It's Been One Year!

I love me some anniversaries. So much so (apparently) that I am not only having one here, but also at the other place that I blog sometimes (it's called Master of my Money) when I want to cry over how much money I don't have in my bank account talk about things that are much less interesting than the time that I broke up with Mexican Food or how I hate politics so much that I would be willing to move to a deserted island with a monkey butler to get away from it all (but seriously, who wouldn't want to move to a deserted desert island with a monkey butler?).

Anyway. Today marks the one year mark of this little internet hideaway. One year since I started to write about my life somewhere other than Live Journal (and no, I am not going to link to it. Much too much angst for anyone to handle that is over the age of 15).

If you are at all like me and have a thing for first posts, you can click right here and read it. I AM going to warn you however ... it's a little TMI. I even read it and thought to myself "Really? This is a lame first post. Maybe I should just link to this one instead. It's way more awesomer ... sort of". But I know you that you are probably smart enough that you would figure out that I lied and then I would be known as 'Super Careo: The Super Liar' and no one wants that.

Um ... well, yea. That's about it.

I would write some glorious post about how this blog has changed my life but I can't help but feel like the last month or two of posts have been really depressing. Or really long and involved and I would really like to try and lighten up the mood around here.

So instead, I'll just say this: If you have read this far down, Thank You for being a reader of my words (bonus points for clicking on links). I live for your blog comments. I live to read what you write. And I hope that someday we can be BFFs in real life.

Here's to another great year. Hopefully.

Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment, A Real Moment and a Ghost

If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I like to have Moments (with the capital M!). In fact, I have so many that I have a blog tag for them. I like to think it's because I am a deep thinker rather than the fact that I have so many due to the fact that I am a silly girl who is not yet well versed in the way of the world and the way that I interact with that world. Right? Well, something like that. I think. It made sense in my head, anyway.

Moving on.

This weekend I did not have a Moment. I had a Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment. Why would I call it a Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment? Well that is actually quite simple: I realized something that I have realized on many, many, many (times infinity) times before this last time that I realized it. Which sounds repetitive because this thing that I realized (again, for the eleventy billion-th time) is something that is a reoccurring theme in my life. You could even go so far as to say that it haunts me. It follows me around like some Sad Little Ghost that doesn't know what to with itself. If only the solution would be to hold a seance and tell it that it's ok to leave me alone now. Unfortunately, the solution is not simple (or even close to being that simple) or else I would have gotten rid of my Sad Little Ghost a loooong time ago.

Want to know what makes my Sad Little Ghost sad? I'm a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate. Always have been. Armini can attest to this.

{This is where I would normally start going on and on about how I don't mean to be a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate, but I'm TOO LAZY to stand up for myself. Plus, they are all excuses and this is about getting past the excuses to the root of the problem. Right? Right. Let's continue.}

My Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment (which, as a result of writing this very post may have turned into an actual Moment), is when I realized that the messiness of my living space is having a direct effect on the level of Teh Craziness that I am feeling in my life outside of my bed/apartment. It probably is also having a direct effect on how hard I find it to get out of bed in the morning (because I don't think that there are many people who are itching to jump out of bed in the morning when their life feels like it's spiraling out of control). But, like I said, this is not even remotely (not even a little bit) close to being the first time that this thought has crossed my mind.

It's also not the first time I have sat down and thought to myself, "What can I do to be a pro-active, organized, gem of a person/roommate short of moving home and having SuperMama yell (in a tough-love sort of way, of course) at me every day for being a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate?"

However, this is the first time that I have sat down and looked my Sad Little Ghost right in the face because, until I started writing this post (and not even until the second draft!) I didn't know that I was being followed around by a Sad Little Ghost. Well, I mean, I knew there was something, but I didn't know what it was until about 20 minutes ago.

{This Moment brought to you by Havi the Pirate Queen (@Havi on Twitter, if you're into that sort of thing) because she is awesome - and also, she has monsters and walls and encourages others to find their own versions of their stuck. /PSA}

So now I am in the process of working out a way to lay my Sad Little Ghost to rest, aka Step Two in my Brilliant Plan to rid myself of Teh Craziness (Step One is here). Which was the whole reason that I started writing this post, but now, because I have a Sad Little Ghost that I need to talk too, has been rendered useless. One cannot go about dealing with ghosts unless one first holds the seance to find out what they want or need in order to leave you alone.

GiST 14/365

1. Chicken to eat

2. Internet to surf

3. Boyfriends to annoy

4. Dogs to snuggle

5. Knowing in your heart of hearts that everything really, really, really is going to end well


Visit Grace in Small Things

(and just so you know, I haven't died or locked myself in my bedroom {even though sometimes I think doing that would fix a lot of things}, there are posts coming ... promise!)

I'm Trying So Hard ...

These past few months have been really hard for me. And overall, I think that I have handled them as well as anyone could be expected too.

But as a direct result of all the craziness, I feel like I have more or less lost control of my life.

I know that this will pass and I'm not sitting around wallowing in self pity (which is good because I know that I could, very easily, do just that). I am trying to be pro-active about regaining that sense of control. But how, exactly, does one get control of life when really (when you think about it) no one can ever control life. Or other people. Or anything (really).

And when I think about it, being able to control any of that stuff would be an awesome (and not in the "totally cool" way either; more in the awe inspiring way) responsibility that I do not want.

I don't want everything to go my way all the time. In fact, I think that would be pretty boring. You know ... I want to be surprised.

I also happen to know, for a fact, that there are several times in my life where, had things gone the way I had planned them to go, I would have missed out on some of the best things in my life currently:

• If I had gotten my first choice in dorms my freshman year, I wouldn't have met JS who lived next door. We probably wouldn't have lived together the next year at Sigma Kappa and if that hadn't happened, I would have never met Armini.
• If the Lawrence Humane society had updated their Pet Finder page regularly, I never would have called to see about the standard poodle and I would have never met Tim.
• If Armini and I never fought (and really, don't all girls imagine having a relationship where they never yell at their significant other?) then I wouldn't have met Bing either.
  

I know that there are other wonder and delightful things in my life that came from things that went wrong, but I can't think of anymore.

But the point is this: Good comes from bad. Every winter everything dies and then every spring it all comes back to life. It's a circle right?

(Sometimes the best way to express yourself is through cartoon movie references, you know?)

Anyway. I'm sure that everyone feels like this at one point or another. I actually had a conversation with one of my co-workers this morning about how she feels like her life has been a little off kilter ever since her son was born (and it's not because she had a baby - just all the craziness that life has thrown at her and her family since then). It's conversations like that one that give me the courage to step up and try to get a foot hold in my life, even if it is speeding down the track completely out of control (something akin to this, only minus the flying off the track in a fireball at the end).

(I hope)

So, what do you have now that you wouldn't have had if everything had gone according to plan?

GiST 13/365

1. Knowing that no one will judge me for only being on my 13th GiST when I've been doing it for about 3 months.

2. Having conversations with Armini that are deep (even if they end in tears)

3. Soft pillows

4. Snugly puppies

5. New car (soon)


Visit Grace in Small Things

Dear John ... I mean, Mexican Food

Dear Mexican food,

I have been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. I mean, you have to admit our relationship has been a little rocky the last few months. I thought we were getting along great. I was trying to branch out and try new things, you know, get to know you a little better.

But now this? I thought we were friends. I thought that our relationship might be going places . Come on, half of your food is served smothered in cheese and I LOVE cheese. I just don't understand why you had to start being so mean.

So, I guess what I'm really trying to say Mexican food is that I think it's time for us to go our separate ways. Clearly you don't seem to like me much anymore so ... I think it's time that we both go find people that we enjoy spending more time with. Although I'll be honest, I'm going to miss your cheesy delightfulness.

Yours,
SuperCareo

This is a pretty Lame Post

(I use a lot of quotation marks in this post and I'm sorry but I felt it was necessary. Just imagine Dr. Evil doing it and then it will be less annoying than it would have been otherwise. At least, I thought it was funny. But that could be because I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and have only had one cup of coffee so far this morning. Now to the post!)

This weekend I discovered something about myself. I like refer to it as the "lameness quotient". This is how it works:

• Every year you get older you get a little more "lameness" added to your "lameness quotient"
• The "lameness" makes you tired, antisocial, and (obviously) lame.
  
• The "lameness" continues to build until you're 80 and then all you do is sit around on your front porch yelling at the neighbor kids to get off your lawn.

Why do I bring this up? Well, the last few weeks I feel like my "lameness quotient" has skyrocketed. How do I know that it has increased? For starters I can't remember what I did on Friday night, which means that it had to have been a super lame night.

(Oh, I just remembered what we did and it was not a super lame night, actually. I guess that "lameness quotient" increases at a direct rate with "forgetfulness". BOO.)

Saturday night Armini and I went to see The Killers, one of my favorite bands in life. We were both dragging ass on the way there, perked up for the concert thanks to the beer we drank, and then dragged our sorry butts to the bar next to our apartment in an attempt to re-create the social life that we had before we made the terrible decision to graduate.

And do you know what we talked about? We talked about why we were so tired and about death and other equally depressing things. Hello ... LAME!

Plus, we went by ourselves which is an indicator of how many friends we have in the area. I don't know if I would count that as a "lameness quotient" indicator really however, because Arimini works nights and I work days which makes it hard for me to hang out with the friends that he has made at work; and while I love the people that I work with most of the them have kids and spouses and other lame things that they feel like they have to go home and take care of instead of coming out and getting wasted with me on Thursdays.

Sunday, we slept until noon. Got out of bed long enough to go to the dog park for a bit, had some dinner with his folks and then laid around the apartment talking about how we were both SO TIRED and then we watched Changling. Another indicator of an increase in my "lameness quotient" is that I can't watch movies where they hurt little kids without bawling uncontrollably for about 30 minutes after the fact.

I don't know that I am ready to deal with this level of "lameness" at this point in my life (for Pete's sake, I'm not even 25!!). I have to find a way to combat my steadily increasing "lameness quotient", and fast. If I have one more conversation with Armini about how we are SO TIRED (for reals, we had no fewer than 12 conversations this weekend about how we were tired), I am going to find a bridge and throw myself off of it. At least then I won't be sleepy anymore, right?

Anyway, I want some suggestions. How would you try to lower your "lameness quotient" after a weekend like this? As incentive for giving me suggestions, I will write one post a week (with pictures!) of me doing whatever you suggest - within reason. I'm not going out and getting a job a strip club, people. This is a PG-13 blog.