My Summertime Manifesto

One of my good friends posted a to do list for this summer and (borrowing the name from Tara over at the Blonde Chicken) I thought I would be a copy cat and do the same thing.

{SuperCareo's}
Summertime Manifesto
- of Great Times and Awesomeness -

1. Camping with good friends
2. Having lots of adult beverages with good friends while camping
   
3. Making the 'reunion' float trip in my head go from a thought in my head to actually a thing with dates and people who are coming
4. Spending more time with my dogs at the dog park
5. Enjoying more evenings on my patio (hopefully in my hammock)
6. Working on my sewing; specifically learning how to make summer dresses (with pockets! Who doesn't love dresses with pockets!)
7. Finding joy where I am, where I am going, and the process that is the journey to where I am going
8. Dance parties - to have them and to dance until I can't move anymore

What are you going to do this summer?

OH, and before I forget: If you still haven't told me what you think I should do with my hair, you probably should. Hilda and Armini are both in favor of long-ish hair; which means that shorty-short hair only has one vote. This is serious business people - VOTE TODAY.

I need your help!

Because I have suddenly become a person who cannot make a decision on my own, I have decided (progress!) to leave my next hair style up to you my readers (regression!). SO, tell me, what do you think?

Short hair ... or ... long-ish hair?

It's been almost a year since my last hair cut (I know some of you may have gagged at that statement, I'm sorry) and I need one desperately. But I can't decide if I want to just get a trim or cut off what I have and go back to having shorty-short hair.

I won't make an appointment until someone tells me what to do. Which means that if not having a hair cut for (almost) a full calendar year makes you throw up in your mouth a little, you should probably leave a comment to end the cruel and unusually torture I have inflicted upon my hair.

Title Unkown

I have a confession to make.

Well, it's not so much a confession as it is me finally acknowledging this thing to myself. And also, to the world.

I am miserable.

It sounds dramatic, doesn't it? It's like I've been transported back in time to when I was 16 and running around saying things like "I hate my life" or "you just don't understand me" or "why doesn't that [hot boy] think I'm pretty?"

So maybe not that last one (or least not anymore, I totally know I'm pretty thankyouverymuch).

But those other two pretty much hit the mark. I'm feeling very lost, misunderstood, scared and picked on. The long and the short of it is, I hate my life as it is right now. And so I did something that most of the people I know think is a really stupid idea.

I applied, along with Armini, to teach English in South Korea.

Yes, it is a drastic change. But the most I think about it, the more I like the idea of taking a year off from my life and getting away from here so that I can clear my head and really think about what I want to do with my life.

I told my parents last night and I have to say that in some ways it went better than I thought it would, and in others it was worse. My dad took it pretty well. My mom did the total opposite of what I thought she would. Rather than totally loose it, she internalized it. Gave me a long list of things I could do here, in the country, that would me more money/get me away from Kansas/let me get started on a career.

And that ... the "c" word ... is what it really comes down too.

I haven't made it a secret that my mom has really been pushing me to go to grad school, and I think there is a lot of complicated family drama fueling it. I know that I am getting older. I know that going to grad school is going to become harder as I get older and try to start a family of my own.

And yet, despite all of this, I am still willing to push it back.

Am I avoiding it? It's possible, probable even. My motivation is 1 part getting far enough away from my parents that I can make a decision on my own, 1 part making a decision and actually following through with it, 1 part being with Amrini (lets just be honest) and 1 part I am a little sad that I didn't go to China and I want to do it now.

I don't know what's going to happen. It's possible that I am going to be one of those people who does a million different things over the course of their lifetime because I can't freaking figure out what to do with myself.

Or maybe this is just the start of me doing some epic shit. Epicly.

(thanks Jamie)

Spider Epiphanies

One of the worst things about living alone is the living alone part.

Which, duh SuperCareo, didn't you know that before you decided to move out?

But it's not so much that as that one time I lived with a boy and he was around to do the icky stuff like plunge the toilet or kill the crazy big spiders I find in my dresser - which happened the other night, BTW. Which is what brought this whole thing on.

So I opened my dresser drawer and there is a spider looking up at me - clearly ready to jump up and eat me if given the chance. So what do I do? I text my friend Ashley in call caps stating that I NEED A BOY!!!!!!! (and yes, there were that many exclamation points involved).

But the good news is that I did kill the spider with minimal squealing and I was not eaten (thank the lord). But the moment made me pause and think about my independence and being a woman hear me roar and blah, blah, blah. Did wanting a boy (Armini specifically) to kill the spider make me less of a woman? Have I somehow lost that bit of myself (without realizing it) that makes me brave enough to kill the spider?

I know ... killing a spider with a shoe isn't usually a moment for epiphanies.

But, all things considered, I think it's ok. It's not the first time I have wanted made boys to kill bugs for me. All I think it means is that living back here (I am living in the same complex where Armini and I lived before he left for China) makes me miss him and in that moment I just missed him more than normal.

GAH. He hasn't decided if he's coming home to stay when the school year ends, so please keep your fingers crossed for me. I am so tired of this game. Also, I am tired of killing my own bugs.

I'm Back ...

And I'm sorry for not posting before now. I've been back in the states for about a month now and I haven't written one post about anything that happened during my month in China (and yes, I spent it with Armini. And yes, it was everything I had hoped it would be), or the fact that I've moved (kind of - it's day 4 and I still haven't spent the night there) or the fact that I think I may have to go into rehab because of my new found addiction to M&M's.

Also, I'm not kidding about the M&M's thing. I literally begged my brother to bring me some last night because I hadn't had any in about 3 days and was on the verge of losing it.

So anyway ... I went to Southeast Asia! It was great. Plus I got to see this guy:

We think he may have a career as a bike cop.

We went to 3 countries - China, Laos and Thailand. Laos was my favorite. The food was fabulous, so fabulous in fact that I ate pretty much all the time and so much that I made myself

sick on more than one occasion (because I am a 5 year old who has no self control what-so-ever). Plus it's where I turned 25 (UGH) and we got to go tubing in Vang Vieng (hooray!).

Since I've been back I've started working all the time because the trip completely cleaned me out, something I wasn't as prepared for as I thought I was. Also, adjusting to this stupid-cold-winter-weather-that-never-ends has been hard. Kiss my little bity tan goodbye!

I promise that I have more posts lined up (I've already started a few of them!), I just wanted to get this out there just in case anyone was wondering if I died.

How To Survive In Life

It's that time again ... time to brave crowds at the mall make out those lists for Santa think about what we would like to do a little differently in our lives in the coming year. And to get excited to open some presents (let's just be honest with each other).

Ok - so maybe most people start thinking about resolutions and all that after the 25th. What can I say? I like to get a jump start on these things. Plus it's not like changing the way I do things hasn't been on my mind lately or anything (ha).

But as I was sitting around thinking about how totally, rock your face off awesome 2010 is going to be I was struck with a thought. A thought that made me think of this one post I wrote at the start of 2009 called Sometimes I Wonder How I Survive In Life. It's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately.

ANYWAY. So I was thinking about making a list for myself of Ways TO Survive in Life.

2009 was a big year for me in terms of things I learned about life and about myself and I think it would make a nice addition to my usual set of 10 (or so) resolutions for the year. And then I thought that it would be enlightening to see what the blogging community would have to add to such a list.

So I'm turning it over to you guys. I want to hear about how YOU are going to survive in the coming year. Tweet it! Collect ideas from your friends! I will post everything I get on January 6th, two days before I leave for China. And yes, you can send me as many ideas as you would like.

I'll go first ...

1. Sometimes you just have to make the decision and deal with the fall out after the fact (especially if it's something you know you really want).
2. Dealing with bad situations with grace is harder than you might think.
3. Sometimes the second (or 3rd ... or 16th) cookie/piece of cake/chocolate frosted doughnut with rainbow sprinkles is necessary in order to avoid a mental breakdown.
4. A good friend is more valuable than anything else in the world.
   

Growing Up Might Not be that Bad After All

Something happened to me yesterday morning ... the thing is that I'm not sure exactly what exactly it is that happened.

Confused yet? Welcome to the party. I've only had to delete and re-start this post about 4 times already.

I have spent a lot of the last year complaining about growing up and finding a direction for my life and all the other usual 20-something type gripping I've been hearing from all of my real life 20-something friends. But I woke up this morning and just felt ... weird. Different.

But weird and different in a good way.

Like, I didn't want to hit the snooze button so many times that I would have to skip my shower and breakfast in order to make it to work on time. Like, I laid in bed and visualized myself in my own apartment (for the record: I have never used visualization as a motivational technique) and it made me excited to get out of bed. Like, I was right on it and had about 2 things checked off my To-Do List for the day before I was even out of the door.

Different like I am actually ready to grow up.

I know, right? I was beginning to think it would never happen. I have no idea what triggered it, however, because my life hasn't been very grown-up lately. But I can't help but feel that it has something to do with the nearness of my nightmare inducing 25th birthday. I think it's acting like the pop timer you find in turkeys, it lets you know when it's time to take it out of the oven.

Sorry about that. I couldn't help myself.

Have any of you had a pop-up timer moment yet (really, I'm sorry. I'll stop.)?