The Flip Side

Korea is a Silly Place Episode 2: You Want What Now?

2011-10-21T10:49:00.000+11:00

This is an actual conversation that I had with my co-teacher the morning I ended up going to the doctor about the stabby hurty:

Caroline: "Hey, are you doing anything this afternoon?"
Mrs. Kim: "I have a meeting after our last class, why?"
C: "I have a pain and I want to go to the hospital." (For those of you who don't live in Korea, they go to the hospital for everything. It's like when we go to the walk in clinic at the doctor's office.)
K: "You have a pain? Where is it?"
C: "It's here. It hurts when I move certain ways and when I cough or sneeze and I want to make sure it's not my appendix."
K: "Your what?"
C: "It's a thing on your intestines. Anyway, I want to go to the hospital."
K: "Ok, do you have an appointment?"
C: "Uh ... no. I don't speak Korean." (She knows this.)
K: "Well, which hospital do you want to go to?"
C: "I don't know. I was hoping you could help me with that."
K: "Do you want to see my husband?" (Her husband is a surgeon.)
C: "No, I just want to talk to a doctor to make sure that I am ok."
K: "So ..." She looks confused. "You want to go to the hospital but you have no appointment?"

Pause while I think about how to rephrase my request for her to help me go to the hospital.

C: "I know an English speaking doctor. I will just go to him."
K: "Yes, I think that would be best."

END SCENE.

Love/Hate/Overworked/Look what I got!

2011-10-12T14:25:00.000+11:00

There are days when I am absolutely, madly in love with Korea. Days when it can do no wrong. The weather is perfect, my kids are happy, my co-workers make me laugh.

There are days when I am not so in love. Days when I would give anything to be able to walk into a store and buy come frosting in a can. Or maybe some vanilla extract. Or some black beans. Or green beans. Good beer. Pork chops. Or being able to find nice specialty shops, like {nice} yarn shops. OH THE YARN SHOPS.

This week I have been overloaded with work from a special project I have volunteered to help out with. I didn't realize that it would be this much work when I signed up. I have been feeling slightly under valued while being horribly overworked. I'm pretty sure that I have already worked over 40 hours this week - normal working hours plus all the extra time I'm putting into this other project - and it's only Wednesday.

I asked the other people who are involved to help me out - that I am on the verge of being burnt out. I'm sure they will come through. They are good people. This is a good project. I'm jazzed to be a part of it; I'm just hating the amount of work that I have had to do in one week.

The work has made me horribly cranky. I have no patience for some people ... some students too. I feel angry and sad and tired and empty all at the same time. But I know that this week will never repeat itself (I am going to make damn sure of that). This is a one time push and then it's easy street for the rest of the project.

I will show you what I've been working on, I promise. I am too impressed with myself to not show you. But that is a post for another day because I'm still not done working on it.

On a happier note, I got a fish! She is a betta. Her name is Star Shine. She lives in a big jar. She likes to stare at me when I eat breakfast. Long story short: she totally rocks.

Ouchy Stabby

2011-10-05T16:44:00.002+11:00

Last week I had a bit of a health scare.

The short version of it is that I coughed one day and it hurt. Really hurt. Like, stabby pain in the area where my appendix likes to hang out. When the pain didn't go away after a few days I took myself to the only English speaking doctor I know of in Gwangju (he's in the university backgate area - email me if you need the info) to see if I ~~was going to die from a ruptured appendix~~ needed to worry. I ended up getting a sonogram of my entire torso and the happy news that my appendix was totally not trying to kill me.

As of now I still don't have an official diagnosis of the stabby pain. But Ryan (being the sporty guy he is) had me do some stretches and we are both pretty sure that I just pulled a muscle.

Fact: When you are an expat in Korea you will drink. You will drink like you have never drunk (drank?) ~~before~~ since university.

Fact: Drinking like you are still at university won't do much for your girlish figure.

Bonus fact: You will also start calling college university because no one from outside the US will know what you are talking about if you don't.

I decided that I didn't like the direction my waist was going (out and over the top of my pants) so a couple of weeks ago I decided that I would join a bootcamp. I'm pretty sure that the super intense ab workouts we did were the cause of my stabby pain.

The best part of all of this? The doctor declared that my liver function is normal. Which I wasn't worried about but is always reassuring to hear from a medical professional. Especially when you live in Korea.

AND I now have a foot long print out of crappy sonogram pictures of my insides! I'm thinking I might frame them - but I'm open to suggestions.

I am in South Korea?!

2011-09-30T12:47:00.002+10:00

I like that there are some websites that feel the need to let me know where I am located in the world while I am viewing their website. At least now I know why no one is speaking English around me anymore.

The Day After

2011-09-26T10:11:00.000+10:00

Wake up.

Take asprin.

Consider getting in the shower. Decide that going back to bed is the better idea.

Wake up later.

Remember last night.

Get in the shower.

Think about last night.

Worry about that one thing.

Make coffee.

Think about it some more.

Become convinced your friends hate you.

Freak out quitely.

Continue to think about last night.

Berate yourself for being stupid.

Continue to think about last night.

Berate yourself for drinking more than you should have.

Try to convince yourself you had a good time in an effort to make yourself stop freaking out.

Freak out more, less quitely.

Swear to never drink again.

Ignore friends who tell you it was FINE stop WORRYING (because they are your friends and clearly biased to you and your crazy behavior).

Think about that one thing some more.

Continue freaking out.

Write vaguely worded blog post about last night.

Worry about not having friends anymore.

Realize that you are being ridiculous.

Feel better.

Move on.

Belated thoughts on ten years of 9/11

2011-09-14T17:23:00.003+10:00

This is my second year being out of the country for 9/11 and to be honest, the only reason I spent any time thinking about it this year was because of the fact that it happened (now, over a) decade ago. Which, holy cow, ten years?

Ten years ago I was running around as a junior, dealing with all that nonsense that high school throws on everyone that passes through those doors. I had a driver's license but no car. I was on the swim team. I was dating a guy I don't date anymore. I'm pretty sure that I had a solid D in physics and was thrilled about it.

That morning Tanner walked into my first hour and said that a plane had crashed into a building in New York, which my teacher brushed off as a joke because Tanner was late to class (again) and was known for saying things that were only based loosely on facts. By my third class I was being told that the White House was on fire, a plane had also been crashed into the Pentagon and that we were being invaded. After third period everyone in the school was glued the news, only tearing ourselves away to go to our next class or to run to the bathroom.

Ten years later, I have grown up. I pay my own bills. I have to feed myself and do my own laundry. I moved so far away from my parents that I live half a day ahead of them. I date a different boy. I have dogs that are all mine instead of family pets. I have had office jobs and quarter life crises and broken hearts and hangovers. Flying on airplanes turned into a test of patience and a game of wills. Suddenly people were scared of other people for no reason. There have been times of love and unity and times of people pointing at each other screaming lies because they are scared of something they can't see. Osama Bin Laden was killed.

That is a lot of stuff.

Ten years later, I found myself in Fukuoka, Japan. Half a world away from those white high school hallways, drinking cocktails out of cans with new friends. We held our drinks in the air, said a short prayer of goodwill to sky, tapped our cans together, took good long swigs to be sure that our good vibes would travel far out into the night. We told each other about where we were when we learned about the history that was unfolding that day.

Ten years from now I can only hope that I find myself in another place with cocktails and friends. Maybe our memories will be a bit more fuzzy. Maybe there will be kids running around screaming, making it hard to have a conversation. Maybe we will also get to talk about when the war ended. Hopefully we won't have another infamous date to talk about as well. Where ever that place is, I hope it's full of the good feelings and love that we tried to articulate in that toast.

A Brief Hitory of May (Part 1)

2011-05-24T23:30:00.011+10:00

Well, the most important thing to mention is that it is finally starting to get warm here. FINALLY. I walked home from knit night tonight with bare legs and was totally comfortable and not even a little cold. That's pretty remarkable for me since I have somehow turned into that person who is always cold.

Pretty, pretty Spring flowers.

Next most important thing to mention is that Ryan's little sister came to visit us along with her wonderful friend.

Ms. T is going to not like me much for putting that Dunkin' Doughnuts picture up but really, how could I not? It would be a crime, I tell you. Too cute.

We did all sorts of crazy stuff with them ...

We went to Jinju to see Korean bullfights.

Which, just in case you are wondering, is an extremely humane sport. I was expecting the worst since Koreans are pretty well known for how poorly they treat animals. I once was at a festival petting zoo where there were two rabbits, a skunk having a panic attack, a tortoise and the saddest monkey in the world all in the same cage. It was heartbreaking. I have have teared up a bit and run away.

Anyway, this is how it works: they bring two bulls into the ring and put them face to face. If it looks like one of the bulls is just going to run away, they call the fight and move onto the next match. When the bulls do fight, they just sort of rub their heads together until one of them gets tired and turns tail. The most exciting match we saw was the first one and those two bulls kept taking breaks to give each other kisses. Not to mention these bulls are some of the healthiest looks animals I've seen in Korea. True story.

But enough about Korean bullfights.

Green tea fields. Purdy!

We also took them to the green tea festival in Boesong. If you are ever in Korea and want to go to a festival, I would tell you to come to this one. It was the most un-Korean festival we've gone too since we got here and therefore was the best. Because I am a lazy blogger and Ryan does all the heavy lifting when it comes to blogs you can check out his post here.

We also spent some time on an Island called Namhea-do (I think. But that's probably wrong. I can never remember the name of this place. Hopefully Ryan will blog about it soon so that you can have accurate information) that was caked in fog the entire time we were there. But even covered in fog the island was beautiful.

Roman candles

In Korea beach = fireworks at night. So we did as the Koreans do. In fog of course.

Sparklers

On this island there is a German village, populated by German speaking Koreans, and an American village, populated by Koreans who lived in America and then moved back to Korea to live in stucco houses next to the ocean and make tons of money by having home stays.

And who also happen to be Redskins fans.

We saw some beautiful rice terraces.

In fog.

And drove up the steepest driveway ever ever EVER to see a really interesting monastery all decorated for Buddha's birthday.

Nice view, right?

By the end of our time on the island we were all starting to wonder if the rest of the world was covered in fog. Good news though, the world is not covered in fog. Hooray!

Part 2 is coming soon. Keep your eyes peeled.

Anatomy of a Night In

2011-05-04T01:16:00.001+10:00

My nasty cold has turned into a truly nasty cough which kept me in tonight despite the fact that my boyfriend and my friends are downtown at this moment drinking St. Patty's Day beers and enjoying their evening. But I stayed home because I wasn't really in the drinking mood and also because my pharmacist friend from university has told us many times about how taking cold medicine after a night of drinking is like dropping a bomb on your liver.

Not like I'm doing my liver any favors with the amount I'm drinking these days anyway, but I choose to ignore that fact.

Back to the point. I spent my evening:

Wasting time on the internet. Also, my new internet obsession is Pintrest. You can find me here. This website is pretty much the coolest (and prettiest) website ever.

Boiling water for my Theraflu and letting the kettle whistle just a little more than normal as a thank you to our neighbors for that time this afternoon when someone stood outside and rang their doorbell non-stop for about 10 minutes. We can hear everything that goes on in the hallway.

A cup of medicine and a good book.

Snuggling under the covers on the futon. I have been kicked out of the big bed with Ryan until I can make it through the night without waking up coughing like I have TB. And believe me I am looking forward to moving back in because our neighbor in the building opposite ours leaves their light on full blast all night long so that when I wake up at 3 every morning the room looks like this:

No joke. The only nice thing about it is that I can be sure that no monsters are climbing out from under the bed. It's like the biggest night light ever.

PS - I forgot how much fun it is to take pictures that are black and white or sepia.

PPS - Just in case you were curious I wrote this post about two months ago and yes, I am just posting it now. It's partly due to not thinking about it and also partly because my Macbook got very sick and erased everything on my hard drive including all the fun pictures that I had been taking for posts like this one.

A quiet morning ...

2011-03-24T12:30:00.006+11:00

My 5th graders went on a field trip to our local planetarium (a place I plan on taking myself soon; who cares if I won't be able to understand anything? Stars are still stars, no matter the language) which means that I have had a fairly quiet morning all to myself in my shared office.

So far today I have been hard at work cleaning out my Google Reader, checking out Pintrest and debating the merits of baby girl guinea pigs names with my cousin via Facebook photo comments.

So far the main contenders are Maxine and Ginger. Isn't she cute??

I also recently acquired the entire Beatles discography and have been listening to it on shuffle for the last two hours. Auditory bliss. The White Album is my favorite cooking/baking music. I have also realized that my cooking and baking habits have some very specific rituals attached to them. Ryan is just glad that I'm going to start playing something other than Ghostbusters (another cooking time favorite) when I cook dinner.

This afternoon should be a little more productive, however. I (hopefully) will have all my lessons planned and worksheets made and emailed to my co-teachers, will have made it to the bank to get a piggy bank's worth coins turned into cash and have Skyped with BFF Hilda - who I have been missing more than normal lately. I really hate not being able to call her whenever I want to, stupid 8 hour (or so) time difference.

I would be a much, much crazier person if it weren't for Hilda.

On a completely unrelated note:

I think I'm going to change the format of my blog posts a bit. I've realized that when I feel like I have to write about something, I can't (won't?). For example, I've taken two HUGE vacations in as many years and have written a total of 2 posts about them. Combined. That's just sad.

So look for this space to evolve into a bit more of a weird stories about my life/weird pictures of my life/hobby type things rather than the life journal type thing that The Flip Side has been up until this point. The beauty of this being my blog and all is I get to change it up whenever I feel inclined to do so. HOORAY!

Health Day

2011-03-16T18:16:00.007+11:00

I have a terrible cold and as soon as my co-teachers told me we were going to climb the Mudong Mountain (our local mountain - a 30 minute bus ride gets you to the base) for our health day, my nasty cough suddenly got nastier. I'm not really one for climbing mountains and, just so you know, Ryan and I climbed Mudong during another little break we had from school on a day when the weather was nice.

See? We even made it all the way to the top!

Even though getting back down from the top almost killed us. The path up there was caked in ice and if a nice Korean man hadn't stopped to give us his hiking spikes we would have ended the day black and blue and with me in tears. But! I didn't cry even one time! In fact, I would go so far as to say I enjoyed it. Weird right? I don't even know who I am anymore ...

Anyway, I opted to come home and rest. And by rest I mean clean. I don't know what has gotten into me but I have become obsessed with getting our hamper to be empty for at least 15 minutes before we fill it back to overflowing with dirty clothes.

I don't think that's too much to ask for, do you?

And when you have to hang up all your laundry to dry it, you're kind of limited in how many loads you can do in a day. And while I'm all for saving electricity and line drying your clothes (I used to do it all the time in my apartment back in the states) it's a smidge depressing/aggravating when you're really motivated to wash and fold everything that's in the hamper you can't because there just isn't enough space on the rack.

Black and white makes pretty much anything look interesting and arty.

And I would totally invest in some extra floor drying racks but there is just not enough floor space. So instead of being a crazy laundry lady, I settle for washing as many clothes as I think I fit on the rack at once. And usually that's too much. But I look at it like a challenge. Usually I end up the winner. Take that laundry.

The Return of Zombie Caroline

2011-02-09T20:10:00.004+11:00

After 3 weeks of vacation and 3 days of being back at work (which means staying up because you can't sleep and getting up at 6:30 - gag - to go deal with kids who don't really understand what you're saying and don't care because they are only in school for two weeks before we have another 2 1/2 week break) I can honestly tell you that I am tired.

So tired that I don't really remember the walk from the bus stop to my apartment. I do remember that I wrote about 6 different blog posts in my head about my vacation and how wonderful it was and my birthday and also about how I have a list of things I have to do tonight and about the kind of blogs that I love to read because they make me laugh ... and now I don't remember what this post was supposed to be about.

The long and short of it is that I am (dead) tired (heh) and that I have many wonderful things to tell you about my vacation and about how I did not have a breakdown on the morning of my birthday even though I am now the oldest I have ever been.

... I just re-read that sentence. I am now going to bed. Here are some pictures of said (much missed) vacay in hopes that they will lure you to come back when I have have recovered enough to write a post with fewer (possibly none but I'm not promising anything) parentheses and run-on sentences.

Entrance to the Bantu Caves, Malaysia

Boys in skirts.

Monkey friends!

P.S. - I realized as I was putting captions for these pictures that they sum up my vacation quite nicely: we saw some temple-y type places, there were boys in skirts and lots of monkeys. Awesome.

Cultural Differences

2010-12-17T16:29:00.006+11:00

There are a number of things that Koreans do differently than Americans. Which, duh Caroline. Anyone with a brain in their heads can tell you that different cultures do things differently. For the most part I like to think that I am a pretty easy going person. I'm not so set in my ways that I can't be a little flexible. Besides, it's kind of fun to do things the Korean way (I have the rest of my life to do things my way, amIright?).

Since I got here I have tried extra hard to be patient and to try new things. I have tasted foods I never would have otherwise (hello, kimchi!) and have had experiences that I would never have been open too a few years ago. But, there is always another side to each story. Along with the good that being here brings, there are still a few things though that I just can't deal with:

Constantly being asked to explain myself.

I have to explain my opinions (Do you like this? No? But why?). Or why I don't want to eat a particular food (You don't want it now? But why?). Or if I had breakfast that morning (No? BUT WHY? - also, this is always followed by a sad shake of the head. You always eat breakfast in Korea, apparently).

Fish.

For every meal. Sometimes with their heads still attached. And the bones. All the time forever and ever, ugh ... can we please just eat some chicken for lunch?

Leaving the windows wide open while the heat is blasting.

Or leaving the windows open without the heat on at all. Really, the whole idea that I have to wear a coat and scarf while I'm in the school building.

There are no sick days until you are actually dieing. For real.
There is no toilet paper in the bathroom stalls.

You have to get it from the community roll that is next to the sink. Not taking enough paper is a huge pain in the ass (also, gross).

Speaking of bathrooms, they aren't heated.

At all. In fact, the window to the bathroom on my floor was open up until last week.

There are still mosquitoes in this freaking country.

MOSQUITOES! Don't they know it's DECEMBER?!

But for all the little things that bug me (or make me really, really cold) I still am having a super awesome time here and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Baskets and Babies

2010-12-12T11:04:00.000+11:00

It's that time of year again, folks. The time of year when you put all your pocket change into the little red kettles (because the ringing bells make you feel like they're calling you out if you don't). The time of year when you get phone calls asking you to give to a good cause. The time of year when just about everyone is trying to get their hand into your pocket.

And I'm here to toss my cause into the mix as well. I promise it's a good one. It involves babies. And you love babies, don't you?

Midwife Lilly and my god-daughter

When my friend Ashley found out she was pregnant, she decided that she wanted to give birth in the most natural way possible. So she went out and found the Women's Health and Birth Center in Santa Rosa. They provided her with pre-natal care as well as emotional support to make sure that she was ready, both physically and mentally, to have her baby.

Due to some complications during labor, however, Lilly (her midwife) made the call to have her transfered to the hospital. It was a call that ultimately saved the lives of Ashley and the baby. Lilly even was kind enough to stay with her during the rest of the birth to help out however she could.

But, because Ashley was transfered, the center will not be getting the delivery fees from the state for Sephie's birth. Belly Baskets for Babies is a way for us to give back to the Women's Health and Birth Center for everything they have given us.

My totally sweet flyer.

Please consider buying a Santa Belly Basket this Christmas to help the babies. And you can't help, please send the information along to someone who might be able too.

15% of every basket sold between now and December 20 will be given to the center. Plus, the Santa Belly Basket is adorable and will last you (seriously) forever. Adding assecories to the basket, like a lid and protector, will increase your total donation!

To order, just go to Longaberger.com/carolinepaul and type Santa Belly Basket in the search box. Or you can shoot me an email at cjepaul [at] gmail [dot] com and I will take care of you.

Thoughts on a Thrusday

2010-12-10T16:28:00.003+11:00

This is my actual journal entry from yesterday:

December 9, 2010
I hate this day.
- Caroline

Pretty much sums it up.

Korea is a silly place episode 1: Attack of the Recorders

2010-12-09T07:30:00.000+11:00

In between the last two classes I teach at my main school, my co-teacher and I go and sit in the music room. It happens to be on the same floor as the 5th graders that we teach and at that point in the morning we are too tired to walk down all the stairs to our office.

The other day, however, instead of coming in and sitting to stare at the kids who are cleaning up her classroom during the 10 minute passing period (child labor builds character!) we walked in to find the music teacher seated on a piano bench while two students were taking turns smacking her back and shoulders. At first I was completely shocked, but the look on the music teachers face made it pretty clear that she was actually enjoying getting beat on by her students.

My co-teacher later explained to me that she was getting a massage. I guess she had had a rough morning and needed some TLC ...

After about 5 minutes of non-stop back slapping, the boys were clearly tired (smacking your teacher is hard work, yo). They grabbed their books and their recorders and started to head out the door.

But then their eyes locked and they slowly glanced down at the recorders they had in their hands and (I'm not even kidding) both their heads swiveled, horror movie style, back to their teacher, who was still sitting on the piano bench waiting for more of her "massage". They grinned at each other as one of the boys walked over and tapped the music teacher to see how she'd react. When she didn't say anything, both of the boys started to wail on her (and I mean wail) with their recorders.

And she was smiling. She actually looked relaxed.

And that's when I almost fell out of my tiny, Korean desk chair crying from laughter.

Bombs over Yeonpyeong Island or HOLY CRAP WE'RE GETTING BOMBED.

2010-11-24T17:30:00.007+11:00

First I would like to take this opportunity to point out the obvious fact that I was not blown up by North Korea. Second, I would like to let you know that there was no kind of military activity of any kind going on in my city.

In fact, I didn't even know that mortars had been fired until a fellow expat teacher wrote about it on Facebook because her students had come to her class yelling about bombs and going to war. None of my co-workers have mentioned it to me or asked me if I will have to leave the country, so I'm guessing from their general lack of ~~alarm~~ interest there is nothing to worry about right now.

That didn't stop me from registering with the embassy though. And also after reading this, I think I am going to make myself a SHTF bag. But beyond that, I really haven't given this latest North Korean temper tantrum any thought.

Things I've Learned Thursday(ish)

2010-11-16T00:54:00.003+11:00

I was sitting in my office today thinking about how I should write a blog post and couldn't really think of anything and then it hit me: Things I've Learned Thursday. Even though it's Friday afternoon as I am writing this, it's still technically Thrusday in the states and I am totally using that to my advantage.

International date line FTW!

Things I've Learned Thrusday(ish)

South Korea Edition

TaDa!

When eating fish in Asian countries, it is in your best interest to chew very, very slowly.

Related: fish bones hurt when they stab you in the mouth.

No matter how many times you eat lunch with your coworkers in the cafeteria, someone is going to comment on how well you eat with chopsticks.
(This pains me to say ...) Mom was right when she told me to pack long johns.
The reason that Koreans eat rice and soup for every meal is because for thousands of years the Asian peoples ate rice and as a result their stomachs became smaller and their intestines became longer. Because of this, they can only have meat as a side dish (as opposed to the main dish of the meal) because if they eat too much it will get stuck in the intestines and cause cancer.

That little tidbit is brought to you by my (totally wonderful and sweet) 6th grade co-teacher Sumi.

Wholecusan Park ... Home of Bitch Mountain

2010-11-12T12:15:00.000+11:00

Here is a bit of advice for you: If you ever go hiking in Korea (or really anywhere, I suppose) and you notice that the other people getting ready to hit the trail are dressed/equipped much differently than you are, you might want to consider re-thinking the hike you are about to go on.

1. Some beautiful colors from the start of the hike.
2. Our little group of adventurers making their way to the start of the tail.

Yes, the scenery is amazing and the misty morning really makes you feel like you can do anything. But mist and pretty leaves will not give you the ability to hike especially when you are out of shape. And carrying a pack on your back? Forgetaboutit.

I guess was making some version of this face all morning,
every picture taken before the hike looks like this!

When the Koreans are all walking around with teeny tiny packs and, not one, but TWO walking sticks ... that's when you know that your hike is probably not going to be the leisurely stroll that you may have been imagining it to be.

Although, to be fair, I probably should have realized it wasn't going to be a gentle slope when Ryan informed me that we were going on a 6 hour hike (someday I will learn ...).

However, despite almost collapsing on multiple occasions and laying down to take naps every time we stopped for more than 5 minutes (read: lunch time and when we got to the top of the first summit), I am really glad that I did it. Why?

One part insane views:

One part awesome hiking friends:

You know you have a solid group of friends when
1. they let you sleep on the hike and
2. still hang out with you after wards (I was pretty slow).

One part being able to say that yes, I did ~~hike~~ climb a mountain and yes it did take 6.5 hours (!!!) and yes I only fell down once thankyouverymuch.

And then also this totally sweet bridge:

I wrote this on Friday ...

2010-11-05T19:34:00.006+11:00

Hi internet friends!

I am going to skip the part of this post where I go on and on about how I haven't posted one single thing in almost two months (which, ps, I've been living in South Korea for 3 months already. WHA-?) and just give you the quick and dirty of why.

When I want to post something, I'm on a bus and no where near a computer.
When I sit in front of a computer, I can't think of a single thing to write about that isn't whine-y and complain-y.
I have been home sick for the last month and a half or so (see #2).
Sometimes I just don't feel like posting.

That being said, I am in a fabulous mood today for a few reasons:

It's Friday.
I am in the process of packing up for a fun little weekend trip.
I love to make lists that are not of the "to do" variety.

I also wanted to get some "housekeeping" out of the way. Armini has started blogging (you can find him here) and he is blogging under his real name and happens to use my real name as well. So there really isn't any reason to keep my name a secret anymore.

Ta da!
(That's what Seoul looks like, if you're wondering)

Other than that, I just really wanted to share this dumb little video of Ryan telling a joke to our new friends Becky and Zach (who are also bloggers! You can find them here) because it's Friday, I'm in a great mood and it makes me laugh every single time I watch it.

Here is the bit of the joke that I didn't get on video:

"So two whales are swimming in the ocean and one whale says to
the other whale ..."

Greetings from South Korea!

2010-09-20T10:48:00.004+10:00

I know you've probably been wondering what happened to me since the last time I talked about moving out of the country.

Well *spoiler* I moved out of the country! I am currently living in South Korea. In a town called Gwangju. It's in the southern part of the country. Also, I live down the street from the World Cup stadium. It's pretty sweet.

This is where I live now. GAH.

We haven't done anything worth mentioning since we've been here, which I cannot believe has already been a month. Teaching has its moments of awesomeness (like the other day when I student read a sentence and realized that yourself should have been yourselves. I wanted to kiss him) and it's moments of total despair (like when I'm teaching almost totally by myself and I ask the kids a question and get nothing but blank stares as an answer).

I also really want to learn how to speak Korean. Mostly so that I can tell taxi drivers where I want to go and then have them understand and take me to the place I want to go. Also, knowing what is going on around me would be nice.

I've already learned the lesson that when someone rings your doorbell and you aren't expecting people you shouldn't open it, or if you do don't let the people inside, because it will probably be crazy church people who will preach to you about God for an hour (in broken English) after you already started the conversation by telling them you were a Christian. Also, then you will have to lie to get them to leave. Sorry, God. It was the only way.

At this point in the post I would love you be all, "LOOK AT THESE PICTURES". But they are on my laptop, which is not at school with me today, and I forgot to bring the little thingy that lets me read the spanky new mini USB card I got for my camera before I left the country. So instead I will leave you with promises of pictures and this picture of the back of me taken in a pretty sweet cafe/bar thing in downtown called The Ethnic Cafe:

There are also lots of nooks and cranies for making out.
Armini and I are totally going back on date night. RWAR.

Tagline Shmagline (and French techo-rap!)

2010-08-14T14:27:00.003+10:00

With all the super fabulous posts I've been reading about BlogHer this year (which, OMG, I totally want to be there next year) I have found myself thinking a lot about things I don't normally spend my time thinking about. Like creating my brand and thinking about what sort of content (it sounds so smarmy in my head) I should be creating to get my target audience involved and engaged and what my tag line should be.

Especially my tag line. It's not that I don't like adventures of the world's oddest super hero, except that I have never claimed to be a super hero and nothing in any post I have ever written has referenced the fact that I may or may not be a superhero and therefor, it seems that it is a tag line that totally doesn't work.

I told you I've been thinking about it a lot.

But today I read something that really made me stop and think about why I'm blogging. Leah, over at A Girl and a Boy, wrote a post called My Brand that totally sums up why I started blogging. To share my feelings and to tell stories. A place to come and write words every day (or once a month) in the hopes that maybe something I say will make someone else laugh or resonate with them.

Some of my favorite blogs are the ones that are about nothing at all. I've noticed that the blogs I tend to skim are those that are about one thing only. Personal finance, cooking, photography. The blogs I check my reader for the most often are written by people my age who are dealing with the same things I am (sometimes almost exactly) and can tell their stories with humor and courage. Those are the blogs that I want to be like and I'm pretty sure they don't sit around wondering what people think of their tag line.

I hope that's not the case, anyway, because I really don't think I can dedicate any more time thinking this without people starting to worry about me.

Now for the French techno-rap. Hilda sent me the link to this and I literally cannot stop listening to it. I've already listed to it 4 times since I started writing this post. It's playing right now. It's like crack for my ears.

Anyway, it's awesome. Also, don't blame me when the next time you go out dancing all you want to do is shake your shoulders (I already know that I am doomed to this. Someday I will tell you the story of how I know that). Enjoy:

My Life has Completely Jumped the Shark

2010-08-13T01:23:00.004+10:00

As of last night I am pretty sure that I have suddenly found myself in an alternate universe where nothing goes like I plan and I am the laziest human being in the world.

Well, I guess most of that sentence would be true no matter what dimension I'm living in (getting up before 10 should be a crime, people.) but the part about my plans going so far off track that they end up in another state is totally true.

In the interest of keeping my family issues family issues and not "SuperCareo likes to air the family laundry on the internet, she's out of the will" issues I am going to give you a bulleted list of how my effort to get my boyfriend and my parents in the same room backfired so spectacularly well that I don't know that they will ever be in the same room ever again:

Armini wants to go to dinner, I suggest a mexican place over by my parent's house and throw out the suggestion that he come over there after to hang out
We eat, have a lovely meal and come home to discover that my mother has flown the coop
We head to the basement to watch a movie, Dad comes down with beers (odd) and then pulls up a chair and asks us to stop the movie because "we need to talk" (cue the blood chilling panic)
Dad proceeds to inform Armini that my mother is more or less blaming him for me leaving, unfairly, and that both he and my mother agree that he is "unworthy of our daughter"
Dad leaves, Armini and I look at each other in silence (because there are no. words.)
Armini leaves I go and watch the movie on my laptop in bed. Alone. Thanks, Dad.

I mean, how does this happen? How do you react to that? I am so at a loss for what to do at this point that I'm thinking I'm just going to pretend that last night ever happened and hope that someday everyone will forget about it.

Except now that I wrote about it on the internet, I suppose that plan's already not going to work.

THANKS INTERNET.

PS - you can learn about the whole jumping the shark thing here. Don't worry, I had to look it up the first time I heard someone say it, too.

PPS - all of my suitcases are, for the most part, packed and ready to go. 5 days before I leave. I am starting to get pretty excited ...

Orphaned Post: My Inner Demon is a Hippie

2010-08-09T16:16:00.000+10:00

NOTE: I am what you might call a chronic post starter. I get an idea for a blog post and I start writing it and then when I get out the main part of what I want to say I lose my ability to string words together in a decent sentence or I just can't find the place where the post is supposed to end (which totally drives me bananas insane). Since the posting around here has been a little broken record-ish (OMG I'M LEAVING THE COUNTRY IN 8 DAYS), and I don't feel like coming up with something totally unique, I decided that I would take one of these orphaned posts, polish it and publish it. TA DA.

People often like to identify their vices as "inner demons". You can read about them on any number of blogs ... there are tons of self help books or life coaches to help you deal with said demons.

I think it's safe to say that everyone has one or two of them. I know I do (he's my Sad Little Ghost) but in addition to my Sad Little Ghost, I have another little someone following me around. Except that she isn't really a demon. She's more of a ... hippie.

I know what you're thinking, but SuperCareo, wouldn't some people consider hippies demons? And to that I would say, yes there are. But I am not one of them. That being said, however, doesn't mean that I love my Inner Hippie all the time. Or even half the time.

The issue I have with Inner Hippie is pretty simple: she's a talker. As in, she talks a lot. All the time. And she's very hard to shut up. Especially because she's in my head.

When I look outside she tells me about how beautiful the sky is and how I should get a bike so that I won't pollute it with my car. When I'm cooking or cleaning she yells at me when I reach for a paper towel rather than a towel I can toss in the wash and reuse. She even talked me into washing out a plastic baggie the other day - but it's still sitting in the dish strainer, so take that Inner Hippie! Super Careo: 1 Inner Hippie: 0 (but still trying).

Now don't get me wrong, I love the Earth. I want it to be happy and clean. I want to live upon it lightly so that my kids will be able to know what trees are. BUT - there comes a point in the never ending tirade of Inner Hippie that makes me want to throw all of the contents of my recycling bins into the dumpster, or drive around just because and waste a tank of gas or use the paper towels instead of the washable towel and they're Seventh Generation towels doesn't that count for something??

In an effort to bring some harmony into my life (and to get Inner Hippie to shut her freaking mouth already) I am going to start try to incorporate one of my other blogs, Neon Green, into The Flip Side. What this means for you is that you will get to read more about ~~how I am slowly turning into a hippie~~ become more mindful of my behaviors and how they affect the world.

I also want you to know that I (obviously) don't feel like everyone should start turning into hippies. They are generally dirty and smell funny and before you get mad at me I can tell you that I know several hippies in real life and if you asked them they would agree that they should probably take a shower and stop burning the patchouli incense as much as they do.

So please, don't think that I'm turning into some sort of self righteous, "go green or die" sort of crazy nut-job. Mostly I am going to talk about baking (the connection to being a hippie is that I bake from scratch) and the other odd ball things that most people probably would never associate with hippies.

And on that note, I will leave you with this mosaic of cakes that I have made in past month. Yes, that's right, two cakes in a month (hello stress eating!). Don't you wish you lived near me now? (I wish you did too).

1. apt 311, 2. apt 377, 3. apt 315, 4. apt 297, 5. apt 306, 6. apt 380

--

END NOTE: I actually am going to try and incorporate Neon Green into the Flip Side (same with Master of my Money) because clearly I have issues blogging anywhere but here. Also, I think I might need to bake a cake tomorrow after work.

THE END.

I'm Moving.

2010-08-04T01:27:00.002+10:00

Well, the cat is out of the bag. Yesterday morning I marched into work and told my boss that, hey, I’m moving out of the country in two weeks.

Then I may have had a small panic attack because, OMG … two weeks. Two weeks. From today. (!!!).

Anyway. Since my last post I have been doing a lot of things. Mostly moving (which is an event because I have more stuff than anyone should be allowed to have) and trying to sell my car and being OVERWHELMED and fighting with my apartment complex about the tiny flood that happened in my kitchen on Memorial Day, which I just remembered I didn’t tell you about.

THE QUICK AND DIRTY VERSION: There was a clog in the laundry room pipes that caused the laundry water to come out of my sink. They didn’t believe me when I told them that the laundry room was probably responsible, and as a result my apartment was flooded on at least one other occasion later on in the week. Then I had to fight with them to pro-rate my rent for the week I didn’t live there because the carpet was all ripped up, and then I had to prove to them that having my AC turned down to 65 degrees for a week would have a more dramatic impact on my bill than the “pennies a day” the office assured me it would be. And then there was the nonsense about how the cleaning service they hired to come in and clean my kitchen did pretty much the worst cleaning job ever in the history of cleaning jobs.

And the cherry on top is that my brand new hand mixer and my grandmother’s aprons sat in water for a week and got moldy and gross. But not beyond repair, thank goodness.

THE MORAL: Do not ever rent from Price Brothers. They are cheap assholes who will take you for all you’re worth, even if the whole reason there was a problem in the first place is because they were too lazy to take the months of phone calls from the other residents in building complaining about how the washer wasn’t draining properly seriously. THANKS PRICE BROTHERS.

There. Now you are up to speed.

But this past weekend I moved out of my apartment (of doom) and I am back with my parents for the next two weeks. Then I'm moving to South Korea for a year.

Now I am going to go have a small panic attack in the bathroom so that I can get back to work. Excuse me.

FO is knitting "geek speak" for finished object

2010-06-25T13:45:00.008+10:00

And now that you are all up to speed on that, I want to show you this:

Yes, yes. It's awesome. Also, it only took me about 11 months to finish. WIN!

I used organic cotton handspun yarn from the fabulous Tara over at The Blonde Chicken (she's @blondechicken on twitter) and I got it from her so long ago that I don't remember what the colorway is called anymore. Which is sad, because it's super cute. I bought myself a membership to her Yarn Adventure Club as my Armini is going to China without me present (aka - the grief knitting).

The reason that this took me forever is that I have this crazy ability to unravel handspun yarn pretty much by looking at the wrong way. So I would be knitting along, happy as a clam, and then the yarn would just fall apart in my hands. Needless to say, I got tired of it pretty quickly and went on to knit other things. But last week I was digging around for something to knit on and found this and thought I would give it another go. And I finished it!

It's huge though. Like, way too big. And I'm terrified to wash it because I love it and I don't want it to do anything crazy, like burst into flames, if I try to block it. So I'm thinking that I'm just going to leave it like it is. I'm already referring to it lovingly as my Thinking Cap. Why is that do you ask?

Because it's big enough for all my dreams to fit inside.

A{n odorless} Funk.

2010-06-23T00:59:00.003+10:00

Lately I have found myself in a bit of a funk. I have about 4 blog posts started, waiting their turn to be finished. I have had to ask for a lot of help from my parents (the last people that I want to ask for help right now. I find that it sort of takes away from that whole "grown up" feeling I've been trying to cultivate). I have been fighting with my apartment complex for the last month to get them to take responsibility for flooding my apartment and paying for damages (that is one of the posts waiting to get written, BTW).

And each little thing takes a bit of wind out of my sails. Until I'm left floating, feeling alone (even though I'm not), and very unsure about what to do next.

Last night was the worst. I was really upset for no reason at all (oh the joys of being a girl) and then I watched Homeward Bound, which was a bad idea all around because it just made me cry more, and then I wallowed. Oh, there was wallowing and wailing.

Ok, actually, there was not a lot of wallowing or wailing, I just wanted to say them in the same sentence. It's fun.

But I was sad. And so I gave myself 5 minutes to be sad. And then I sat down and made some lists. Because lists are totally awesome.

I wrote down 10 reasons I suck at life. Then I re-read them and was sad. But then I said to myself, "Self, this is silly. You do not suck at life." So then I made a list of 10 reasons why my 10 reasons I suck at life are untrue or completely absurd. And then I re-read that and I laughed a little because really, some of my I suck at life things really were totally crazy pants.

And then, as an exercise in being nice to myself, I wrote down a list of 10 reasons why I am awesome sauce. And that one was a little harder. I think it's mostly because I have always used my ability to put myself down and make fun of myself as a defense mechanism (oh middle school ... you sucked. Alot.) and so saying nice things about myself is ... not normal. But I really did feel better about everything.

The Moral of the Story: Sometimes you just have to get out your crazy so that you can move on with your life in a sane(er-ish) manner than you could have if you just kept the crazy locked up inside you. Just ... don't let anyone read your journal. Then you probably won't have any friends.

The most brilliant idea I thik I have ever had (maybe. I hope.)

2010-06-04T13:43:00.004+10:00

I have been thinking a lot about finding my magic job. I know that it's out there, I can feel it. And yesterday, I think I may have figured out what it is.

I think (maybe, possibly) that I want to own a bed and breakfast.

It's pretty much the perfect idea. I would get to cook and bake for the people who come to stay with me. I would get to have the house of my dreams (hopefully - eventually) and I would get to make a million new friends. The best part being, of course, that the new friends come to me. And there would be a garden. A garden with tons of huge flowering bushes, and tons of vegetables and a line for laundry and a compost pile.

And the more I think about it, the more excited I get. Which is, like, the first sign that this is a good idea, right? I mean, I would get to own my own business, be my own boss, never have to leave the house and I would be making money by doing what I love to do: entertain and cook and make everything warm and cozy and wonderful.

I begin research tomorrow on bed and breakfasts in general. Hilda suggested buying a house in California somewhere close to wine country (she said I word that I couldn't understand, and she won at scrabble with it) but I'm curious ... what are your thoughts on locations?

Because I do expect you to come and stay with me. Magic does best when it is shared.

Letting the dream catch me for once

2010-05-29T01:21:00.003+10:00

Since I got back from China in February, I feel like I have been chasing a dream. A dream that consists mostly of me not having to work (ever) and being able to eat as many pancakes and M&M's as I want without ever having to worry about getting fat. We all have to have a dream, right?

Hilda has been telling me over and over again that I need to "find contentment in what I have". I read blog after blog that talks about how being in the moment is so important. I even have started doing Shiva Nata as a way to try and tap into some of that contentment. Although, to be fair I have wanted to start practicing Shiva Nata for a while now (because Havi is pretty much my hero and I want to be her when I grow up) and this whole "why does my life suck all the time?" thing felt like the perfect time to finally step up and buy the starter kit.

I was trying so hard to be content with what I had, but it seemed like no matter what I did there was always something nagging at the back of my mind. Like, I would be wishing for cable (a post is coming on that, I promise) or dreading going to Macy's for job #2 of the day, or thinking about the eleventy billion other things that I needed to do over the weekend instead of being locked up in a department store.

But then the other day I was standing in my kitchen, wearing my pink polka-dot apron, kneading some bread (yes I am aware that statement makes me sound like Suzy Homemaker) and it occurred to me that I was genuinely happy. I have started listening to some of the CD's that I love, like the Godzilla soundtrack (because I am just that cool), and I finally got my apartment clean over mother's day weekend and I am happy. The quiet of not having the TV on all the time took some getting used too. Once I let go of trying to be happy - I was.

It's so cliche, I know. But I'm so happy that it found me. I am so content in my little space. I'm just sorry that I might be leaving it in a few months. Even though I am also really excited about the adventure that I will be going on (provided, of course, that the Korea's can get along without dropping bombs on each other).

The good thing is, however, that I know that I can do it. The happiness is there to be had. You just have to relax enough to let it get you.

If only I had a moon ladder, my life would be complete

2010-05-15T15:19:00.004+10:00

I want so much that sometimes it hurts almost. Almost. Ok, maybe a little more than almost. It's the pull of desire for something (even if you have absolutely no idea what it is that you want) that starts in the center of your chest and radiates outward. Out toward the thing, whatever it is: physical, emotional, a specific event, an accomplishment of some sort.

I have decided that I am living a life that is mostly devoid of magic. And I am not like other grown ups who can go around without magic and be perfectly content. I need magic. I crave it. It is what I am radiating towards.

The only thing is I don't know where to start my search for this magic. It makes me feel very small. Like someone is telling me that I can totally make it to the moon, only they don't tell you that you should probably get a spaceship beforehand (ladders that tall just don't exist, I checked).

Sometimes I think that finding the magic will have to do with where I live and how I choose to live there. I imagine a huge back yard with huge, old trees and giant flowering bushes and so much color (green and blue and pink and purple and white and and and) that you might think that your eyes will melt out of your head. And a house that smells like cooking and baking. Warm bread, fabulous meals, cookbooks with broken spines and stained pages from years of being used and loved.

But in order to find the magic house, I have to have money. And in order to have money, I have to have a job. And that, my friends, is where I get lost.

A job that is magical. Something that I am good at and that I love to do all the time. A job that, if I did have to work more than 40 hours at it during the week, wouldn't make me want to find a mountain and throw myself off the very top of it because I am so tired and so stressed I can't stand it.

I have friends who are doing what they love. Writing or designing or what-have-you-ing. They have always known what it was, and even if they didn't know it exactly at the time, they were pretty damn close. I am good at a lot of things. I have jobs that I enjoy (to a degree) but I still manage to have about 1 day a week where my brain literally turns into jello because of the stress in my life and oozes out of my ear holes. And it's draining my will to live.

On the phone with my mother the other day, she told me that "if this was the way [I] choose to life my life then [I] should probably just stop bitching about it and be content that [I] have a job at all." And yes, I agree. I should stop bitching. I should spend more time looking for a job where I can put my college degree to good use (or any use, for that matter), be happy and make some money so that I can find the magic house where I will be able to cook and bake forever and ever, Amen.

But I think about looking for a job and all I want to do is run back into the arms of my 3 (yes, 3) jobs and the 1 day a week of brain flavored stress-jello and hold on as tight as I can and never let go. Resumes make me turn into a blabbering idiot. Looking at Monster or Career Builder makes me wonder if I will ever find anything that makes me want to dance out of bed and into the office.

And yes, I realize that I might be romanticizing this job thing. Maybe there really is not one person in the world who actually dances into their office everyday. Maybe "magical jobs" are like "unicorns" and "dragons" and while they are fun to talk about or star in movies or read about, they don't really exist.

But the thing is, I don't know that I want to live in a world where being a grown up means that you have to wait until 5:00 on the weekdays to feel the magic. In fact, I take that back. I know I don't want to live in that world. In that world, the world where everyone waits until 5:00 to be happy, I will wither and die like a flower that doesn't get enough sunshine.

So I suppose I am putting this out there to see what comes to me. I would love to have words of comfort or maybe a career idea that is something super-fun that you heard of one time because your ex-boyfriend's, step mom's brother-in-law from Texas heard about from a friend one time (maybe). The list of magical jobs that I came up with is sort of small:

Start my own preschool
Flight attendant
Character actor at Disneyland (I would like to be Ariel please. Or Belle. Well ... really any princess, really)

Thoughts?

The deed is done

2010-05-02T23:00:00.000+10:00

Well, the time for voting has come and gone. ET VIOLA!

I am the most beautiful girl in Puppetland

Long-ish hair was the winner by a vote of 3 to 1. Now I am beautiful, and I don't feel gross about my hair. In fact, I have worn it down every day since I got it cut! I even have long-ish bangs. See them? On the right?

What is it about haircuts that are just so darn magical? I swear, it's like Brooke switched out my old head of hair for a new one. I am never going so long without a haircut again.

The End.

I can now add "fog" to my list of things I'm scared of

2010-05-01T17:19:00.004+10:00

I drove home from my parent's house at 1:30 last night (after watching a bad Lifetime movie with my mom and part of Dinosaur Train before we both got a really bad case of the giggles) and managed to scare the crap out of myself because I am just that talented.

It was super misty out and I don't think that anyone can blame me for getting creeped out when you are in the middle of the country (my parents live about 20 minutes from the nearest highway, in a neighborhood surrounded by farmland) and I just can't help it that there was corn growing next to the neighborhood and it was dark and super misty on the night that I saw Signs and that this movie ruined my life.

Yes ruined. I slept with the lights on for three months after I saw that movie. And - spoiler alert - I only felt really safe in the shower because I knew that the aliens would get melted. Yes, I know I'm the biggest wimp you know. Yes, I am ok with that, I came to terms with it years ago.

At one point I had scared myself so badly that I almost turned around and spent the night at Mom and Dad's but I said to myself, "Self, you are being very silly. There is not one alien that is going to try and get you. But just to be sure you should probably turn on the light to check the backseat and then lock the doors. But after that, we are going back to the apartment."

So then I'm driving on the highway and this little silver Neon pulls up next to me and it has a giant spider decal on the side of it that literally made my skin crawl.

Then I was struck by the irony of how I have mentioned freaky movies about mist (and the large and terrifying bugs that dwell within) and spiders on this blog in the last few months. But then there was a rather large bank of mist on the highway and I went back to being scared of aliens - because that totally makes sense, right?

So, up to this point, my 30 minute drive home has somehow managed to morph into the 30 minute drive home of terror. I get off the highway, turn onto the road that takes me to my apartment, and think to myself, "Self, you made it. I'm proud of us." But as I'm sure you may have guessed, the weirdness of this drive is not done.

All of a sudden there are cones all over the road and lots (and lots) of flashing lights. I slow down, like you do, totally expecting to see some hideous car wreck. But instead I am guided into the library parking lot where there were at the very least 100 police officers (and support personnel) doing DUI checks. Since I was obviously not drunk (just a little freaked out looking and tired), they gave me a little pamphlet and let me go. Although, to be fair, the terrifying tiny, barking dogs could have been the reason they didn't ask me to get out of the car. They are pretty vicious.

Pulling into the apartment parking lot, I wasn't freaked out at all. Which was fabulous because I was totally prepared to sprint to the door to avoid any would-be attacker aliens because I like to think that sprinting away from them means that they cannot take me to their spaceship or shoot me up with the poison gas that comes out of their wrists ... and now I'm going to have the sleep with the lights on.

Instead, I walked calmly and slowly because I have a really loud scream and there was an army of police officers one parking lot down from me. And aliens are totally scared of the police. Right?

My Summertime Manifesto

2010-04-21T00:37:00.004+10:00

One of my good friends posted a to do list for this summer and (borrowing the name from Tara over at the Blonde Chicken) I thought I would be a copy cat and do the same thing.

{SuperCareo's}
Summertime Manifesto
- of Great Times and Awesomeness -

Camping with good friends
Having lots of adult beverages with good friends while camping
Making the 'reunion' float trip in my head go from a thought in my head to actually a thing with dates and people who are coming
Spending more time with my dogs at the dog park
Enjoying more evenings on my patio (hopefully in my hammock)
Working on my sewing; specifically learning how to make summer dresses (with pockets! Who doesn't love dresses with pockets!)
Finding joy where I am, where I am going, and the process that is the journey to where I am going
Dance parties - to have them and to dance until I can't move anymore

What are you going to do this summer?

OH, and before I forget: If you still haven't told me what you think I should do with my hair, you probably should. Hilda and Armini are both in favor of long-ish hair; which means that shorty-short hair only has one vote. This is serious business people - VOTE TODAY.

I need your help!

2010-04-19T23:55:00.007+10:00

Because I have suddenly become a person who cannot make a decision on my own, I have decided (progress!) to leave my next hair style up to you my readers (regression!). SO, tell me, what do you think?

Short hair ... or ... long-ish hair?

It's been almost a year since my last hair cut (I know some of you may have gagged at that statement, I'm sorry) and I need one desperately. But I can't decide if I want to just get a trim or cut off what I have and go back to having shorty-short hair.

I won't make an appointment until someone tells me what to do. Which means that if not having a hair cut for (almost) a full calendar year makes you throw up in your mouth a little, you should probably leave a comment to end the cruel and unusually torture I have inflicted upon my hair.

Title Unkown

2010-04-13T00:59:00.005+10:00

I have a confession to make.

Well, it's not so much a confession as it is me finally acknowledging this thing to myself. And also, to the world.

I am miserable.

It sounds dramatic, doesn't it? It's like I've been transported back in time to when I was 16 and running around saying things like "I hate my life" or "you just don't understand me" or "why doesn't that [hot boy] think I'm pretty?"

So maybe not that last one (or least not anymore, I totally know I'm pretty thankyouverymuch).

But those other two pretty much hit the mark. I'm feeling very lost, misunderstood, scared and picked on. The long and the short of it is, I hate my life as it is right now. And so I did something that most of the people I know think is a really stupid idea.

I applied, along with Armini, to teach English in South Korea.

Yes, it is a drastic change. But the most I think about it, the more I like the idea of taking a year off from my life and getting away from here so that I can clear my head and really think about what I want to do with my life.

I told my parents last night and I have to say that in some ways it went better than I thought it would, and in others it was worse. My dad took it pretty well. My mom did the total opposite of what I thought she would. Rather than totally loose it, she internalized it. Gave me a long list of things I could do here, in the country, that would me more money/get me away from Kansas/let me get started on a career.

And that ... the "c" word ... is what it really comes down too.

I haven't made it a secret that my mom has really been pushing me to go to grad school, and I think there is a lot of complicated family drama fueling it. I know that I am getting older. I know that going to grad school is going to become harder as I get older and try to start a family of my own.

And yet, despite all of this, I am still willing to push it back.

Am I avoiding it? It's possible, probable even. My motivation is 1 part getting far enough away from my parents that I can make a decision on my own, 1 part making a decision and actually following through with it, 1 part being with Amrini (lets just be honest) and 1 part I am a little sad that I didn't go to China and I want to do it now.

I don't know what's going to happen. It's possible that I am going to be one of those people who does a million different things over the course of their lifetime because I can't freaking figure out what to do with myself.

Or maybe this is just the start of me doing some epic shit. Epicly.

(thanks Jamie)

Spider Epiphanies

2010-03-23T02:09:00.003+11:00

One of the worst things about living alone is the living alone part.

Which, duh SuperCareo, didn't you know that before you decided to move out?

But it's not so much that as that one time I lived with a boy and he was around to do the icky stuff like plunge the toilet or kill the crazy big spiders I find in my dresser - which happened the other night, BTW. Which is what brought this whole thing on.

So I opened my dresser drawer and there is a spider looking up at me - clearly ready to jump up and eat me if given the chance. So what do I do? I text my friend Ashley in call caps stating that I NEED A BOY!!!!!!! (and yes, there were that many exclamation points involved).

But the good news is that I did kill the spider with minimal squealing and I was not eaten (thank the lord). But the moment made me pause and think about my independence and being a woman hear me roar and blah, blah, blah. Did wanting a boy (Armini specifically) to kill the spider make me less of a woman? Have I somehow lost that bit of myself (without realizing it) that makes me brave enough to kill the spider?

I know ... killing a spider with a shoe isn't usually a moment for epiphanies.

But, all things considered, I think it's ok. It's not the first time I have ~~wanted~~ made boys to kill bugs for me. All I think it means is that living back here (I am living in the same complex where Armini and I lived before he left for China) makes me miss him and in that moment I just missed him more than normal.

GAH. He hasn't decided if he's coming home to stay when the school year ends, so please keep your fingers crossed for me. I am so tired of this game. Also, I am tired of killing my own bugs.

I'm Back ...

2010-03-16T01:59:00.000+11:00

And I'm sorry for not posting before now. I've been back in the states for about a month now and I haven't written one post about anything that happened during my month in China (and yes, I spent it with Armini. And yes, it was everything I had hoped it would be), or the fact that I've moved (kind of - it's day 4 and I still haven't spent the night there) or the fact that I think I may have to go into rehab because of my new found addiction to M&M's.

Also, I'm not kidding about the M&M's thing. I literally begged my brother to bring me some last night because I hadn't had any in about 3 days and was on the verge of losing it.

So anyway ... I went to Southeast Asia! It was great. Plus I got to see this guy:

We think he may have a career as a bike cop.

We went to 3 countries - China, Laos and Thailand. Laos was my favorite. The food was fabulous, so fabulous in fact that I ate pretty much all the time and so much that I made myself

sick on more than one occasion (because I am a 5 year old who has no self control what-so-ever). Plus it's where I turned 25 (UGH) and we got to go tubing in Vang Vieng (hooray!).

Since I've been back I've started working all the time because the trip completely cleaned me out, something I wasn't as prepared for as I thought I was. Also, adjusting to this stupid-cold-winter-weather-that-never-ends has been hard. Kiss my little bity tan goodbye!

I promise that I have more posts lined up (I've already started a few of them!), I just wanted to get this out there just in case anyone was wondering if I died.

How To Survive In Life

2009-12-22T03:20:00.004+11:00

It's that time again ... time to ~~brave crowds at the mall~~ ~~make out those lists for Santa~~ think about what we would like to do a little differently in our lives in the coming year. And to get excited to open some presents (let's just be honest with each other).

Ok - so maybe most people start thinking about resolutions and all that after the 25th. What can I say? I like to get a jump start on these things. Plus it's not like changing the way I do things hasn't been on my mind lately or anything (ha).

But as I was sitting around thinking about how totally, rock your face off awesome 2010 is going to be I was struck with a thought. A thought that made me think of this one post I wrote at the start of 2009 called Sometimes I Wonder How I Survive In Life. It's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately.

ANYWAY. So I was thinking about making a list for myself of Ways TO Survive in Life.

2009 was a big year for me in terms of things I learned about life and about myself and I think it would make a nice addition to my usual set of 10 (or so) resolutions for the year. And then I thought that it would be enlightening to see what the blogging community would have to add to such a list.

So I'm turning it over to you guys. I want to hear about how YOU are going to survive in the coming year. Tweet it! Collect ideas from your friends! I will post everything I get on January 6th, two days before I leave for China. And yes, you can send me as many ideas as you would like.

I'll go first ...

Sometimes you just have to make the decision and deal with the fall out after the fact (especially if it's something you know you really want).
Dealing with bad situations with grace is harder than you might think.
Sometimes the second (or 3rd ... or 16th) cookie/piece of cake/chocolate frosted doughnut with rainbow sprinkles is necessary in order to avoid a mental breakdown.
A good friend is more valuable than anything else in the world.

Growing Up Might Not be that Bad After All

2009-12-02T03:27:00.005+11:00

Something happened to me yesterday morning ... the thing is that I'm not sure exactly what exactly it is that happened.

Confused yet? Welcome to the party. I've only had to delete and re-start this post about 4 times already.

I have spent a lot of the last year complaining about growing up and finding a direction for my life and all the other usual 20-something type gripping I've been hearing from all of my real life 20-something friends. But I woke up this morning and just felt ... weird. Different.

But weird and different in a good way.

Like, I didn't want to hit the snooze button so many times that I would have to skip my shower and breakfast in order to make it to work on time. Like, I laid in bed and visualized myself in my own apartment (for the record: I have never used visualization as a motivational technique) and it made me excited to get out of bed. Like, I was right on it and had about 2 things checked off my To-Do List for the day before I was even out of the door.

Different like I am actually ready to grow up.

I know, right? I was beginning to think it would never happen. I have no idea what triggered it, however, because my life hasn't been very grown-up lately. But I can't help but feel that it has something to do with the nearness of my ~~nightmare inducing~~ 25th birthday. I think it's acting like the pop timer you find in turkeys, it lets you know when it's time to take it out of the oven.

Sorry about that. I couldn't help myself.

Have any of you had a pop-up timer moment yet (really, I'm sorry. I'll stop.)?

The Day the Scary Movie Followed Me Home

2009-11-19T02:21:00.003+11:00

One of the things that I absolutely love about nannying is getting to watch movies during the day when everyone else is sitting at a desk being ~~bored and sad~~ a productive member of society (Dear HBO On Demand - I love you. Call me. Seriously.)

Anyway, yesterday I got up the courage (yes, courage - I'm a wimp when it comes to scary movies) to watch The Mist. Well ... I half watched it.

I may or may not be re-reading Twilight and I may or may not have been way more interested in reading about werewolf-vampire-teenage girl love triangles: which are way less scary than giant, people eating bug-aliens sneaking around in crazy fog.

But the worst part was when I came home and discovered this in my bathroom sink:

It's an assassin beetle and while, yes it is a creepy ass looking bug to start with, normally I would ok with it. I probably would have even taken it outside myself (I say probably because I have days when I cannot even handle the thought of touching a bug). However, given that I had just watched a movie where the bad buys were bigger versions of this, I ~~screamed like a little girl, hid in my room and~~ made my brother deal with it.

Ewwwwww.

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

2009-11-12T02:21:00.003+11:00

Today I would like to do what everyone else is doing and send a giant, huge THANK YOU to everyone currently in uniform and anyone who has ever worn one.

And I would like to challenge everyone else to make everyday Veteran's Day. My mother, whenever we are somewhere and she spots someone in uniform or an older person with a hat, she will go out of her way to go over to them and thank them for serving.

I used to think it was embarrassing but then one day I was out with some friends for lunch and right in front of me was a gentleman in uniform. On a whim I tapped him on the shoulder and thanked him for serving.

The look in his eyes is something that will never, ever forget. It was clear that he really appreciated being thanked. He grinned at me and thanked me and shook my hand.

My challenge to you, and myself, is to start thanking all the veterans you meet. Just because it's not November 11th doesn't mean that they don't deserve to be appreciated.

I think I am in love

2009-11-09T11:26:00.003+11:00

Lately I have spent 90 - 100% of my time making goals for myself and doing my damnedest to get them done. Anything that helps me get said goals taken care of I am pretty much an instant fan of.

And with that in mind I give you this totally awesome thing:

So cute right? They, and other totally awesome and adorable things (all of which I want now), at Mary Kate Devitt's Etsy shop. If anyone feels like sending me a present, I would not be opposed to finding one of these in my mailbox.

My Random Thought of the Day

2009-10-27T01:08:00.006+11:00

Baby Socks. Have you ever tried to put them on a baby?

The thing about baby socks that I struggle with is how you have to fight to get them on the kid, but when it's time to take them off all you really have to do is look at them sternly. I do not understand.

My Friday ...

2009-10-26T13:36:00.004+11:00

I think this pretty much sums it all up for you guys.

This past week the 4 boys that I take care of after school (who also live right next door - it's the best commute EVER) didn't have school on Thursday or Friday. Plus it was wet and rainy which meant that they couldn't go outside and run off the extra energy they had on Thursday, which ended up coming out as a COMPLETE MELTDOWN at about 2:45.

So their parents took pity on me, gave me some cash and told me to take the boys to Chuck E Cheeses in the hopes that I could have one day when I didn't go strait home and drink a six-pack of beer (you may think I'm joking, but I'm really not).

It was great. They played and did a fantastic job of listening and helping to take care of the youngest brother and I got to sit and work on my sock (it's the dark blue thing in the picture up there). I also spent some more time considering what to do now that I didn't get into my Child Life program and I think I might have it figured out. Sort of. It's a start anyway.

All and all, I think things are starting to look up around here.

Things I've Learned Thursday

2009-10-23T15:04:00.003+11:00

I know that back in the day I said that I would try to keep this thing sort of light even if I was feeling like being a Debbie Downer ... and because of that I would like to apologize to you before you read this.

Things I've Learned Thursday #4
{wah wah wah waaaaaaaah}

Not getting accepted into a program you really want too is way more depressing when you realize you don't really have a back up plan.
I have no one to go to Holiday Mart with this weekend *really sad face*.
My dip is not french onion and comes with no chips. LAME.

I'm sorry for being a loser guys. I know I was just complaining about it the other day (see: item 3) but I got a phone call today from Children's Mercy telling me that I did not get into the practicum program (despite the fact that I spent hours on my application and getting ready for the interview) and this call made me realize that I have NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.

I think part of it is that I have no clear idea of "what I want to be when I grow up" and I think the other part is that my mother is pushing me SO HARD in the direction of grad school that I have absolutely no desire to do what she says.

I think that tomorrow I am going to lock the boys I babysit for outside (I'm just kidding - I would never lock a child anywhere, I promise) and take a little time to sit down and think about what my ideal Plan A is. Then I am going to make myself dream up a Plan B and Plan C so that the next time I get rejected I won't be able to sit around and wallow about how I don't know what to do next.

Well wishes and Plan A, B, and C ideas are welcomed and encouraged. I hope you guys had a better week than I did.

I'm in a Dip (I wish it was french onion)

2009-10-21T02:19:00.000+11:00

"I think there’s a dip in life—a big dip, the king-daddy of all dips. If you were looking at it from a Hegelian perspective, it would be the antithesis phase, where every last bit of every idea put forth in the thesis phase got challenged. What I like to call the Sucks Ass phase. Because here you are, happy and carefree and connected, when all of a sudden—and generally, for a long, long time—things start seriously sucking out of nowhere, and everything you thought was true and possible becomes unclear and maddeningly out of reach."
- Colleen Wainwright, the Communicatrix

This is something I have been thinking about a lot lately for a number of reasons.

My mother is convinced that the best thing (the end all, be all best thing ever) would be for me to go to grad school. To the point that she has started researching schools, application processes and emailing the information to me.
I envy the enthusiasm my mother has for me going to grad school. I, however, remain unconvinced.
Getting a job - like, a big girl job (with a 401K and benefits) - seems like it isn't going to happen for years (mainly because to get a psych job you have to have an advanced degree - see item 1 and 2).
That whole, "life is fine and then starts sucking out of no where" thing. Welcome to my life.

I would like to think that taking a moment to appreciate the dip I have found myself in would help me create the momentum I need to get up and out of it. However, I still feel like the 'get up and out of it is "maddeningly out of reach".

Yes I know this is part of being a young person who is struggling to find their place in the world. I just wish that I had an idea of what I want to do, to be doing, 10 years from now. And I don't. Not even close. Which may be why I keep waffling on idea of grad school. Is it a good idea? Yes. Will I end up there eventually? More than likely.

I suppose the best thing for me to do right now is wait and see what happens with Children's Mercy. I can't think of anything better to do right now.

The Past, The Future and California

2009-10-15T16:31:00.003+11:00

I grew up in Reno. I moved to Kansas in 1996 because my parents felt the need to be closer to family (in Illinois and Ohio) but not too close so we didn't have to spend any more time with them than we wanted too.

I have always had a special place in my heart for the west. I love the dessert, the dryness (even if it also comes with tons and tons of nose bleeds. OMG.). I have so many happy memories of being little in west. I hear that the place where I lived as a kid is totally built up now and it hardly looks the same. And I know that the people who live in my old house park their broke-ass trucks on the lawn (thank you Google Street View) so I can't help but feel like the image I have in my head and the place I would be going to if I went back would be radically different.

But for some reason I still feel drawn to go back. Maybe not to Reno, but out west - California specifically. And I have to say that I can't help but think that the universe is trying to tell me something because I know more people in California than I do here (almost). BFF Hilda is there, so is my high school BFF Newspaper Bitch. And another friend (who currently doesn't have a bloggy nickname) just got a job out there.

It's a conspiracy I tell you.

It's hard knowing so many people that are spread out so far across the country. It makes me feel old, and I am far too young to feel old.

I don't really know the point of this post other than to talk about how much I wish I could move out there where two of my best friends are living (seriously, what are the odds??) and, to sound like a 16 year old, live the life I would like to be living.

Honestly though, it all depends on how my Children's Mercy thing pans out. I had my interview, it went well (the question I messed up: tell us 2 of your strengths and weaknesses. My weaknesses answer: I'm a nervous talker and I'm sort of shy. *face palm*), I will know whether or not I got in on or before October 22. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. This Child Life business sounds like it's my calling.

The "Why I Haven't been Posting" Post

2009-10-06T00:34:00.003+11:00

I know, I haven't been posting and here I come back with the type of post that everyone hates. But I have to say that this particular post has been rolling around in my head for about 2 months.

And I hate these posts too, but I just have to get this one out so that I can use the space it's been taking up to think about other important things like knitting projects and binge drinking. You have to have priorities.

So let's get into the meat of the matter:

I don't work at a desk anymore

Nannying doesn't allow much time for blogging the way that sitting at a desk all day does. However, I am working on perfecting my ability to balance a laptop, type and deal with a cranky baby all at the same time. It's a process.

Armini

There are only so many "Oh, I miss him so" posts I can write before people stop reading and I become totally disgusted with myself.
Then there's that question of what I can post about my single life because Armini gets my RSS feed (and no I have not been brave enough to just ask if he is still reading) and I don't want to post anything that might upset him because I'm nice like that.

My blog and my life

I needed a moment to figure out what this blog really is and how I want it to exsist within my life. Which I figured out (sort of). It's a process.

Whew. That was heavy and it's nice to have it off of my chest. I am now at a point where I can really start working on my blog(s) with a renewed enthusiasim. Dorky? Yes. But at least I'm excited about this again.

The Triumphant Return!

2009-09-04T10:34:00.002+10:00

I bet you thought that you would never see the return of this wonderful Thursday tradition. Let's just say that it took an internet vacay, like I did!

Things I've Learned Thursday #3
{ta-da!}

The hardest part of applying for my Child Life Practicum program was filing out the application. It took me a week of drafting answers and a full day of editing before I finished it.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking to yourself, "The interview is going to be waaaaaaay harder, just you wait". I've been babysitting since I was 15. I am a pro at interviews because I've only done about a million of them where I actually convince people to leave me alone with their children. Interview = easy peasy. Application = freak out button.

If I could choose to have one thing in my house from my apartment it would be my bed. OMG - my bed. It is old (older than me), it is perfectly worn in and the mattress topper that I have for it makes it into a bed that even Armini has told me that I should never get rid of.
The best, and most fun, way to insult someone is to take something random and stupid they say to you and then call them that. Like this:
Them: You have hat hair really bad.
You: You're a hat hair.
It's hilarious and so much fun to do. I had an entire conversation with my brother using insults tonight while I was cooking dinner. Quality time people. Quality.
HTML makes my head explode.
Project Runway = all that is good in the world.

So that's about it for me this week month. What about you guys? Learn anything worth sharing?

This One Where Super Careo Talks About Feelings

2009-08-31T13:17:00.004+10:00

Just FYI: This post is really, really sappy. Really, really, REALLY sappy. You have been warned.

Armini has been gone for almost one full month and in that time I have spent a lot of time thinking, for better or for worse, about the life I'm living now that he's gone and the life that I had this time last year. And in that short amount of time I have realized a lot of things. Mostly about myself and also about how these things that I realized about myself may have directly affected my relationship.

Today was a perfect fall day (in Kansas, it doesn't matter that it's still August), the sort of day that Armini loved. Just cool enough for jeans and a shirt, maybe a sweat shirt as the sun goes down. It made me miss him a lot. I thought about the apartment and how we would have had all the windows open to let in the cool air. I wondered what we would have done today if he was still here.

My mom asked me today what I would say to him if he called me tomorrow and said "I've made a terrible mistake, I'm coming home." I told her that I would tell him that he should hurry back.

I know that people say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, I never assumed that I would feel like that in this instance. I figured he would leave, I would be miserable, we would grow apart and I would eventually move on. But it seems like the longer he's gone, the more I think, the more I realize, and the more I realize that Armini means a lot to me.

The only downside to all this thinking (which, honestly I would rather not be doing - so if you're in the Kansas City area and feel like doing something look me up. I have nothing else to do. Clearly.) and realizing stuff is that it makes me miss Armini all that much more. Which you know, sort of makes it harder to think about the fact that he won't be coming home for another 10 months. But hey - one month down so ... hooray for that!

Saying all of this ... "out loud" is weird for me because I feel like it's stuff I shouldn't really be saying. I feel like I'm supposed to be all strong and not talk about the fact that I miss him and care about him as much as I do given the situation. Yes, we broke up. Yes, I am trying to move on. Yes, I am starting to think that this moving on business is going to be way harder than I thought it was going to be.

And besides, if I didn't post about this then I wouldn't be posting anything at all because this is pretty much all I've been thinking about lately. So there. Sorry if I got too sappy for you. I promise that we will be back to our regular type posting next week.

My Wednesday Anthology

2009-08-26T22:52:00.000+10:00

Since taking my internet vacay last month, I have been sloshing through my Google Reader desperately clinging to the hope that someday I will catch up with you all. Because you people post a lot and don't really care that I'm on vacay and are not reading all of your freaking aweseomeness.

So this is partly so that you can know that I am reading as fast as I can (really, I promise) and also because I felt like it. I was going to try and think of another somewhat legitimate sounding reason to create this post but then I figured that "because I felt like it" is a pretty legitimate excuse because this is my blog and the whole reason it exists in the first place is because I felt like it.

[end tangent]

Anyway. It's Wednesday and here is my anthology of bits of internet aweseomeness that tickled me pink and that I wanted to share with you.

Feature #1: Have you heard that Ben from No Ordinary Rollercoaster and Andy from Wild ARS Chase have teamed up again for another totally radical co-blog? And were you aware that this new co-blog is so awesome that they had to set up a stog (short term blog) for it? If not, you are missing out on something wonderful. Anyway, the horoscope for Aquarius was terrifying. Mostly because I know they were trying to be funny but pretty much hit it right on the head:

Aquarius: You want to take more initiative in your social life. Sign up for a Twilight book club, meet up with local World of Warcraft players and join a neighborhood crocheting club.

Feature #2: This picture from one of my favorite blogs, Secret Agent Josephine. Please note: I did not take this picture. Brenda did. I only wish I had taken this picture.

Feature #3: The idea of a Just Because box sent to someone you love just because (in case you hadn't already figured it out) that I got off of the lovely blog Cakies. I know a few people who could use some surprise love via the mail. I just have to stop being lazy and do it already.

Feature #4: I really don't have anything else right now. Truth be told it's actually Tuesday night (hooray for the ability to schedule blog posts!) and I am surprisingly tired considering it's only 10:05 pm and I read close to 300 blog posts today and I can't think of anything else that I loved loved loved. You know, except that one thing that you wrote the other day. I totally loved that.

Ahem.

The End

{ta-da!}

Take your Mom to Work Day

2009-08-26T09:57:00.003+10:00

Today I took my mom with me to work. Yes, you read that right.

It worked out because I nanny and my mom has this thing about snuggling little babies and I really like to ~~sit and let her do all the work~~ hang out with my mom and little babies at the same time. The schedule for the day looked something like this:

Snuggle time.
Sitting and rocking on the porch swing.
Make the baby smile, practice our coo-ing and giggling.
Snuggle time.
Watch Jurassic Park and snuggle.
Nap for 45 minutes.
Snuggle time.
SuperCareo knitting time/SuperMama uses some mom-type magic to make the screaming baby fall back asleep.
Shopping time (even though Mom didn't get me anything ... what a rip-off).

All in all, a good day indeed. I particularly liked the part when the screaming baby was being dealt with my someone other than myself. Plus I got some knitting done on my sweater which only has the one sleeve left until I seam it all together and then knit the collar.

Yes, I knit. I'll own it. Even if Hilda insists that I also need to acquire 20 cats and grow some gray hairs to go with it. Knitting isn't lame people. Just go click that link and then tell me that I'm knitting things that you would hide in your closet. I AM NOT A GRANDMA.

Ahem. Sorry about that. I just needed to get that out there.

An Award/Meme! It's so terribly exciting!

2009-08-24T06:29:00.003+10:00

Even after taking a month off from blogging, and having most of my posts since then been about Armini being in China, you people are still reading! And please don't think for a minute that I don't appreciate the fact that you're reading. It's really, really nice to hear people who don't know me at all outside of this blog tell me that I'm not crazy for feeling the way that I do right now. Or ever. Or something like that. It sounded better in my head, anyway.

Anyway, Full of Heart tagged me with my first ever blog meme/award thing. So, hurray for memes! And awards! And being tagged!

1) Who is the hottest Movie Star? Yes, you may think I'm a little weird for saying this but ... it's Peter O'Toole. Yes, he is old now but go watch Lawrence of Arabia and tell me that you don't think he's a good looking dude. And Carey Grant. And Brad Pitt (if we're being honest here).

2) Apart from your house and car, what is the most expensive item you have ever bought? The girl that I roomed with during my junior year at KU had her computer stolen at the first (and also last) party I ever threw, even though I had offered to put it in the trunk of my car for safe keeping because she had been worried about it. I was so upset that I offered to buy her a new one. We found a model she liked and I thought it would end up being around $500. Turns out she upgraded it so much that it cost three times that much. Plus, Dell charged a 33% interest on it when I had to finance it. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore.

3) What is your most treasured memory? This is so hard for me to answer that I have, literally, been thinking about it since yesterday and I still can't really come up with anything that I would consider the most treasured. But for the sake of putting something here I will say this:

The first time that Tim wagged his tail at me.
That time on our way to Vegas when I was in the car with the boys and Delay made me laugh so hard that I almost drove off the road.
The time in Texas, sitting on a boat with Armini and some friends (and a not-friend) thinking about how I was having the best and worst week of my life all at the same time.
Laying in bed on the phone with Armini when he told me, a little over three years ago, that he couldn't get me off his mind and he wanted to try and get back together. That was a good night.

4) What was the best gift you ever received as a child? This is also a tough one. I can tell you want it wasn't. It wasn't the Barbie Power Weels Corvette I still ask for every Christmas. Or the My Size Barbie that I'm still waiting for. But I would have to say that the best gift I ever got would be Clover, my Cabbage Patch doll. I didn't get her until I was 5 and the Cabbage Patch Kid craziness had died down. She's dirty and old and I love her just as much as I did when I was a kid. She is very good at keeping the monsters under the bed where they belong.

5) What is the biggest mistake you have ever made? I don't think I have a biggest mistake, per se. I do wish that I had done some things in my life differently though.

6) 4 words to describe yourself: messy, lazy (sometimes), hopeful, and easily amused

7) What was your highlight or low-light 2008? Moving home. Definitely moving home.

8) Favorite Film? This is a hard one. I love lots of movies. I would have to say that all time it would have to be Fern Gully. I can still watch it 6 times in a row without getting bored.

9) Tell me one thing I don't know about you: I am lazy, and I tend to sound sort of whiny, but really I am quite motivated. It just comes out at odd times. And also I give into peer pressure like that. Which may be good information to have in case we ever get to hang out in real life.

10) If you were a comic book/strip or cartoon character, who would you be? Ariel from Little Mermaid. I have always always always wanted to be able to turn into a mermaid.

Now for the tagging part ... let's see ...

Kim at Perfectly Cursed Life

RCaitlin at City Intern Girl Life

... And of course you if you are feeling so inclined. I know this is such a passive aggressive thing to do but honestly, I don't know very many people out in the blogosphere and I hate tagging people who don't know/read this little blog-o-mine. It makes me feel silly.

Due North

2009-08-22T16:25:00.003+10:00

It always surprises me how quickly my sense of self vanishes after a break up. It's like, one day your sad and the next day you wake up and you're still sad only now you have no idea what to do with yourself.

Which is what happened to me. You know, after the reset button on my life somehow got pushed.

I was at a point where so much had happened in such a short amount of time that I was overwhelmed to the point of losing my internal sense of direction. The sense of direction that propels you to go to that place. That place, of course, is different for everyone. Maybe that place is a fancy job, a career, or maybe it's a family. Maybe your internal sense of direction is pulling you in the direction of becoming the crazy cat lady for your neighborhood or trying to turn you into a giant hippie. You know, I'm down with whatever your place happens to be.

The last three weeks, I have had no real sense of self. No feelings of being pulled to be anything - even the crazy cat lady (although, to be realistic, I would probably end up being the crazy poodle lady).

You never really know how weird it is to not feel like that until you experience it. But the best part of losing that internal sense of direction is finding it again. Which I thought about tonight and was all ... "Well duh miss smarty pants. That's the only good part of losing anything."

But then I stopped and thought about it. Really thought about it. And I realised that it's not just about finding something that was lost. It's more about how it always finds you at the oddest and most obviously right moment and you're just over come with a sense of well being. Your internal sense of direction finally is pointing north again and you can move forward knowing that you're at least heading in generally the right direction.

The other day my dad was telling me about how he hoped that I either found a career that I loved or married well so that I could stay at home. And even though he wasn't trying to get me back on track, his words totally switched a light bulb on in my head and my Sad Little Ghost, who also took a vacation apparently, was all like ... "Let's do this!".

It's nice to at least feel like I'm back on track, even if there is still some grieving that I need to deal with. At least I know where I want to go.

Tonight is Hard

2009-08-17T14:16:00.003+10:00

Tonight I miss him.

Armini has been in China for a little more than two weeks.

So far I've been ok. Surprisingly so. I think that I did a lot of grieving for him, for us, before he left.

But tonight I can't help but think of that moment. The moment where I had to turn away from him in the airport. When he left.

Tonight is hard. Tonight I miss what I used to have. Tonight I don't know what to do with myself.

My Longest Relationship

2009-08-12T23:00:00.000+10:00

Is officially with this guy:

He beat out Armini for the spot by 3 whole months. Not too shabby, if you ask me.

Today is Tim's birth-a-versary. He is 7-ish years old and I have had him for 3 whole years. 3 wonderful years that have gone by much too fast.

Dear Timmer,

You have grown and changed so much over the last 3 years that sometimes I wonder how you were ever that scared little guy that I met at the humane society. I have enjoyed seeing you grow more confident, more friendly, so much and I still get excited with every one of your accomplishments.

I love snuggling you every night. I love waking up and having you be instantly in my face so excited to start the day. I'm not going to lie, I also love the fact that you like me the best of all the people you know. It makes me all warm in fuzzy inside to know that you like me so much more than other people.

Maybe sometimes you deserve your nickname Poopy Pants, but I still love you. I can't wait to spend another 3 years with you. You are my little snuggle muffin and I am so glad that we are going to be together forever.

I love you bunches,
Your Mom

PS - I really wish that you could read, then you would probably love me even more.

I'm going to call it an internet vacation

2009-08-04T02:05:00.002+10:00

So you may have noticed (or not, whatever) that I haven't posted here (or anywhere) in last month. A ton of stuff happened in my real life and it was overwhelming to the point that I needed some time to process it and some of the stuff was more "impending" than anything else and I was trying my best to live and enjoy my life in the moment. But now things have settled a little, all impending things have ... impended.

July was a big month. And when I say big, what I really should say is HUGE.

First off, I quit my job. It was something that I had been alluding too for a while, but I didn't want to mention it on the off chance that somehow my boss found out and decided to cut me lose before I was ready.
I moved out of my wonderful little apartment. You'd think that 6 months wouldn't feel like 2 months, but it did. Now I'm back at home with mom and dad. Yippee!
I ran my half marathon. Hilda and I managed to stay together the whole time, which was awesome, and I finished in under 3 hours which was the goal. Hooray me!
Armini and I went to Disneyland and then he left for China. It was a wonderful and incredibly painful week.

So, like I said, a busy month. And a lot of the stuff that I did was pretty emotionally charged. All in all I am ok but really, really tired.

I find myself at a place now where I don't know what to do with myself. Armini and I made the decision to not try and stay together while he's in China, so now I'm single to boot. It's almost like someone hit the reset button on my life. Which is something that sometimes excites me but also terrifies me.

I am overwhelmed and I don't know how to go about rebuilding my life. It's tough, but I know that I will get through it (although I have to say that I'm a little worried about the amount of chocolate ice cream I feel compelled to eat).

So, I may not be posting much, and when I do it might be kind of sad. I'll try to keep it upbeat and happy, but I'm a girl and it's hard for me not to get my emotions all over everything when I have something huge happening in my life. Be prepared.

Omigosh! It's Thursday!

2009-07-10T01:01:00.003+10:00

Holy cow people. It's been, like, two weeks since I last posted and that is mainly due to the fact that I had way better things to do than sit around and try to be all witty and charming on the internet. What is better than wit and charm on the internet, you ask?

WELL.

How about extreme tubing? Or watching bad chick flicks in the car with Armini's sister during a 9 hour car ride? What about making smores over a campfire next to a lake in Minnesota where Armini's family has so graciously allowed me to come and join in the family not once but twice (and the only reason it wasn't 3 times is because my own family guilted me into spending the 4th with them in Ohio last year. LAME.)

(Just kidding. I love my family. However, there isn't much extreme tubing going on in Ohio and I missed it. A lot.)

So, if you found your way over here last week because of a certain Item! Wednesday post made by one of my most favoritest bloggers evar Havi Brooks (seriously, I almost ran around the office in a fit of pure joy when I read it Wednesday morning), I would like to say WELCOME! My Sad Little Ghost and I are not at all sad that you are here and we hope that you will stick around. And just for the record, his ego has swelled a bit since we checked the analytics and the pages that mention him are now the top viewed content. He would like to say, "Thanks for making me popular!"

And for my 3 regular readers: I know what you came here for. And I will not disappoint you. I hope.

Things I've Learned Thursday #3
The Uber-Fun Two Week Edition
{ta-da!}

How to get my blog back into Google's Index. Exciting!! Now, I can finally start playing that super fun game where you look at the ridiculous phrases that people use to get to your blog. Literally, I cannot wait.
Uncle Bob is the most crazy extreme tube driver alive. My shoulders hurt for two days afterward. And: it was Totally Worth It.
If you should ever decide that your tiny dog isn't snuggling you as much as you would like, I believe I have found the solution: just leave them with your parents for a few days until they are convinced that you will never come back for them. When you do ... Snuggle Party!!
Sometimes making the right decision for you (personally, at this time in your life) is hard. But you know what's harder? Taking the decision and then making it a reality in your life. I have found that it comes with a lot of guilt, and bad feelings, and stress and stomach upset (for real).
Even though I hate McDonald's radio commercials, the one with the rapping snack wrap cracks me up. However, I think that may be because it reminds me of Doctor Evil rapping in Austin Powers [I can't remember if it was 2 or 3].
Not running for two weeks and then trying to get back into the swing when your half marathon is less than a month away and you still haven't run a whole 13.1 miles yet is probably the stupidest thing that anyone could ever do. I have found that it comes with a lot of bad feelings, and stress, and stomach upset (for real).

I hope that everyone had a happy and safe 4th of July. Did anyone learn anything good?

Things I've Learned Thursday

2009-06-26T00:03:00.002+10:00

Holy Cow! It's Thursday again already. And look! I'm making my second Things I've Learned Thursday post! Aren't you just so impressed/proud of me?

Truth be told, I have been waiting for this day all week. So ... there's a chance that this really could be something that happens forever. But then again, this could be last one you'll ever see. Don't get too attached people - you've been warned.

Things I've Learned Thursday #2
{ta-da!}

I might have a roommate! To live with! In the future! Isn't that neat? I think so!
Being a grown up is still pretty lame (but it's getting better all the time).
I am really excited for football season to start (it may have something to do with my irrational desire for winter to get. here. already.) because I saw the Miller Lite ad where the bartender lady is poring a beer into a glass and there is football commentary playing in the background (I tried to find it on You Tube with no luck) the other day and got goosebumps.

On a related note, I might be turning into a dude. I'll keep you posted on that one.

Hilda is 100% officially engaged (never mind that they had the wedding location and date set before he gave her the ring) and I don't even get to be in the room with her when she says "I do". SAD FACE/temper tantrum.

On a related note, does anyone out there know a spy or ninja? I really need some help getting into a wedding I'm not invited too.

And just so you don't think that my BFF is actually a bee-atch, the only people who will be in the room when she says "I do" are the parents and siblings. They're going to throw a huge reception bash that everyone ever is going to be invited too. At least I have free booze and dancing my face off to look forward too, right?

Woo-Hoo! Another Thursday, another few things learned. Tantrums were thrown. Dudification took place. And the hunt is on for someone to get me into that wedding (seriously).

What did you learn this week?

GiST 16/365

2009-06-24T05:32:00.002+10:00

#1. When I got in my car this morning, Sexual Healing was on the radio. Truly, a great way to start the day.

#2. Practicing some awesome procrastination annihilating tactics.

#3. Laughing really hard at The Daily Show and The Colbert Report over lunch and having Armini laugh at me because I'm laughing so hard. It was fun and felt really good.

#4. Convincing myself that being dizzy from the oppressive heat in my office after the air stopped working (for the second day in a row) is really fun and that it's just like being on a carnival ride.

#5. Looking around Etsy trying to find the perfect straw hat for the summer.

Visit Grace in Small Things

GiST 15/365

2009-06-23T02:06:00.002+10:00

Because my head is about to spin around Exorcist style if I don't take a second that stop thinking about all the ~~bad things that are happening in my life~~ the challenges that I'm dealing with right now.

#1. The eye drops that the vet gave me for Bing are doing exactly what they are supposed to do (this means fewer vet visits going forward, which, seriously, is totally awesome).

#2. Even though they are half a country away from me, I have some of the best friends that ever existed. (I'm looking at you Hilda and Ashley)

#3. SuperMama didn't yell at me in the frustrated voice-mail she left me yesterday (and I could tell that she wanted too). It's like she knew that my head was going to pop off if she did. I love my mom.

#4. Being pro-active about making meaningful changes in my life (no matter how small) that will hopefully lead me to long lasting (and, as far as I'm concerned, well deserved) happiness.

#5. Last night while watching Doubt with Armini, I recognized the old nun who was going blind as the same lady that played the librarian in the opening scene of Ghostbusters (it's true. He made me look it up to prove it.) Who's the film major now, be-atch?

Visit Grace in Small Things

PS - Armini: while I may have super-awesome, actress spotting and recognizing abilities I still recognize that you are the film major of the apartment. For now.

Things I've Learned Thursday

2009-06-19T00:00:00.003+10:00

I think this might be something that I do every week as a chance to look back and think about what I have learned about life over the past 7 days. And I here-do by solemnly swear that not all of the them will be mopey and depressing things (and if they are mopey and depressing things I will do my best to make my misery something that we can all laugh about). However, there's a good chance that I'll forget so it may be something that happens every other Thursday. Or maybe once a month. Or, if we're being honest with each other, you may never read another Things I've Learned Thursday post again.

And now that you have absolutely no expectations of me, let's get to the meat of the matter:

Things I've Learned Thursday #1
{ta-da!}

Oreos are best when consumed in groups of 3, 4, or 5 (and sometimes, when the occasion calls for it, 12). Extra deliciousness points are awarded if you are eating them after a good run where you're knees weren't screaming bloody murder the whole time (yay!)
Being a grown-up is, at times, the absolute lamest thing in the world. I can't believe that when I was little I actually couldn't wait until I was a grown-up.
How to embed a You-Tube video! It was awesome. Also, it was a total accident that I'm not sure I will ever be able to recreate. Sad face.

And that's all that I have for you today. Three little things. Three little not depressing or mopey things. And those three little things were quite a bit harder to think of than you might think. I think.

So, what about you? Did you learn anything this past week? Tell me about it! Or if you would rather, write your own What I've Learned Thursday post on your blog and then I'll link to it here. I promise that it will be awesome. Hooray for interactive posts!

Making Hairy Buts Cry is More Fun than you Might Think

2009-06-18T03:00:00.001+10:00

Have you ever had a moment (I know, there I go again with the Moment thing - only this time I'm talking about a moment in time not necessarily a Moment in time. Does that make sense? Um ... moving on.) where you walk into [a place], in this case it's my bedroom, and wonder how in the hell you let [that one thing that you always say you're going to do/take care of but never really get around too] get so out of hand, in this case it's the fact that I never clean, that you can feel the vein in your forehead start to throb a little?

No? Is that just me?

This is one of those days where I can hear my Sad Little Ghost screaming at me to get off of my butt and just do something about it.

And I think I may have figured out what was standing between me and my Sad Little Ghost all that time ... I think it's a Big, Ugly, Hairy But, BUHB for short (you can visualize that however you would like).

As I sit here, thinking about it, a whole bunch of Big, Ugly, Hairy Buts are rolling around in my head trying to block out my Sad Little Ghost and his wailing of "Clean your space! Free your mind! Put the vein in your forehead back where it belongs!".

There's the "But I have to take the dogs to obedience classes tonight" BUHB
There's the "But I need to spend time working on my budget tonight after obedience class" BUHB
There's the "But if I put in a load of laundry before I leave for obedience class, it will sit there forever and then it will mildew/piss off another resident and prompt a passive aggressive note that will make me feel bad" BUHB
There's the "But I won't have time to do my yoga tonight if I start this now" BUHB
And there's the "But I need to blog about this more than I need to actually do something about this" BUHB (which is not only my personal favorite but also what is really happening right now ... sad)

Too bad my BUHB-es (that's the plural, you know) don't know that I still have another 45 minutes before I have to leave for obedience classes tonight, which should give me just enough time to walk the dogs (very quickly), fold the towels and sort the laundry so that when I get back and I do a load and do my yoga at the same time - gasp! shock! awe!

I have to say that I usually don't like to make people/things/figments of my imagination cry, but the vein in my forehead sure does relax a lot when it see my BUHB-es weeping like little babies.

To the folding!

My First Conversation with my Sad Little Ghost

2009-06-16T08:52:00.000+10:00

(Just so you know, I originally wrote this post on June 4th but for some reason never hit publish. It's the conversation I had as a result of discovering my Sad Little Ghost in this post here.)

This Scene: It's about 10:00, I'm in bed about to fall asleep when I realize that I still haven't taken the time to talk to my Sad Little Ghost.

ME: I'm sorry that I didn't take the time to talk to you today.
SLG: It's alright. You need your rest (he pats my head).
ME: What? But ... Why are you being so nice about this if I've made you so sad? Now that I know you're here, don't you want to talk about it?
SLG: Well, yes. But I don't want you to lose sleep over it. You know that I'm here, and that's enough for today.

From this very short snippet of conversation I learned a few things about my Sad Little Ghost and his (yes, it's a he) existence in my universe:

#1. My Sad Little Ghost isn't haunting me because he wants me to feel bad about myself. It's a Sad Little Ghost because he's just trying to get me to the things that he knows (and for that matter, I know) would make me happy in the long run. He's sad because I don't listen to him.

#2. There is another something in my universe that was standing in front my Sad Little Ghost; blocking him from my view, making sure that I wasn't paying attention when my Sad Little Ghost would try to speak to me through Armini or SuperMama (or for that matter, anyone who would try to talk to me about this stuff). Something that was providing me with the excuses and tools to think that I was happy not listening to these things. I don't know what this something is quite yet ...

#3. My Sad Little Ghost is very nice and sweet and way, way, way smarter than me. I think that we are going to besties. Especially since he lets me sleep even when we really do have a lot to talk about and catch up on. And plans to make.

It's Beginning to Look Like I'm Losing it!

2009-06-11T06:15:00.003+10:00

Have I ever told you about how I feel sort of like I've suddenly come down with a huge, raging case of Teh Craziness? No? Well then.

I have a huge, raging case of Teh Craziness. Which, I suppose you could also call a quarter-life crisis, however, since everyone and their monkey in the 20-something set seems to be having one of these too, I don't want to call it that. Why? Because ~~I'm stubborn~~ I want to be different (also, I don't have a monkey ... yet).

Lately Teh Craziness has taken on a new and interesting shape (because, you know, it has Wonder Twin powers). It has chosen the form of ... me being really, really excited for Christmas to get here. I'll just let you sit with that for a moment.

Yes, it is June. Yup, December is still about 6 months away. Yes ... today I considered putting up some Christmas lights. I also spent a little time thinking about my list of people to buy for and what I think I might make/buy for everyone. I almost feel like a drug addict.

Ahem. Hello, my name is Super Careo and I am addicted to Christmas.

But really, I am not addicted to it. I mean, I love to give presents and Christmas time is my favorite "time" of the year. Seriously, what's not to like? But I am not a fan of winter at all. It turns normally good drivers into complete morons. And it's ~~miserably, depressingly, arcticly~~ cold. I do not do well in cold.

So today, as I was having these odd thoughts about Christmas shopping and light stringing, I stopped to think about why I was wishing for Christmas (I'm trying to get rid of all things that are following me around, like my Sad Little Ghost).

I ultimately decided that I am eager for December to arrive for a few reasons:

Christmas (DUH).
I get to skip all the time that would be spent in the office and all work related things
My trip to China to visit Armini looks like it's going to be happening in January, so skipping ahead to December means I don't have to wait for my trip AND all the money I need to travel will magically be in my savings account and ready to go! ... Right?

I think what it boils down too is that I know that next few months are going to ~~BLOW~~ ~~make me cry a lot~~ ~~be lonely~~ be challenging. Even though I'm sure that these coming months will probably also prove to be chock full of defining moments for me [and blah blah, insert inspirational bull here], I think I would rather just skip it all thankyouverymuch.

Unfortunately time travel hasn't really been invented yet, so I think I'm ~~screwed big time~~ stuck. I'm not looking forward to it (except for the part about Christmas - obviously).

And just so you know, plans are being made. Ideas being drafted. Momentum is building. Towards what you ask? Well ... it's one part I don't know yet with a pinch of I can't tell you.

(But mostly, it's because I don't know yet)

(Whatever it is though, I bet it's going to be awesome)

(Aaaaaand, you're welcome)

It's Been One Year!

2009-06-06T07:22:00.003+10:00

I love me some anniversaries. So much so (apparently) that I am not only having one here, but also at the other place that I blog sometimes (it's called Master of my Money) when I want to ~~cry over how much money I don't have in my bank account~~ talk about things that are much less interesting than the time that I broke up with Mexican Food or how I hate politics so much that I would be willing to move to a deserted island with a monkey butler to get away from it all (but seriously, who wouldn't want to move to a deserted desert island with a monkey butler?).

Anyway. Today marks the one year mark of this little internet hideaway. One year since I started to write about my life somewhere other than Live Journal (and no, I am not going to link to it. Much too much angst for anyone to handle that is over the age of 15).

If you are at all like me and have a thing for first posts, you can click right here and read it. I AM going to warn you however ... it's a little TMI. I even read it and thought to myself "Really? This is a lame first post. Maybe I should just link to this one instead. It's way more awesomer ... sort of". But I know you that you are probably smart enough that you would figure out that I lied and then I would be known as 'Super Careo: The Super Liar' and no one wants that.

Um ... well, yea. That's about it.

I would write some glorious post about how this blog has changed my life but I can't help but feel like the last month or two of posts have been really depressing. Or really long and involved and I would really like to try and lighten up the mood around here.

So instead, I'll just say this: If you have read this far down, Thank You for being a reader of my words (bonus points for clicking on links). I live for your blog comments. I live to read what you write. And I hope that someday we can be BFFs in real life.

Here's to another great year. Hopefully.

Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment, A Real Moment and a Ghost

2009-06-04T00:02:00.004+10:00

If you have read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I like to have Moments (with the capital M!). In fact, I have so many that I have a blog tag for them. I like to think it's because I am a deep thinker rather than the fact that I have so many due to the fact that I am a silly girl who is not yet well versed in the way of the world and the way that I interact with that world. Right? Well, something like that. I think. It made sense in my head, anyway.

Moving on.

This weekend I did not have a Moment. I had a Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment. Why would I call it a Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment? Well that is actually quite simple: I realized something that I have realized on many, many, many (times infinity) times before this last time that I realized it. Which sounds repetitive because this thing that I realized (again, for the eleventy billion-th time) is something that is a reoccurring theme in my life. You could even go so far as to say that it haunts me. It follows me around like some Sad Little Ghost that doesn't know what to with itself. If only the solution would be to hold a seance and tell it that it's ok to leave me alone now. Unfortunately, the solution is not simple (or even close to being that simple) or else I would have gotten rid of my Sad Little Ghost a loooong time ago.

Want to know what makes my Sad Little Ghost sad? I'm a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate. Always have been. Armini can attest to this.

{This is where I would normally start going on and on about how I don't mean to be a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate, but I'm TOO LAZY to stand up for myself. Plus, they are all excuses and this is about getting past the excuses to the root of the problem. Right? Right. Let's continue.}

My Not-Really-A-Moment, Moment (which, as a result of writing this very post may have turned into an actual Moment), is when I realized that the messiness of my living space is having a direct effect on the level of Teh Craziness that I am feeling in my life outside of my bed/apartment. It probably is also having a direct effect on how hard I find it to get out of bed in the morning (because I don't think that there are many people who are itching to jump out of bed in the morning when their life feels like it's spiraling out of control). But, like I said, this is not even remotely (not even a little bit) close to being the first time that this thought has crossed my mind.

It's also not the first time I have sat down and thought to myself, "What can I do to be a pro-active, organized, gem of a person/roommate short of moving home and having SuperMama yell (in a tough-love sort of way, of course) at me every day for being a lazy, messy, bum of a person/roommate?"

However, this is the first time that I have sat down and looked my Sad Little Ghost right in the face because, until I started writing this post (and not even until the second draft!) I didn't know that I was being followed around by a Sad Little Ghost. Well, I mean, I knew there was something, but I didn't know what it was until about 20 minutes ago.

{This Moment brought to you by Havi the Pirate Queen (@Havi on Twitter, if you're into that sort of thing) because she is awesome - and also, she has monsters and walls and encourages others to find their own versions of their stuck. /PSA}

So now I am in the process of working out a way to lay my Sad Little Ghost to rest, aka Step Two in my Brilliant Plan to rid myself of Teh Craziness (Step One is here). Which was the whole reason that I started writing this post, but now, because I have a Sad Little Ghost that I need to talk too, has been rendered useless. One cannot go about dealing with ghosts unless one first holds the seance to find out what they want or need in order to leave you alone.

GiST 14/365

2009-05-27T06:19:00.002+10:00

1. Chicken to eat

2. Internet to surf

3. Boyfriends to annoy

4. Dogs to snuggle

5. Knowing in your heart of hearts that everything really, really, really is going to end well

Visit Grace in Small Things

(and just so you know, I haven't died or locked myself in my bedroom {even though sometimes I think doing that would fix a lot of things}, there are posts coming ... promise!)

I'm Trying So Hard ...

2009-05-22T01:15:00.002+10:00

These past few months have been really hard for me. And overall, I think that I have handled them as well as anyone could be expected too.

But as a direct result of all the craziness, I feel like I have more or less lost control of my life.

I know that this will pass and I'm not sitting around wallowing in self pity (which is good because I know that I could, very easily, do just that). I am trying to be pro-active about regaining that sense of control. But how, exactly, does one get control of life when really (when you think about it) no one can ever control life. Or other people. Or anything (really).

And when I think about it, being able to control any of that stuff would be an awesome (and not in the "totally cool" way either; more in the awe inspiring way) responsibility that I do not want.

I don't want everything to go my way all the time. In fact, I think that would be pretty boring. You know ... I want to be surprised.

I also happen to know, for a fact, that there are several times in my life where, had things gone the way I had planned them to go, I would have missed out on some of the best things in my life currently:

If I had gotten my first choice in dorms my freshman year, I wouldn't have met JS who lived next door. We probably wouldn't have lived together the next year at Sigma Kappa and if that hadn't happened, I would have never met Armini.
If the Lawrence Humane society had updated their Pet Finder page regularly, I never would have called to see about the standard poodle and I would have never met Tim.
If Armini and I never fought (and really, don't all girls imagine having a relationship where they never yell at their significant other?) then I wouldn't have met Bing either.

I know that there are other wonder and delightful things in my life that came from things that went wrong, but I can't think of anymore.

But the point is this: Good comes from bad. Every winter everything dies and then every spring it all comes back to life. It's a circle right?

(Sometimes the best way to express yourself is through cartoon movie references, you know?)

Anyway. I'm sure that everyone feels like this at one point or another. I actually had a conversation with one of my co-workers this morning about how she feels like her life has been a little off kilter ever since her son was born (and it's not because she had a baby - just all the craziness that life has thrown at her and her family since then). It's conversations like that one that give me the courage to step up and try to get a foot hold in my life, even if it is speeding down the track completely out of control (something akin to this, only minus the flying off the track in a fireball at the end).

(I hope)

So, what do you have now that you wouldn't have had if everything had gone according to plan?

GiST 13/365

2009-05-13T03:54:00.002+10:00

1. Knowing that no one will judge me for only being on my 13th GiST when I've been doing it for about 3 months.

2. Having conversations with Armini that are deep (even if they end in tears)

3. Soft pillows

4. Snugly puppies

5. New car (soon)

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Dear John ... I mean, Mexican Food

2009-05-08T04:30:00.003+10:00

Dear Mexican food,

I have been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. I mean, you have to admit our relationship has been a little rocky the last few months. I thought we were getting along great. I was trying to branch out and try new things, you know, get to know you a little better.

But now this? I thought we were friends. I thought that our relationship might be going places . Come on, half of your food is served smothered in cheese and I LOVE cheese. I just don't understand why you had to start being so mean.

So, I guess what I'm really trying to say Mexican food is that I think it's time for us to go our separate ways. Clearly you don't seem to like me much anymore so ... I think it's time that we both go find people that we enjoy spending more time with. Although I'll be honest, I'm going to miss your cheesy delightfulness.

Yours,
SuperCareo

This is a pretty Lame Post

2009-05-04T23:41:00.004+10:00

(I use a lot of quotation marks in this post and I'm sorry but I felt it was necessary. Just imagine Dr. Evil doing it and then it will be less annoying than it would have been otherwise. At least, I thought it was funny. But that could be because I only got 4 hours of sleep last night and have only had one cup of coffee so far this morning. Now to the post!)

This weekend I discovered something about myself. I like refer to it as the "lameness quotient". This is how it works:

Every year you get older you get a little more "lameness" added to your "lameness quotient"
The "lameness" makes you tired, antisocial, and (obviously) lame.
The "lameness" continues to build until you're 80 and then all you do is sit around on your front porch yelling at the neighbor kids to get off your lawn.

Why do I bring this up? Well, the last few weeks I feel like my "lameness quotient" has skyrocketed. How do I know that it has increased? For starters I can't remember what I did on Friday night, which means that it had to have been a super lame night.

(Oh, I just remembered what we did and it was not a super lame night, actually. I guess that "lameness quotient" increases at a direct rate with "forgetfulness". BOO.)

Saturday night Armini and I went to see The Killers, one of my favorite bands in life. We were both dragging ass on the way there, perked up for the concert thanks to the beer we drank, and then dragged our sorry butts to the bar next to our apartment in an attempt to re-create the social life that we had before we made the terrible decision to graduate.

And do you know what we talked about? We talked about why we were so tired and about death and other equally depressing things. Hello ... LAME!

Plus, we went by ourselves which is an indicator of how many friends we have in the area. I don't know if I would count that as a "lameness quotient" indicator really however, because Arimini works nights and I work days which makes it hard for me to hang out with the friends that he has made at work; and while I love the people that I work with most of the them have kids and spouses and other lame things that they feel like they have to go home and take care of instead of coming out and getting wasted with me on Thursdays.

Sunday, we slept until noon. Got out of bed long enough to go to the dog park for a bit, had some dinner with his folks and then laid around the apartment talking about how we were both SO TIRED and then we watched Changling. Another indicator of an increase in my "lameness quotient" is that I can't watch movies where they hurt little kids without bawling uncontrollably for about 30 minutes after the fact.

I don't know that I am ready to deal with this level of "lameness" at this point in my life (for Pete's sake, I'm not even 25!!). I have to find a way to combat my steadily increasing "lameness quotient", and fast. If I have one more conversation with Armini about how we are SO TIRED (for reals, we had no fewer than 12 conversations this weekend about how we were tired), I am going to find a bridge and throw myself off of it. At least then I won't be sleepy anymore, right?

Anyway, I want some suggestions. How would you try to lower your "lameness quotient" after a weekend like this? As incentive for giving me suggestions, I will write one post a week (with pictures!) of me doing whatever you suggest - within reason. I'm not going out and getting a job a strip club, people. This is a PG-13 blog.

Cautiously Optimistic

2009-04-22T23:26:00.003+10:00

Yesterday was rough. I found out that a baby named Stellan had surgery on his little heart (you can read about the whole thing here), that the husband of one of my favorite knitting bloggers passed away, and I found out when I am leaving for Aunt Beach's funeral. I couldn't keep it together at work so I went home and spent time doing work around the house, baking and generally not thinking depressing thoughts.

This morning, however, I made a decision. I have decided that I will not get overwhelmed by all the bad juju that's floating around right now. I know that this too shall pass and that I am just going to have keep swimming until things start to look up again. And I'm not the only one it seems ... S over at a.little.bit.delirious feels the same way. Brooke knows what's up. And RS27 is always hilarious and never, ever depressing.

As I was getting my stuff together yesterday afternoon, I went and told some co-workers that I was leaving and one of them said, "This has been a rough year for you, hasn't it?". And it has been a rough year but also not such a rough year. I know that my year could have been much worse, I'm sure that I will have years that are worse in the future. But it made me think of all the things that are bad that are going to happen this year:

Armini is going to China in T - 3.5 months
My 102 year old grandfather is in the hospital with fluid in his lungs and it doesn't look like he will be coming home anytime soon (however, we have been doing the "this is the last [insert holiday here] that we will have with Papa" dance for only about 6 years now so ... there's always a chance he could make it to 103)
I am going to have to move in August
I have no idea where I am going to move to ... maybe home (weep)?

But there are also a lot of good things that are going to happen too:

I'm officially registered for the half marathon in San Francisco
My bib number for said marathon is one up from Hilda's (who is also running in the marathon)
I am going to be in the best shape in my life come July 26th
I am going to go on a bunch of trips this year (concerts with Armini, family reunions, San Francisco to visit Hilda, maybe Las Vegas this winter)
I get to get a new car in January (which is technically next year but it happens to be something I am really looking forward too, so I am listing it here)

See? Just right off the top of my head my good things list is longer than my bad things list. AND the good things list has a whole bunch of other things on it that are just lumped into larger categories.

The point of all of this is to announce to [you, myself, the internet] that I have decided to be cautiously optimistic. I will be ready to accept the blows, the bad things, the sad things but I am not going to allow myself to be ruled by the fear that something bad is waiting to jump out from around a corner. And so, I promise you readers that there will be more happy things on this blog than sad. I am going to do my part to clear the air of some of that nasty juju.

The Ebb and Flow

2009-04-21T03:02:00.002+10:00

And just like that life comes full circle again.

This weekend my Aunt Beach (name changed for the privacy of my family) passed away. While I would love to tell you all the details, it's not really my story to tell and on the off chance that someone who knows my family finds this post, I don't want them to get all "why would you put that out on the internet for strangers to see??". So please forgive me for being uber-vague about the situation.

Aunt Beach and myself enjoying the open bar at my cousin's wedding last summer. Yes, I am wasted in this picture, thanks for asking.

She was a lovely and super creative lady. I am so very sorry that I didn't take the time to get to know her better or to send her a card or ask her to teach me how to be as awesome an artist as she was. Just the last time we were at her house I realized that we both really like to decorate our houses in a 1950's-esc style and we had roamed around her house admiring her flea market art finds and I gushed about how I loved everything.

It makes me sad that I now have to use the past tense when I talk about my Aunt Beach. She is the first family member that I have known well that I will have to bury. Well, I won't have to bury her, but I'm going to be there when it happens ... you know what I mean. For Pete's sakes, I still have all of my grandparents! It boggles the mind. And while I know that I will never be able to give my Aunt Beach another hug, or hang out with her at the reunions, I still can't wrap my mind around the whole thing. I have never had to deal with death so close and it is confusing and scary and sad that I have to learn with my Aunt who should have been around for a lot longer.

There is a lot of bad in the world these days. This economy and all the doom and gloom from Washington about how "it's going to get worse before it gets better" isn't helping. Not only should you be holding your children close, but now is the time to reach out to your family. Tell them that you love them and then start planning the reunion. Seriously. If there was ever a time to start spending time with the people that you love, now is that time. We need to spread a little love to make all the bad juju in the air not quite so bad.

Sometimes I just have to stop and think about how awesome I am.

2009-04-18T01:06:00.004+10:00

I know, the title of this post is the polar opposite of my post from last Monday. But such is the natural ebb and flow of life. In one week you may feel like your life is literally crumbling around your ears and end that same week feeling invincible. It doesn't mean that the bad things that happened are any less important, but just that life marches on and most times you will find a little sunshine mixed in with your doom and gloom (even when you try really, really hard not to).

I have been meaning to start posting a little more about my half marathon training (or the training that I am currently in to get in good enough shape to be ready for the actual half marathon training) and after my run last night, I am motivated to.

Armini is my trainer/workout maker since he did that whole cross country thing in high school, plus the soccer and the fact that he has run a WHOLE marathon. Plus, I don't have to pay him money (waggles eyebrows) so it works out for everyone. For the past three weeks I have been doing a combination of swimming, yoga and treadmill running (yes, I know that it's not the same as running outside but it's still cold here. I don't run outside in the cold) which started at 30 minutes a go and has now increased to at least one 45 minute run a week.

Last night I did my 45 minutes ... and I covered 4.3 miles. That is the longest I have ever run. EVER. PLUS, I warm up and cool down but I don't count it towards the 45 minutes. I'm not sure why exactly except that I feel like such a bad ass when Armini asks me how long I ran and I can say "45 minutes exactly dude, no walking" and then have him be impressed. It gives me a sense of pride. And yesterday I challenged myself to work on my endurance at a faster pace by running at a 5.0 treadmill speed for 25 minutes sandwiched between 10 minutes of running at 4.5 treadmill speed. I didn't die, I didn't walk until I was supposed to AND one time I went almost 10 minutes not staring at the clock waiting for the minutes to tick by (this is a big step for me). AND it was a good run overall and my favorite songs came on during my cool down so I got to dance a little while I was walking, which is AWESOME.

Although, while I was dancing I noticed a guy sitting on a bench outside the window where he could plainly see me flailing my arms on the treadmill. But that didn't stop me. I dance like nobody's watching! All the time! It's awesome!

But I am feeling quite proud of myself and thought I would share. Go Me!

The Pity Party

2009-04-14T07:29:00.004+10:00

Sometimes I wonder how any of us manage to maintain a pleasant demeanor in the world. How to make it from one day to the next without losing our minds? Or our faith? Or our humanity?

Not only have I been reading about the loss of some beautiful babies this week, but I just got a phone call from my co-blogger on Master of my Money and she is in a bad state. I won't go into details because it's not my story to tell. But let's just say that it was the straw the broke the camel's back in a string of crappy goings on.

Plus, Hilda is having troubles out on the west coast. It hurts me that my friends are all so sad and that I can't always be there to hug them, feed them chocolate ice cream, and share in their tears. It just doesn't seem fair.

None of it is any fair.

Tonight I am having a pity party with Ash. Hilda will be joining us on skype. There will be chocolate ice cream and tears and general wallowing in our misery. But we will be doing it together. And maybe tomorrow we can move on to something better. Something happier.

You know ... I think I might move forward with my Pity Party idea. Everyone deserves a moment to vent.

Me? Armini going to China. The panic that it creates in me deep, deep down. Not knowing what I am going to do without him around. The fear that if we stay together, it will destroy our relationship. The fear that if we break up, we will never get back together. And the fact that this is going to happen, whether I want it to or not, in about 3 months.

Now it's your turn ... what do you want to cry (or vent) about?

Like sping cleaning, only smellier

2009-04-09T10:19:00.001+10:00

While I was in Florida, and Armini was taking care of the puppies, there was an incident. The last two days I was away Tim and Bing thought that it would be a really, awesomely good idea to excrete all over the floor of my room. There was a lot wee and a little poo. And when I got home on that Thursday, I almost threw up when I opened the door to my room. I have worked in a kennel before and I have NEVER smelled anything so foul as my bedroom on that night.

It smelled so bad that you could smell it even when the door was closed. SERIOUSLY. I had a little sit down with the dogs so that I could tell them about how totally not cool it was that they had made my room stink in such an unholy way. They wagged their tails and licked me. That's when I noticed that they smelled pretty bad themselves. They got baths that night. And Armini got a roommate for the next few days.

Last weekend I rented a steam cleaner and steamed the crap out of my carpets. This is what our living room looked like for about two days (because, you have to steam the carpets and then wait for them to dry. Which I'm sure you knew already. I really like to state the obvious):

Everything that was in my bedroom, all in the living room.

And the Rug Doctor Working hard. 1 and 1/2 gallons at a time.

At the end of the day, my back hurt, the apartment was a mess, and the dogs found some new homes for when they are home alone during the day (their kennels). And my stuff is still all over the apartment, just hidden away in nooks and crannies where people who haven't see our apartment before wouldn't really notice that [the thing] is out of place. But Armini knows.

But sometimes when I walk past my open bedroom door I catch a whiff of that smell. That urine stink that makes me want to gag (only now it's worse because I soaked the carpet with Febreze a few times and so now the stink is mixed with that "breath of fresh air" smell. Which is truly a lot worse than you can imagine). So I am turning to you, my reader(s?), to tell me what you think I should do. I have already crawled around on my hands and knees sniffing the legs of everything that was on the floor during "the incident", and really nothing smells. I don't understand where the smell could be coming from ... and the dogs have not marked since I steamed the carpets because they're either following me around like tiny shadows or they are put away in their kennels.

A real time picture: This is what is sitting in my lap right now. They are just SO snuggly!

HALP!

GiST 12/365

2009-04-09T01:15:00.004+10:00

1. The first lawn mower of the season making a racket outside my office window

2. SuperMama telling me that Bing is a wonderful dog and that I should let Armini take Tim with him to China (which is NOT going to happen)

3. Not putting off the cleaning

4. In my very immediate future there is a bed frame

5. Planning the perfect Easter dinner

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Longing, Wanting and a Pity Party

2009-04-08T02:35:00.003+10:00

Sometimes I look around in the world/in my life/on the internet and I see all these people who are doing things that I would love to be doing. I feel this longing in my chest that makes me want to find a way to do these things that I dream about doing. I want to learn how to be so awesomely, awesome at everything. And when I start down the road to being awesome, sometimes I get really frustrated when I'm not awesome at [whatever] right off the bat.

(You might be reading this and thinking that you may have heard this before. Or maybe more than once? Well, this is what has been on my mind lately. Sorry for the broken record posts, I'm trying to write about other stuff too)

I am taking steps, and looking into new things, learning how to do other stuff. Fun stuff. Creative stuff. Practical stuff (which is usually lame, but in this case not so much. Or at least, that's what I think). I think I may have decided that I would like to try and be a blogger and make money off of it. Which is a laugh right now, because you need people that read your stuff regularly AND you need to write well AND you need to write about things that are interesting and different and not keep complaining about your life and how you're frustrated with the state that it's in at the moment (right?).

I would really like to be able to work at home, in my PJs if I wanted to (but I wouldn't really because that is SO unprofessional and I am the very embodiment of professionalism). (Pffffft, I almost managed to say that with a straight face).

And that's really all I wanted to say. I suppose that a blog that is comprised largely of posts where the author (yes, I DO think of myself as an author - so should you! It makes you feel pretty awesome) makes these sorts of "verbal" self proclamations isn't the worst sort of writing.

AND I had an idea for a group post, maybe, it's still evolving. But here is the basic idea of it, let me know what your thoughts on the matter are:

I want to have a pity party. I know a lot of people who have had/are going through some really tough/sad/suckey/frustrating/generally disappointing times right now and I think that we all deserve a moment to pout about it and have other people pat us on the back and say "You poor thing. Here, have another pint of Haagen Dazs". In my experience, an hour or two wallowing in self pity can help a lot in the process of moving on to bigger and better things.

Do you think you, or someone that you know, would be willing to participate? Would you want the post to be anonymous? Is this a super lame idea? Like I said, I would really like to hear your thoughts on the matter.

The Conditional Confession of the Mess Maker

2009-04-07T03:21:00.003+10:00

Last night, while Armini was scolding me for being a messy roommate (according to him I had 80 thousand things that belonged to me laying around in the dinning room/living room) he compared me to his old roommate who shall remain nameless. However, this roommate was a total slob and really liked to leave his dishes out on the kitchen counter to collect ants during the summer time (which I do not do; I am a ~~little~~ totally OCD about keeping my kitchen clean).

And, ok, I will admit that I have been a little more messy as of late. But most of it is from the "spring cleaning" I did (post with pictures coming soon!) and the reason that it's going back into my bedroom so slowly is because it must have a home to go back too, otherwise it has been sitting in the same place waiting for a spot to open up. And maybe I have a problem with just dropping my stuff on the couch when I get home after work ...

But when he compared me to his old roommate (and, I might add, I was cleaning the kitchen when he said this) my head almost swiveled all the way around. I looked at him and told him that if he wanted me to start living like [roommate] then I would be more than happy to show him the difference. At least I clean the bathroom!

*sigh* - I will admit that I am a little bit slobby, but since half marathon training training (yes, I am so out of shape that I have to train for the actual training part) started, I see a mess and suddenly get the feeling that my head is going to explode. It's all about the time, as in, I am too busy training [myself - the dogs] to spend any significant amount of time cleaning.

I am torn between wanting to admit that it's my fault and that there is no excuse for the little messes around the apartment, but at the same time I feel like there are things beyond my control that are helping add to the mess. Which, overall, makes me feel bad for being the messy roommate. I mean, honestly, aren't the guys supposed to be the ones that make the messes?

GiST 11/365

2009-04-03T06:30:00.000+11:00

1. A clean living room

2. A clean bedroom

3. The fact that I made sure that when I took stuff from the living to put it back into my room, I MADE myself put everything in its place before I brought in more stuff.

4. Self realizations

5. Mom's fabric stash built up over decades, and now ripe for the picking

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The Gloves are Off

2009-04-03T01:28:00.004+11:00

Alright FINE. FINE INTERNET. I get it. I'm wasting my life doing NOTHING. I GET IT ALREADY.

I am constantly online looking at the super-fab crafty accomplishments of the bloggers around me and with one pattern, one adorable Easter bunny pattern, Amy Karol over at Angry Chicken put me right. over. the. edge. AAAHHH!

So now the gloves are off. I am ready to tackle all the tiny projects that have been floating around in my brain. I AM SO READY. And so is my sewing machine. It's been ready since last Christmas (or the one before?) when I unwrapped it. Well - after the first time I took it into the Bernina store to figure out what the heck was going on with my thread tension. But now it is READY TO ROCK.

So readers you better prepare yourself for some pretty rocking finished object pictures. Some of them may be so cool they will melt your face off. Others will probably be pretty lame. But I don't care. You can't have FO (that's an abrev for finished objects, FYI) without a FO, which you won't have unless you JUST FREAKING DO IT. Which something that I have not been doing. But I can't take it anymore.

LET THE CRAFTING COMMENCE!

A Tale of Two Puppies

2009-04-02T02:35:00.006+11:00

A girl and her two dogs at power hour prom (my friends and I do costume/theme parties. Do not judge, because I know that secretly youwish you could have come too. And really, I wish youcould have. The more the merrier, am I right?).

I love my dogs dearly. Yes, sometimes they make my head feel like it's going to explode, but most of the time they make me feel loved and happy. So, when I saw that Ben from No Ordinary Rollercoaster and his other blog, Who's Your Dachshund, has set a goal to raise $5,000 for shelters in the US and Canada, I knew that I had to do my part.

Rather than just sit here and be all like "donate bitches", I'm going to do this in the style of one of those sponsor a poor kid from another country (something else you should think about doing, and you can contact me if you want to talk about it) and tell you some sad, sad puppy stories (stories about my own two puppies) to inspire you to help out other poor, sad, cold, lonely and scared puppies all over 2/3 of North America.

Since I have TWO dogs and TWO sad stories (and these stories are kind of long) I am going to split this into TWO posts to give you TWO more opportunities to forward posts to your friends, or maybe just to give you an incentive to come back again and read more of my stuff.

The Story of Tiny Timothy Jaws Reesing

My dog is so popular that he once beat out a human for
Power Hour Prom King. And no, I am not joking.

Tim and I met at the Lawrence Humane Society in the summer of 2006. I called to ask questions about the poodle (who happened to be a standard) on their Pet Finder page and the volunteer on the phone was more than happy to talk to me about him. We were having a nice chat when I asked her if they had noticed any signs of separation anxiety (we have a standard that will destroy everything in his path if he is left alone; lately he has started to eat books) even though I knew that really, in a situation where the animals are so stressed out, there is pretty much no way to tell.

"Oh," the volunteer lady said, "He seems content to walk on his own but I'm sure that he wouldn't mind be carried around everywhere if you wanted to."

"Wait a second," I said, slightly confused. "I'll calling about the standard poodle you have listed online."

"Him? Oh, he was adopted a few weeks ago." She told me.

"Ok then. Who are you talking about?" I asked her.

She then proceeded to tell me about a sad little pup who had been brought in a few weeks ago and had just been transferred into the part of the building where dogs get treated for any medical conditions before they go out onto the adoption floor. He was a small poodle who had been found running down a street on his own without a collar, spray painted completely blue (just even thinking about it makes me choke up a bit), and was still a little green from all the baths that he had been given.

I was driving home from work at the time and told her that I wanted to come up right then to meet the dog but that I would probably get there a few minutes after they closed. Was there any way that someone would be able to stick around and let me in? She was more than happy to tell me that while the doors close, the whole staff has to stay to clean out kennels and feed the animals so I would be able to come meet him no problem.

I sped the whole way. I had just moved into my apartment where I was going to live by myself and I was really hoping for a little, furry roommate to help keep me company and scare away the monsters that live under my bed. I was so excited.

Walking into the "half-way room" I remember that Tim was the only dog that didn't bark. He stayed in his kennel in the back corner, trembling and looking generally like he wanted to die. The people at the shelter had named him Jaws, because he was so little and he had nipped at a few of male workers. The dude that was in there with me just thought the name was hilarious. He came out of his cage willingly (tail placed firmly against his butt) and we took him into the hallway so that I could spend a little bit of time with him.

When I set him down on the floor, he tried to slink away to the door to escape. But I scooped him up into my arms and I felt him shiver a little less. While I don't remember him licking me, odds are good because the dog licks everything that moves. Sometimes when he can't find anything to lick, he will just lick the air. No joke. Ok - moving on. So, we put him back in his kennel, I filled out an adoption application and promised that I would be back soon to see him.

The second time I went to see him I had my mom with me. We couldn't take him out of his kennel because he had been diagnosed with worms and we couldn't get him to move out of the back corner of his kennel. Mom thought that "his wiener was too big" (I'm not kidding, that's really what she said. Turns out that it was because he was about 3 pounds underweight). She told me that I shouldn't get him and start looking for a breeder in town. When I told Tim that I would be back he bared his teeth at me. Later I found out that Tim is a smiler and that he was smiling at me.

I went to visit him every week for about a month, trying to decide if he was really my dog (the year before I had adopted an Elk Hound mix and we ended up not liking each other much, so I wanted to make sure the next adopted dog I brought home stayed there). I also spent a lot of time on the phone with the director of the shelter talking about what sort of special needs Tim would have due to the fairly obvious mistreatment and abuse he had suffered. She also told me that I should think about getting another dog. I told her I was going to think about it some more.

The day that I KNEW that he was mine, we were outside in one of the runs the shelter has. We had been going outside when we could since he had gotten rid of his nasty worms. We would just sit, me cross legged with him in my lap, looking around. This particular day my phone rang and it scared him so he ran across the pen and stayed there looking at me while I talked on the phone for a minute. When I got done, I went over to pick him up ... AND HE WAGGED HIS TAIL. I hadn't seen this dog act happy at all, not even for a second, since the first time I had met him a month before. We went right in and told the nice ladies that he was coming home with me that day.

The thing I will never forget about bringing him home is the second that we were walking out to my car, and he realized that we weren't going to be going back into the shelter. I was carrying him and the shivering just stopped. I could feel all the tension drain out his butt in a little puddle that we left in front of the shelter door. (Oh maaan. Getting choked up again.)

I tried to keep his name Jaws, but it doesn't fit his personality, so I changed it to Tim but thought that Jaws was too cute to loose so we kept it as his middle name. Reesing was added a few months ago when Kansas beat Mizzou in the annual Border War football game at Arrowhead Stadium. Because really, Todd Reesing is awesome and I love him (Todd - if you're reading this, CALL ME) and he's awesome. And cute and strong and smart and ... ahem. Sorry about that.

The dog that you see in that picture up there is 100% different than the dog that I brought back to my apartment in on August 12, 2006. He barks now (he didn't make a single noise for the first two months of our co-habitation), he will walk up to strangers and let them pet him (most of the time, but we're working on it), he likes men now and loves one in particular (hello, Armini!) and, if you catch him on a really good day, he will let you pick him up.

I wouldn't trade Tim for anything in the world. But without the shelter in Lawrence, we never would have found each other and these places need money to pay for all the supplies they use on a daily basis. I know how much my dogs cost (see the links above) and if I ever had to deal with the bills that come into a shelter, I very well could go insane. Even a little bit will help ... so think about it. And while you're at it, you should probably also think about adopting your next pooch. They make the very most wonder and devoted dogs. Trust me on that one.

Don't forget to come back next week when you will get to read all about my other puppy, Bing and his adoption story!

GiST 10/365

2009-03-31T01:19:00.001+11:00

1. Payday
2. Cookbooks
3. Grocery shopping at 9 pm
4. New self-commitment
5. Making new friends

Girl Jelly Redux

2009-03-28T03:04:00.004+11:00

Thank God for my friend Hilda (even though she is officially living in California now, which is SO NOT COOL HILDA). I mean, sometimes I wonder how I survived my younger years without her around.

Although, now that I think about it, we would never have been friends before the time that we became friends. Most probably she would have made fun of me along with everyone else in elementary/middle school and we never would have moved past the occasional passing glance of "I am not a fan of you" in the hallway.

So. I guess I'm glad that it all worked out that way. Moving on.

I was talking to Hilda last night about my whole day of insecurity and how I had questioned myself in the car on my way home and how my answers had really, really surprised me. And then she totally told me why I felt the way I did. And she was totally right. And I was surprised by the answers (again) and I made some decisions. I made some ... commitments to myself. I now have a mental list of things that I want to do, FOR ME. And then I totally had a moment.

I still am kind of having a moment. It's weird to spend so much time working on something and then realize that maybe you are going about it (e.g. my life) in a way that works but may not really be the best way to go about it overall. (That makes no sense what-so-ever. I'm not even sure that I understand it, even though I just wrote it.)

But isn't that the way it goes, the words just sort of tumble out? When you have these sorts of moments when you feel like the light bulb in the closet of your life finally got turned on and all of a sudden you understand where to find that one thing that you were digging around for in the first place? (Again with the totally weird sentence that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Sorry about that). I am trying so hard to describe this moment that I had ... without going to any sort of uber-graphic detail.

Even though I don't know why I don't want to go into any graphic detail, I mean, I am writing this on the internet where anyone can find it and read it.* So I suppose I will go into graphic-er detail for you (but not all the way because that would require the telling of some very long stories and delving into a part of a year of my life that I am not a huge fan of talking about.) OK? OK. (wow - I am feeling a little manic right now. Must have been the two cups of coffee).

Armini is going to China. He will be there for 10 months teaching English at a university somewhere (we don't know where yet, but should know sometime during the first week of April). I will not be going with him. That is the part that troubles/confuses/scares me.

I have been feeling more and more as of late that I don't have a handle on the China situation. I do know that I want him to go and I want him to have fun, and I want him to live his life so that he won't look back and wonder what could have been and I don't want him to end up resenting me for trying to make him stay (which I have never even thought about doing). But every now and then I have these moments when I feel like my life is slipping away and that I have to hang on very, very tightly or everything that I have now will dissolve (which I know that it won't, I don't think the dogs or my apartment are going anywhere on their own). And that is where most of my issues have been stemming from.

But the light bulb moment that I had was that I realized that I am deeply jealous of him and his willingness to say "I want to do this, so I am going to do this and I will deal with the fall out when it happens" (Even though I think that last bit is a very girly sentiment to have. I'm sure that the word 'fallout' has never even crossed his mind in relation to the whole picking up and moving thing). And it occurred to me that I have not allowed myself to have those sorts of thoughts outside a day dream (I mean, who doesn't day dream about moving to Hawaii and getting a job at a resort and spending all your free time at the beach, right?). I have never really allowed myself to consider, really consider, just doing [whatever].

For instance, I really like to knit. But I haven't really dedicated myself to it. And even though I really want to go to Sock Summit in Oregon this summer, I have never really, really thought I would because it's so far away and I have a job, and what about the dogs, and blah blah blah. Or, I have always wanted to get a job at Disneyland. But where will I live? What about the dogs? Blah blah blah.

One of my Resolutions this year was to say yes to doing more fun things. I think that it's high time that I stop worrying about EVERYTHING ELSE and do the fun things, even if it means that [insert lame excuse here] is just going to have to keep its pants on until I get done doing the fun thing.

I am not married, I do not have children, the dogs travel well and my parents are always willing to care for them if I need them too, so what the heck is holding me back from just going out there? I know what it is: ME.

And she is just going to have to move the hell out of the way so that I can live my life and have fun and not have to look back when I'm older and wonder what could have been if I had just gotten off of my high horse and done it. And I don't want to be that person who secretly resents her friends for all of the adventures they got to have before settling down to have a family.

WHEW. Like I said, I had a MOMENT. Thank the sweet Lord that I have a friend like Hilda to point me in the direction that I needed to be in to realize this. Seriously ... she is like the best friend I have ever, ever had. Oh man ... now I have something in my eye (no I am not tearing up at work. I would never do a thing like that).

My first act of putting myself before others and having a bit of fun: Drinking a beer while working. The work fridge is stocked and it's beer Friday (please ignore the fact that it's 11:34 am).

*Once upon a time, when SuperCareo was just a tender, innocent youth and was setting up her first AIM account and the internet was brand new, SuperMama told her that everyone who reads what you write on the internet was actually only interested in luring you to a meeting spot where no one can hear you scream so that they have have their way with you, murder you and hide your body in a barrel behind their lake house (am I right Ashley?). As a result, SuperCareo has always been a little timid when it comes to publishing her life on the web. She is currently working on it, ok, so give her a break. She is doing the best that she can already.

SuperCareo, a towering mass of Jell-o

2009-03-27T01:00:00.003+11:00

I like to think that I am a pretty strong, easy going kind of girl. The kind that doesn't freak out when she hangs around with people who are skinnier than her, the kind of girl who doesn't wear a lot of make up because she knows she doesn't need it, the kind of girl who knows who she is, knows that she's beautiful and knows that she is loved and accepted.

But every now and then, something (usually something really small that no one else would even think twice about) will get to me and I turn into a mass of indecisive, insecure, self loathing girl jelly. And it happened to me yesterday.

I woke up with a nagging of insecurity (Should I wear this? What is my hair doing? What is my skin doing? Why am I so fat?) because of a very, very small incident* with Armini. Something that shouldn't have made me upset, but it did. I tried to brush it off, like I do with 90% of everything that bothers me, but you know that feeling that gets caught in the pit of your stomach on mornings like this one, the feeling just wouldn't go away.

The morning was fine ... and so was lunch. But for some reason, at about 4:30, the whole thing just crumbled. I just sat at my desk thinking about how I suck at everything, and how I wasn't pretty enough or good enough or anything enough.

Sometimes I feel like life is moving at a pace that is different than I am, it makes me feel like I don't have any control over what's happening around me and I know that stresses me out. I know that life at the apartment is a little stressful right now (while I was in Florida and Armini had the dogs, they peed ALL over my bedroom floor and it smells so bad that I can't go there for longer than I can hold my breath - so I'm living in the living room). I know that this will pass, I feel confident and normal today, but sometimes I wonder why it is that I give in to all of my nagging insecurities. Or why I have them in the first place.

Is it just something that girls do to themselves? Always feeling like they have to be the best in order to prove that they are good enough? Who do I feel like I have to impress? Why do I feel like I have to impress them? It's very weird to sit and think about the answers to these questions ... my answers surprised me. I wish there was some way to make these feelings just go away. I suppose it's just part of growing up.

At least I hope that it's just part of growing up, I don't know that I could handle having days like yesterday forever.

*Using the word incident makes it sound like something out of the ordinary happened. Really, the thing was something that has happened tons of other times, but for some reason really bugged me. I like the word incident.

The best of times, the worst of burns.

2009-03-17T12:00:00.005+11:00

I have two new things to report:

My legs are burnt. A lot. So much so, that I feel that I can now honestly say I know how an extra crispy drumstick at KFC feels.
Tim had some blood work done today and although it looks like he has an ulcer, there is no permanent damage done to any of his tiny dog parts as a result of eating almost a month's worth of Bing's arthritis medication.

I can has all of my bruthers pain killers?

I Heart Aloe

2009-03-15T07:38:00.003+11:00

So far Florida has been wonderful. I think that it's treating me quite well.

Although it seems to be a little burny and a little itchy.

But that's what you get when you are as pale as the day is long and don't wear any sunscreen (although today I did, in an effort to make sure that my shoulders didn't fry off of my body). I was under strict instructions from Hilda and Armini to come back with some color. Maybe they should have been a little more specific about what color they wanted to me to come home with.

I just had a moment.

2009-03-14T12:03:00.003+11:00

I am the sort of person that, when I get an idea in my head, I become pretty much obsessed with that idea. Beanie Babies? Yup. Marriage? Yup. Babies? Yup. Monsters under the bed? Double yup (I still sleep with my cabbage patch doll and an alarm clock that is really bright because I hate the dark).

But tonight I had a moment, and I realized something about myself. A realization that set me back on my heels.

I do not want to have kids anytime soon.

Now, I can understand how you could read that and think "Well, yea. I don't want to have any kids right this second either." But seriously, let me tell you something. I used to want a baby real bad. Like: really, really bad. Part of the reason that I babysit as much as I do is because I love to spend time with other people's kids and spend a few hours pretending that their kids are actually my own. (Please don't judge me for that last comment. I swear I am a good sitter and I really do enjoy spending time with the kids I sit for).

Since Tuesday I have been in Florida babysitting for a wonderful family with a pair of super cute, wonderful kids (and that is not sucking up at all - it warmed my heart when H told me today that lunch by the pool meant that it was the "best Florida ever").

But after two days of dealing with a level of excrement that I have never had to deal with, doing battle with a clogged toilet with the tiniest plunger in the world as your only ally, and a baby that will not go to sleep in her own bed (and is a kicker so I don't really want her in my bed), tonight I realized that I really am not down with dealing with this on a daily basis at this point in my life.

It really shocked me. I stood up from cleaning the freshly, un-clogged toilet and took a nice, long look at myself in the mirror. That's when I realized that I am too selfish right now to bring a little munchkin into the mix. I have trouble sharing my food (especially my cookies; I missed that day at preschool) as it is, I don't want to sacrifice it to someone else.

Marriage? I think I could handle that. I mean, I'm already living with Armini and marriage really isn't much more than that right? I'm sure that many people who just read that sentence and are married are probably getting ready to write me a nasty comment. Please don't, I know that it's more than just living together. But at least he knows how to wipe his own butt. And when he clogs up the potty, he fixes it.

I love the kids I sit for. I just realized that I am not ready to have any of my own. I mean, I'm having enough trouble paying for vet bills as it is now ... with a baby? Forget about it. Poor pups would be shit out of luck. Also, babies tend to put a damper on your sex life (I hear), and I am enjoying the parentlessness of our apartment too much to change it.

Woo - Hoo!

2009-03-12T05:17:00.003+11:00

I am now a proud parent. The proud parent of a word:
I have taken a vow to use my new word as often as possible. It means: the act of lifting.

When Armini and I moved into our new apartment, all of my furniture had to be tollated in order to be put inside.

Just you wait readers! This little beaut of the English language should be making appearances in many posts from here on out.

(check out the side bar to get a word all your own. I can't take all the credit for this ... I found the site thanks to the Republic of Brooke)

GiST 9/365

2009-03-06T03:44:00.002+11:00

#1. The smell of chlorine on my skin still, from swimming last night.

#2. Hilda - for she is awesome.

#3. 2 am snuggles

#4. Cooking that turns out well.

#5. Swatching, and finding out that the yarn you are swatching isn't the yarn that you want for the project you had in mind. (Even if knitting makes me look old. Thanks, guys)

GiST 8/365

2009-03-04T12:59:00.002+11:00

#1. Boxed Mac and Cheese

#2. Mac and Cheese that have shapes

#3. Scooby-Doo shaped box Mac and Cheese

#4. Eating a whole box of Scooby-Doo shaped Mac and Cheese

#5. Not feeling guilty about it.

This GiST is brought to you by Scooby-Doo shaped box Mac and Cheese (in case you hadn't already figured that out).

A Few Name Changes ...

2009-03-04T02:39:00.003+11:00

I am feeling the need for a few name changes on this blog. For one, I want to give Boyfriend and BFF new nicknames because clearly I wasn't working too hard to think of names for them before now.

And I like them.

And I think they deserve more creative nicknames (honestly ... it's like I nicknamed the lamp, Lamp).

Also, this is my blog and I get to make the rules and there is nothing you can do to stop me. So there. Now, on with the (really short) show!

BFF will forever now be known as Hilda. And we will all know that she likes to do maneuvers. And that when she is on a snowboard, she is looking cool and not dead. (If you know what I'm talking about, then we should TOTALLY be best friends. If you want to know what I'm talking about, look up Eddie Izzard and then go rent his show called Dressed to Kill. Then you should call me and we can be best friends).

Boyfriend will now and forever be known as Armini (say it like arm-ini). I have reasons for changing his name from Boyfriend. The main one being that he is going to China in August to teach English at a university (we don't know where yet) for 10 months, and while we really haven't talked much about it, there is a chance that he might not be Boyfriend anymore but instead morph into a really, really good boy friend. And that is long and hard to type (also, an even lamer nickname than just "Boyfriend").

(Also, if you were wondering what that big reason for being so busy this year was from this post - Amrini going to China is it. I assure you that I am going to start writing about this more in the coming months and that a detailed post about what is going on is coming SOON.)

(Because I know that you really, really care. Just let me pretend, ok?)

A question ...

2009-02-26T08:57:00.002+11:00

When you sign emails to people that you don't know ... how do you sign them? Because clearly things like "see you around" or "later" or "love" just don't seem quite the write thing to use when you are emailing a professional contact.

I know that lots of people use "cheers" before they sign their emails, but I have always felt that you needed to be English and live somewhere in England for some of your life in order to be able to use that without sounding completely stupid.

Usually I just say "thanks", but 9 times out of 10 I am emailing a professional contact with a question. So saying thanks makes sense to me.

The other day, however, I was emailing a client back in response to a question she had and I felt like writing thanks just sounded weird. What was I thanking her for? Asking me a question? Pointing out a problem that we were already aware of and dealing with? It just didn't seem to fit. But since the only other sign off I could think of to use was cheers, I wrote thanks anyway.

So, I'm putting this out there in hopes that I might find a sign-off that doesn't make me sound like I wish I was from the UK or awkward because I'm thanking someone for nothing.

How do you sign emails to professional contacts that you don't know outside of work?

Spring is Coming!

2009-02-26T02:19:00.003+11:00

The weather here has started to warm up steadily (finally) and I can't help but find myself hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, this time we won't warm up for a few glorious days and then dive head first back into a deep freeze. The weather in the Midwest makes me a little batty sometimes, particularly in the winter. I really do not like to be cold (because I am cold 99% of the time without any help from mother nature) and the warm days make me so happy that when it does freeze over again, I feel part of my sanity slip away from me.

Don't worry though, all the sanity that I lose over the course of winter is restored as soon as the grass turns green again and I don't have to wear 3 layers to go outside anymore. But I have hope this time around because the weather is nice, but it still has a little chill. It's just not as chilly as it was. You know how weather gradually warms up everywhere else in the world, well that's what it's doing here.

Plus, the morning doves are going crazy at my apartment complex and I was once told that when the morning doves come back it usually means that Spring is only a few weeks away. You might think it sounds hokey and old-wives-tale-y but I figure it's a system that can't be any less reliable than watching to see if a ground hog sees his shadow or not. Right? Right.

I have lots of plans for this Spring, and for a number of reasons. One of which deserves it's own post (and is a very depressing subject for me, so I'm not going to think about it right now), but all the other reasons are small and can be summed up rather easily: I want to be a domestic goddess who can take care of all things house, home and garden.

One of my biggest Spring projects is to plant a garden in the space around our patio. The area is rocked, so the first step is to move all the stupid rocks out of the way. I don't think that moving them will be an issue so much as figuring out where the heck I am going to put the rocks, since they will no longer be all around our patio.

Other really crazy exciting Spring projects include: mastering the art of bread making, planting the above mentioned vegetable garden, planting grass (?), planting flowers (?), traveling all over the damn place (details coming soon. I know, you can hardly wait right?), marathons, 5ks, camping, and just generally spending time outside. And knitting. And sewing. And scrapbooking. And reading; lots and lots of reading.

Oh, and also joining some clubs that I have been wanting to join for a loooong time in a continuing effort to make friends who are in the same city as me (unlike my friends who are still in Lawrence, or living in Colorado, or moving to/already living in China).

Wow. I have a lot that I want to do this year. This is a very, very good thing.

Now, for a nice little GiST (7/365) to wrap this happy (and busy) post up.

#1. Haircuts

#2. Kielbasa sausage, green peppers, onions and rice.

#3. Aprons.

#4. Really sharp knives (for cooking people! I am not a crazy person)

#5. Cookies that I made myself (even if they are a little burnt on the bottoms. I still haven't gotten the hang of our oven yet)

Growing up is hard to do (recessions suck)

2009-02-21T05:26:00.002+11:00

The news depresses me more than ever as of late ... some of you (like my mom) might remember way back when I developed a twitch that I blamed mostly on the state of the economy. I think there is still a chance that I might develop it yet again.

Growing up is hard. It sucks. You don't get to have spring break or summers off or the pleasure of skipping class. You have to go to work everyday in the same place and do pretty much the same thing everyday, which can get kind of boring (unless you count the occasional caffeine high as exciting). It's stressful trying to land your first job, getting benefits for the first time ... It's almost enough to make your head spin.

Trying to do all that in a recession? Yea ... it's about as much fun as it sounds.

Thankfully, I have a job (with benefits) and if I keep working really, really hard I will get to keep it. But reading the news makes me wonder sometimes if we aren't just zipping right along towards the end of the world. Honestly. (PS - if you didn't click on the end of the world link, you totally should. It will make you laugh).

But seriously. World banks are teetering on the edge of ruin. The stock market is slowly circling the bowl. The government is pumping million-bijillion-googolplex dollars into the economy hoping that it will jump start something but I haven't noticed a difference. Have you? It seems like the politicians are all running around scared, trying to figure something out all the while telling us, the people, to stay calm. Keep our money in the market. Keep spending.

Personally, I have not been touched by this monster of an economy. But my father's company has. They do a lot of business with California ... which is a state that is think about paying tax returns with IOU's this year.

"... state financial officials cannot say when tax refunds and other payments will begin flowing from Sacramento" from this article

My dad actually had to lay some people off in the California office, which is really sad. For the first time, when my mom tells me that "things are bad" I believe her. It's terrifying.

And on that note, I am now going to do a Grace in Small Things post to make this such a depressing post (also, I completely forgot where I was going with this post. Getting old really sucks). This is ... 6! 6 of 365.

#1. Getting in bed at 9 and reading until 11

#2. Boyfriend. Really, just him. He is pretty awesome.

#3. Knowing WHY my throat was sore when I woke up this morning. (I need to get those bed raisers from my mom ...)

#4. Knocking out the 2nd to last part of my right Prairie Boot (ravelry link) last night. Soon, I will have a set!

#5. Making up with friends after avoiding the issue for almost 3 months.

I get sick a lot ...

2009-02-19T09:11:00.002+11:00

Thanks to a delightful sinus infection, I have spent the last two days at home in my bed with two fluffy dogs to snuggle me back to wellness.

Since high school I have been sick constantly. A cold, or walking pneumonia, or bronchitis. I am always coughing or sneezing or being generally run down and sickly. After so many years of being ill in one form or another, I have stopped going to the doctor because the colds usually resolve themselves and besides you can't take anything that will make your cold go away before your body takes care of it on its own. So I just deal with it. But after I didn't totally get over my last cold and getting hit with a sinus infection that made me miserable, I caved and went to the walk in clinic at my doctor's office.

He asked me the normal questions (when did you get sick, how long were you sick before this ...), told me that I did have a sinus infection and then ran down the usual reasons that people get sinus infections (deviated septum, polyps, smoking, etc.), all of which I have heard many many times before. But then he said something I have never heard before: acid reflux could be the explanation for the reason that I have been sick so often for so many years.

In high school I developed stomach problems. I would get really nauseous after every meal and I was treated for a stomach bacteria called H. Pylori that causes excess production of stomach acid, which triggers heart burn. I did a lot of research and found out that some people don't feel the burn of heart burn. Some people feel nauseous (like me!). While I don't feel sick regularly anymore, I do feel sick frequently. The doctor said that even one or two drops of stomach acid in my throat could cause my sinuses to stop draining properly and create an infection. He said that it could also explain why I was also getting bronchitis so often.

So now, in addition to my antibiotics, I am on a prescription antacid. The doctor also recommended that I raise the head of my bed about 6-inches so that I won't have to worry about reflux while I'm sleeping.

I am SO excited to have a reason behind my constant illness ... I am SO excited about the idea of being healthy for more than 3 weeks at a time. SO excited to not be the office joke anymore (yes, we joke about how I'm sick all the time at work. HIL-arious). SO EXCITED for a reason that makes sense. The long and short of it is ... I'm pretty excited. Even if it does mean that I might have to take an antacid everyday for the rest of my life. I would so much rather take a pill everyday than be sick all the time.

YAY!!!

GiST 5 of 365

2009-02-17T07:50:00.003+11:00

I only have 360 more GiST posts to go before I am done with it (or will I be? I could do it for infinity for all I know). Yay!

1. Waking up from a nightmare to get snuggled by Boyfriend who was still awake.

2. Tiny dogs who sneak into Boyfriend's bed at night because they want to sleep with me SO BAD.

3. Cold medicine.

4. Only two hours until I get to go home (you know, instead of the three hours it was an hour ago). I supposed I could also phrase this as: the fact that time keeps moving forward, even if it's at a snail's pace, so that I don't have to spend my life in the office.

5. Bing who really likes his obedience class and will (hopefully) do just fine tonight even though we have practiced exactly ZERO times over the last two weeks.

I am SO bored.

2009-02-14T09:03:00.003+11:00

Yup. Not a whole lot happening right now ...

Except this!!

GiST 4 of 365 (yup - I'm going for a year's worth)

#1. Being able to sit around all day in an office instead of doing any sort of manual labor

#2. Having the kind of co-workers who don't get mad when you start to nod off during training because you just ate your lunch (and ate too much of it)

#3. Having the sort of co-workers who will pause a second so that you can run and get a coke to perk up so that you can pay attention to the training

#4. Beauty salon's that have last minute appointments so that I can get all prettied up for tomorrow

#5. Boyfriend, who comes into my room almost every night now when he comes home because he knows that I like it

I hope that you all have a wonderful Valentine's day tomorrow with significant others or your BFFs.

Wherein SuperCareo Talks About Why She Loaths Politics

2009-02-14T03:21:00.006+11:00

I hate politics.

Really, really hate them (it?).

I hate it so much that I came this close to not voting in the election last November (I know that a number of people hearts just stopped, sorry). My dislike of all things political was formed and nurtured by two of my intensely liberal friends (99% of the people I spend time with are liberals, including Boyfriend, while I tend to lean more towards the conservative side of things) who will from now on be known as Punk Kid and Newspaper Bitch (who I still happen to be very close to and I know that she will like that nickname).

Punk Kid was (still?) a big BIG Bush hater and was the organizer of many a school walkout to protest ... things. Things that Bush did? I don't even remember anymore. Anyway, Punk Kid spent most of her time on Yahoo reading news about what new disasters Bush was creating as a result of being elected as the leader of the free world.

Newspaper Bitch worked for the school newspaper, spent a lot of her time reading political type news stuffs and was also a debater. I think that she may have also been a helper for the school walkout of protesting Bush things.

Anyway, whenever we would start to talk about Bush and 9/11 (which happened when I was a junior) and the idea of going into Iraq to bust some terrorist heads together they would have their opinions (liberal = the right way) and then when I would voice mine (conservative = you are wrong) I would get crushed because I do not read newspapers or watch the news or even attempt to keep abreast of anything political so I had no way to back up my thoughts. Our political conversations have always ended that way.

The only way that Newspaper Bitch and I have remained friends is because we do not talk about politics. In fact, the last time we did talk about something that was even remotely political (big oil) she said something to me that made me so mad I didn't talk to her for like two weeks afterward (which is usually how long we go in between phone calls anyway, but that is irrelevant). Punk Kid and I are no longer on speaking terms, politics was not the only reason for the demise of our friendship (she may or may not have gone a tiny bit crazy).

Now that Obama is in office and is trying to fix out totally F-ed in the D (another story for another time friends) economy with this new bail-out, I am seriously considering just moving to an island with the dogs and a monkey for a butler. Boyfriend can come too because he doesn't ever try to talk to me about politics. In fact, I didn't even know that Boyfriend was liberal until I walked into his bedroom one day and there was an Obama poster on his wall.

It's not that I don't have any respect for the office, I do. I have a lot of respect for anyone who feels like they could run a whole country every day for four years. I mean seriously, intense. And it's not that I don't care about what happens to the country as a result of the policy decisions that are being made right at this very moment ... I like my job and the fact that it lets me live in an apartment with a roof over my head and food in the dog's bowls. And I don't want my children to be paying for this new stimulus plan for the rest of their lives (that haven't even started yet), but when people start talking to me about it, it makes me want to die. Literally. I get this feeling in my stomach like when I'm about to break up with a boyfriend or you're at the top of the really big drop of a roller coaster and you're strapped in thinking about how getting on in the first place was the worst decision you've ever made.

I'm writing this sort of a post because I just do not understand how so many people are 100% convinced that Obama is going to fix everything. And don't think that I'm nay-saying. If he can fix it, I would love that and I'm rooting for him. But I just don't get the fanatical fan base he has. Mothers who go on about how their kids are going to grow up during the Obama years. People crying. I understand that when he was sworn into office he made a HUGE step in the civil rights movement and all that jazz, it's awesome.

But if Kerry had been elected way back when ... would mothers be going on about how their children would grow up during the Kerry years? What if Al Gore had beat out Bush when he ran for reelection? Would you have cried when he was sworn in? I know some people who would have cried ... but not out of joy.

I understand that Obama is a person to be admired for being the first African American to hold a place in the White House, and that this is something that is important and should be recognized as such. But beyond that ... it's just politics again. The only thing that has changed is the face on the TV during the press conferences. He is still talking about the same stuff that Bush did ... and Clinton did ... and probably whoever was in charge before Bill was (Bush Sr?). I just don't see the dramatic change.

I really am pulling for you Mr. President. I really do hope that you can help fix our economy and take the country in a new direction. Preferably one with morals. One where people are all treated the same, given the same opportunities and such. You know, the typical Miss America speech ... "And world peace!"

Until then however, that monkey butler is looking pretty nice ... anyone want to come with me?

Sometimes I Wonder How I Survive In Life

2009-02-13T04:32:00.005+11:00

I have run out of contacts, and in order for me to see stuff in detail more than 3 feet from my face (you know, like cars and pedestrians and other super lame stuff that you should probably be looking at while you're driving to or from work) I had to wear my glasses to work today.

So I was grabbing all my stuff and getting ready to leave and I pulled my sun glasses out of my bag and tried to put them onto my face. Where my glasses were already sitting. Because I had put them on not even 5 minutes ago. And I was confused for a second when the sunglasses didn't slide effortlessly onto my face like they normally do. And that's when I remembered ... I'm wearing glasses already.

Sigh.

I am beginning to think that sleeping for two days is not such a bad idea at this point (even though there is a tiny part of me that feels like this is something that sleep will not fix). And as the icing on the cake, I left my phone at home - which is not a huge deal unless Brad Pitt finally decides to dump Angie and totally wants me to come along as he rides a motorcycle to the tip of South America and I miss that call. Not that I would ride a motorcycle (they scare me) or go that far away from a shower. Plus I have watched one too many "Captured Abroad" episodes to think that doing that is a good idea. But I would totally answer the phone if he called me. Totally.