A{n odorless} Funk.

Lately I have found myself in a bit of a funk. I have about 4 blog posts started, waiting their turn to be finished. I have had to ask for a lot of help from my parents (the last people that I want to ask for help right now. I find that it sort of takes away from that whole "grown up" feeling I've been trying to cultivate). I have been fighting with my apartment complex for the last month to get them to take responsibility for flooding my apartment and paying for damages (that is one of the posts waiting to get written, BTW).

And each little thing takes a bit of wind out of my sails. Until I'm left floating, feeling alone (even though I'm not), and very unsure about what to do next.

Last night was the worst. I was really upset for no reason at all (oh the joys of being a girl) and then I watched Homeward Bound, which was a bad idea all around because it just made me cry more, and then I wallowed. Oh, there was wallowing and wailing.

Ok, actually, there was not a lot of wallowing or wailing, I just wanted to say them in the same sentence. It's fun.

But I was sad. And so I gave myself 5 minutes to be sad. And then I sat down and made some lists. Because lists are totally awesome.

I wrote down 10 reasons I suck at life. Then I re-read them and was sad. But then I said to myself, "Self, this is silly. You do not suck at life." So then I made a list of 10 reasons why my 10 reasons I suck at life are untrue or completely absurd. And then I re-read that and I laughed a little because really, some of my I suck at life things really were totally crazy pants.

And then, as an exercise in being nice to myself, I wrote down a list of 10 reasons why I am awesome sauce. And that one was a little harder. I think it's mostly because I have always used my ability to put myself down and make fun of myself as a defense mechanism (oh middle school ... you sucked. Alot.) and so saying nice things about myself is ... not normal. But I really did feel better about everything.

The Moral of the Story: Sometimes you just have to get out your crazy so that you can move on with your life in a sane(er-ish) manner than you could have if you just kept the crazy locked up inside you. Just ... don't let anyone read your journal. Then you probably won't have any friends.

How To Survive In Life

It's that time again ... time to brave crowds at the mall make out those lists for Santa think about what we would like to do a little differently in our lives in the coming year. And to get excited to open some presents (let's just be honest with each other).

Ok - so maybe most people start thinking about resolutions and all that after the 25th. What can I say? I like to get a jump start on these things. Plus it's not like changing the way I do things hasn't been on my mind lately or anything (ha).

But as I was sitting around thinking about how totally, rock your face off awesome 2010 is going to be I was struck with a thought. A thought that made me think of this one post I wrote at the start of 2009 called Sometimes I Wonder How I Survive In Life. It's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately.

ANYWAY. So I was thinking about making a list for myself of Ways TO Survive in Life.

2009 was a big year for me in terms of things I learned about life and about myself and I think it would make a nice addition to my usual set of 10 (or so) resolutions for the year. And then I thought that it would be enlightening to see what the blogging community would have to add to such a list.

So I'm turning it over to you guys. I want to hear about how YOU are going to survive in the coming year. Tweet it! Collect ideas from your friends! I will post everything I get on January 6th, two days before I leave for China. And yes, you can send me as many ideas as you would like.

I'll go first ...

1. Sometimes you just have to make the decision and deal with the fall out after the fact (especially if it's something you know you really want).
2. Dealing with bad situations with grace is harder than you might think.
3. Sometimes the second (or 3rd ... or 16th) cookie/piece of cake/chocolate frosted doughnut with rainbow sprinkles is necessary in order to avoid a mental breakdown.
4. A good friend is more valuable than anything else in the world.
   

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

Today I would like to do what everyone else is doing and send a giant, huge THANK YOU to everyone currently in uniform and anyone who has ever worn one.

And I would like to challenge everyone else to make everyday Veteran's Day. My mother, whenever we are somewhere and she spots someone in uniform or an older person with a hat, she will go out of her way to go over to them and thank them for serving.

I used to think it was embarrassing but then one day I was out with some friends for lunch and right in front of me was a gentleman in uniform. On a whim I tapped him on the shoulder and thanked him for serving.

The look in his eyes is something that will never, ever forget. It was clear that he really appreciated being thanked. He grinned at me and thanked me and shook my hand.

My challenge to you, and myself, is to start thanking all the veterans you meet. Just because it's not November 11th doesn't mean that they don't deserve to be appreciated.

Take your Mom to Work Day

Today I took my mom with me to work. Yes, you read that right.

It worked out because I nanny and my mom has this thing about snuggling little babies and I really like to sit and let her do all the work hang out with my mom and little babies at the same time. The schedule for the day looked something like this:

• Snuggle time.
• Sitting and rocking on the porch swing.
• Make the baby smile, practice our coo-ing and giggling.
• Snuggle time.
• Watch Jurassic Park and snuggle.
• Nap for 45 minutes.
• Snuggle time.
• SuperCareo knitting time/SuperMama uses some mom-type magic to make the screaming baby fall back asleep.
• Shopping time (even though Mom didn't get me anything ... what a rip-off).

All in all, a good day indeed. I particularly liked the part when the screaming baby was being dealt with my someone other than myself. Plus I got some knitting done on my sweater which only has the one sleeve left until I seam it all together and then knit the collar.

Yes, I knit. I'll own it. Even if Hilda insists that I also need to acquire 20 cats and grow some gray hairs to go with it. Knitting isn't lame people. Just go click that link and then tell me that I'm knitting things that you would hide in your closet. I AM NOT A GRANDMA.

Ahem. Sorry about that. I just needed to get that out there.

Cautiously Optimistic

Yesterday was rough. I found out that a baby named Stellan had surgery on his little heart (you can read about the whole thing here), that the husband of one of my favorite knitting bloggers passed away, and I found out when I am leaving for Aunt Beach's funeral. I couldn't keep it together at work so I went home and spent time doing work around the house, baking and generally not thinking depressing thoughts.

This morning, however, I made a decision. I have decided that I will not get overwhelmed by all the bad juju that's floating around right now. I know that this too shall pass and that I am just going to have keep swimming until things start to look up again. And I'm not the only one it seems ... S over at a.little.bit.delirious feels the same way. Brooke knows what's up. And RS27 is always hilarious and never, ever depressing.

As I was getting my stuff together yesterday afternoon, I went and told some co-workers that I was leaving and one of them said, "This has been a rough year for you, hasn't it?". And it has been a rough year but also not such a rough year. I know that my year could have been much worse, I'm sure that I will have years that are worse in the future. But it made me think of all the things that are bad that are going to happen this year:

1. Armini is going to China in T - 3.5 months
2. My 102 year old grandfather is in the hospital with fluid in his lungs and it doesn't look like he will be coming home anytime soon (however, we have been doing the "this is the last [insert holiday here] that we will have with Papa" dance for only about 6 years now so ... there's always a chance he could make it to 103)
3. I am going to have to move in August
4. I have no idea where I am going to move to ... maybe home (weep)?

But there are also a lot of good things that are going to happen too:

1. I'm officially registered for the half marathon in San Francisco
2. My bib number for said marathon is one up from Hilda's (who is also running in the marathon)
3. I am going to be in the best shape in my life come July 26th
4. I am going to go on a bunch of trips this year (concerts with Armini, family reunions, San Francisco to visit Hilda, maybe Las Vegas this winter)
5. I get to get a new car in January (which is technically next year but it happens to be something I am really looking forward too, so I am listing it here)

See? Just right off the top of my head my good things list is longer than my bad things list. AND the good things list has a whole bunch of other things on it that are just lumped into larger categories.

The point of all of this is to announce to [you, myself, the internet] that I have decided to be cautiously optimistic. I will be ready to accept the blows, the bad things, the sad things but I am not going to allow myself to be ruled by the fear that something bad is waiting to jump out from around a corner. And so, I promise you readers that there will be more happy things on this blog than sad. I am going to do my part to clear the air of some of that nasty juju.

The Ebb and Flow

And just like that life comes full circle again.

This weekend my Aunt Beach (name changed for the privacy of my family) passed away. While I would love to tell you all the details, it's not really my story to tell and on the off chance that someone who knows my family finds this post, I don't want them to get all "why would you put that out on the internet for strangers to see??". So please forgive me for being uber-vague about the situation.

Aunt Beach and myself enjoying the open bar at my cousin's wedding last summer. Yes, I am wasted in this picture, thanks for asking.

She was a lovely and super creative lady. I am so very sorry that I didn't take the time to get to know her better or to send her a card or ask her to teach me how to be as awesome an artist as she was. Just the last time we were at her house I realized that we both really like to decorate our houses in a 1950's-esc style and we had roamed around her house admiring her flea market art finds and I gushed about how I loved everything.

It makes me sad that I now have to use the past tense when I talk about my Aunt Beach. She is the first family member that I have known well that I will have to bury. Well, I won't have to bury her, but I'm going to be there when it happens ... you know what I mean. For Pete's sakes, I still have all of my grandparents! It boggles the mind. And while I know that I will never be able to give my Aunt Beach another hug, or hang out with her at the reunions, I still can't wrap my mind around the whole thing. I have never had to deal with death so close and it is confusing and scary and sad that I have to learn with my Aunt who should have been around for a lot longer.

There is a lot of bad in the world these days. This economy and all the doom and gloom from Washington about how "it's going to get worse before it gets better" isn't helping. Not only should you be holding your children close, but now is the time to reach out to your family. Tell them that you love them and then start planning the reunion. Seriously. If there was ever a time to start spending time with the people that you love, now is that time. We need to spread a little love to make all the bad juju in the air not quite so bad.