downer ... and because of that I would like to apologize to you before you read this.

Things I've Learned Thursday #4
{wah wah wah waaaaaaaah}

1. Not getting accepted into a program you really want too is way more depressing when you realize you don't really have a back up plan.
   
2. I have no one to go to Holiday Mart with this weekend *really sad face*.
3. My dip is not french onion and comes with no chips. LAME.

I'm sorry for being a loser guys. I know I was just complaining about it the other day (see: item 3) but I got a phone call today from Children's Mercy telling me that I did not get into the practicum program (despite the fact that I spent hours on my application and getting ready for the interview) and this call made me realize that I have NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.

I think part of it is that I have no clear idea of "what I want to be when I grow up" and I think the other part is that my mother is pushing me SO HARD in the direction of grad school that I have absolutely no desire to do what she says.

I think that tomorrow I am going to lock the boys I babysit for outside (I'm just kidding - I would never lock a child anywhere, I promise) and take a little time to sit down and think about what my ideal Plan A is. Then I am going to make myself dream up a Plan B and Plan C so that the next time I get rejected I won't be able to sit around and wallow about how I don't know what to do next.

Well wishes and Plan A, B, and C ideas are welcomed and encouraged. I hope you guys had a better week than I did.

I'm in a Dip (I wish it was french onion)

"I think there’s a dip in life—a big dip, the king-daddy of all dips. If you were looking at it from a Hegelian perspective, it would be the antithesis phase, where every last bit of every idea put forth in the thesis phase got challenged. What I like to call the Sucks Ass phase. Because here you are, happy and carefree and connected, when all of a sudden—and generally, for a long, long time—things start seriously sucking out of nowhere, and everything you thought was true and possible becomes unclear and maddeningly out of reach."
- Colleen Wainwright, the Communicatrix

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately for a number of reasons.

1. My mother is convinced that the best thing (the end all, be all best thing ever) would be for me to go to grad school. To the point that she has started researching schools, application processes and emailing the information to me.
2. I envy the enthusiasm my mother has for me going to grad school. I, however, remain unconvinced.
3. Getting a job - like, a big girl job (with a 401K and benefits) - seems like it isn't going to happen for years (mainly because to get a psych job you have to have an advanced degree - see item 1 and 2).
4. That whole, "life is fine and then starts sucking out of no where" thing. Welcome to my life.

I would like to think that taking a moment to appreciate the dip I have found myself in would help me create the momentum I need to get up and out of it. However, I still feel like the 'get up and out of it is "maddeningly out of reach".

Yes I know this is part of being a young person who is struggling to find their place in the world. I just wish that I had an idea of what I want to do, to be doing, 10 years from now. And I don't. Not even close. Which may be why I keep waffling on idea of grad school. Is it a good idea? Yes. Will I end up there eventually? More than likely.

I suppose the best thing for me to do right now is wait and see what happens with Children's Mercy. I can't think of anything better to do right now.

The Past, The Future and California

I grew up in Reno. I moved to Kansas in 1996 because my parents felt the need to be closer to family (in Illinois and Ohio) but not too close so we didn't have to spend any more time with them than we wanted too.

I have always had a special place in my heart for the west. I love the dessert, the dryness (even if it also comes with tons and tons of nose bleeds. OMG.). I have so many happy memories of being little in west. I hear that the place where I lived as a kid is totally built up now and it hardly looks the same. And I know that the people who live in my old house park their broke-ass trucks on the lawn (thank you Google Street View) so I can't help but feel like the image I have in my head and the place I would be going to if I went back would be radically different.

But for some reason I still feel drawn to go back. Maybe not to Reno, but out west - California specifically. And I have to say that I can't help but think that the universe is trying to tell me something because I know more people in California than I do here (almost). BFF Hilda is there, so is my high school BFF Newspaper Bitch. And another friend (who currently doesn't have a bloggy nickname) just got a job out there.

It's a conspiracy I tell you.

It's hard knowing so many people that are spread out so far across the country. It makes me feel old, and I am far too young to feel old.

I don't really know the point of this post other than to talk about how much I wish I could move out there where two of my best friends are living (seriously, what are the odds??) and, to sound like a 16 year old, live the life I would like to be living.

Honestly though, it all depends on how my Children's Mercy thing pans out. I had my interview, it went well (the question I messed up: tell us 2 of your strengths and weaknesses. My weaknesses answer: I'm a nervous talker and I'm sort of shy. *face palm*), I will know whether or not I got in on or before October 22. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. This Child Life business sounds like it's my calling.

The "Why I Haven't been Posting" Post

I know, I haven't been posting and here I come back with the type of post that everyone hates. But I have to say that this particular post has been rolling around in my head for about 2 months.

And I hate these posts too, but I just have to get this one out so that I can use the space it's been taking up to think about other important things like knitting projects and binge drinking. You have to have priorities.

So let's get into the meat of the matter:

1. I don't work at a desk anymore
• Nannying doesn't allow much time for blogging the way that sitting at a desk all day does. However, I am working on perfecting my ability to balance a laptop, type and deal with a cranky baby all at the same time. It's a process.
2. Armini
• There are only so many "Oh, I miss him so" posts I can write before people stop reading and I become totally disgusted with myself.
• Then there's that question of what I can post about my single life because Armini gets my RSS feed (and no I have not been brave enough to just ask if he is still reading) and I don't want to post anything that might upset him because I'm nice like that.
3. My blog and my life
• I needed a moment to figure out what this blog really is and how I want it to exsist within my life. Which I figured out (sort of). It's a process.

Whew. That was heavy and it's nice to have it off of my chest. I am now at a point where I can really start working on my blog(s) with a renewed enthusiasim. Dorky? Yes. But at least I'm excited about this again.