Geez.

There are times in my life where I feel like my whole world is going like 60 million miles an hour faster than I want it to, and I feel powerless over where it's going or how fast it's going to get there. I have a number of things going on in my life right now and I am feeling quite overwhelmed by it all.

1. Boyfriend wants us to move in together.
This is not really a problem at all really, except that I had a tiny freak out about it after I got up the nerve to tell my parents the other night. And when I say "tiny freak out" what I really mean is that it finally hit me what I was saying and what it meant and all of the potential problems that could come of it. And when I tried to express my concerns and worries and fear to him over the phone last night, he got mad at me, which is not the reaction I was hoping for. Now I have made the whole thing just that much more complicated ... and I have no idea what is going to happen.

2. My parents are not really all that ok with me moving in with Boyfriend.
And now they are offering me a room in the basement that would end up being like a tiny apartment. It sounds totally awesome ... but I want to talk to Boyfriend before I do anything at all anywhere, be it in my parent's house or with him.

3. I JUST got really and truly settled in and organized in my current bedroom.
And now I'm thinking about moving again. The whole thing just gives me a headache.

4. Still no word on a raise coming my way in the foreseeable near future.
Which is a problem because I need more money if I have any hope of ever being financially independent and debt free.

AH! I have no idea what's going to happen and I really don't want Boyfriend to think that I don't want to move in with him ... I just have some worries that need to be soothed before any boxes start to get packed or leases signed.

Job Interview ...

Well, Boyfriend has a big job interview today in Florida. He flew down there yesterday and he comes back tomorrow. The whole thing makes me feel funny. I'm scared and excited all at the same time.

I'm scared because if he moves away and I don't move down there with him right away, which is probably what will end up happening, what will happen to us? And while I would like to think that he has changed I'm afraid of having a repeat of what happened in Texas. I'm scared of him meeting someone.

I'm excited because he's going out into the world and trying to get a good job in a new place, something that I hope I can do in the next few years. I'm excited because if he gets it he'll live in a neat place and I will get to go visit him every few months.

It's an odd emotional mix and I'm having trouble figuring out exactly how I feel about the whole thing. I don't want him to not get the job because I was thinking negative thoughts or because I prayed that he wouldn't (I haven't done any of these things) and so I keep just hoping that what's supposed to happen will happen and I hope that what I want to happen happens. So, you might ask, what do I want to have happen? I want him to do what's right for him, but I want us to stay together and be happy.

Fingers crossed.